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Post by joannel on Aug 21, 2007 22:32:08 GMT
Hi all,
I am Mum to 4 children. J is 15, C is 11, K is 4 and JJ is 6 weeks and I am in the grip of really bad PNI.
I suffered with it after J and K and now JJ but it was never as bad as it is now. Hubby is working away this time and that has contributed greatly. All I do is cry and I have not admitted this to anyone but constantly wish I had never had JJ and could turn the clock back to how things were and that makes me feel so guilty. I feel like a complete failure as a wife and mother for getting so low. Poor hubby is beside himself and doesn't know what to do. He is home Friday night and leaves again Sunday night. He is really worried about me.
JJ is not a happy baby. He is colicky and has no feeding or sleeping pattern. He may go 5 hours or 2 hours between feeds and I can't get him into a routine in any way. As I type this I am rocking him in his car seat in desperation. He has been awake since 4pm and I am now exhausted. Hubby has offered to hire a Maternity Nanny for the nights he is away but I really don't know if I want that, maybe that would make my feelings of failure greater? Do I want a stranger looking after my son?
All I want to do is go to sleep for a very long time and not wake up feeling like this. I haven't been to my GP yet but I know I have to and the sooner the better.
What a blessing this site is. thanks for letting me get it all off my chest.
Joanne xx
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Post by cheshire on Aug 21, 2007 22:43:13 GMT
Hi Joannel, Welcome to the site xx I hope you feel supported here. I had PNI after my second and can understand a bit of what you descrobe below - I think I felt like this too. All I want to do is go to sleep for a very long time and not wake up feeling like this. If you feel you want to / it would be useful to share anything here - I hope you feel you can. I have found it very useful and am sure it has helped me in my recovery to talk to others going through the same. Anyway - big welcome! Hopefulx |
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Post by georgie on Aug 22, 2007 6:48:36 GMT
Hello Joanne,
I am also a new member & have found this site so enormously helpful. I am so sorry that you're suffering. I think everyone on here is so incredibly supportive & I hope you can use this forum in a positive way. It's like therapy for me.
Take care,
Love Georgie x
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Post by Scarlet on Aug 22, 2007 7:04:49 GMT
Welcome to the site Joanne, Maybe the pni is worse this time around because you are not getting any sleep hun. I can also understand your feelings about being alone in the evening whilst hubby works. Perhaps it would be helpful to get some assistance if you can, so you can get some rest. Your baby is so tiny at the moment so I think getting him in a routine is difficult and I wouldn't worry if you have to have some help, these feelings of failure are temporary hun and will disappear. I had my SIL look after my baby for a couple of months after he was born because I rejected him totally....but time makes such a difference, and after 3 months I was able to look after both my kids single-handed. As for wishing you never had your baby, well I've had feelings like that as well, but it will get better, I promise you. You'll feel differently as your baby grows and you form a bond (which you will do). My son is almost 1 now and I've only recently developed a bond with him, and he's a pretty cranky kid as well  ....but I love him to bits now and wouldn't change a thing, no matter how crap I feel. Now I would't have said that a few months back. Again wishing you a warm welcome and I hope we can be of some support for you. Hugs Scarlet X |
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Post by gizmoracer on Aug 22, 2007 8:41:36 GMT
Hello and welcome to the site.
As I read your post I could see myself and my JJ doing excatly the same thing. Your little one sounds so much like my son was at that age. Perhaps its in the name. Its not easy getting a child like this into a routine and to be honest I'm not sure I ever managed to, although my circumstances where most probably different to yours. I gather this is made worse by having older children to cope with to. With regards to yourself, you have experience of PNI and I gather your partner has to, you need his support, it makes a huge difference. Get along to the GP asap (not easy with kids granted, but don't leave it). This will at least start you on your recovery and make it alot quicker. Let us know how you get on.
Regards little one, do you have a friend or relative who could pop in every so often and help? you may find this less daunting than having a stranger around. I can't remember what it is caled but we have a service here, where if you have 2 children under 5 they will send you another mother (volenteer but trained) to help out for 2 hrs a week. I was on the list for ages and eventually pulled out for the same reasons you are saying, although if this is available where you are it could be an option. You say you are now bottle feeding, I just wanted to say good on you, you've been sensible enough to recongise this is better for the 2 of you. Having to give up breastfeeding was the catalyst to my PNI as it made me feel even more of a failure, but looking back you are only failing if you continue to struggle with something that is not working because you refuse to take the easy route. Two things I found helped with my sons colic and they were to alternate the infacol and gripe water every 2 or 3 days so he didn't get to used to one and to use the Dr Browns bottles and a thicker formular milk.
Hope some of this helps although I would expect with 4 children I probably haven't told you anything new. Kepp posting.
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Post by sianyc on Aug 22, 2007 11:16:44 GMT
Hi
I had Gaviscon powder for my eldest. You can use it when breast or bottle feeding and it sorted out her colic and reflux in about 2 days (if that) and I was then able to get her in a routine, The routine saved my sanity! I didn't have PNI on my first but the sleep deprivation brought me to my knees and Gaviscon definately made her little belly better ..... I could sleep then as she wasn't screaming and throwing up and feeding every 90 minutes
God I'm shuddering just thinking about it :-)
The HV outs you on the list for Homestart/Surestart (I forget which one it is) I missed out on this as I moved just as I came up on one list and then didn't really need it by the time my turn came in the new area. You're there with them the whole time, it's just some company and someone else to do stuff for the baby whilst you chat/chill out a bit
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Post by winegirl on Aug 22, 2007 14:39:24 GMT
Hi Joanne
My baby was quite colicy, but I discovered that Infacol and it was fab. I think it was a drop in the mouth before milk and really seemed to do the trick.
It really wouln't make you a failure if you had some sort of help at night. It would do you good to be able to get some proper rest, I would have jumped at the chance had I been offered it! I'm sure plenty of Mum's with or without PNI would have liked to have taken that option!
I am glad you have come here to talk to us. I hope you find the site useful, we are here if you need us.
Take Care
Winegirl x
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Post by joannel on Aug 24, 2007 19:13:55 GMT
Hi all,
Thanks so much for all your replies and advice. This site is so wonderfully supportive.
Finally got to the GP so am now on Citalopram. Sooner that kicks in the better. Although I've had PNI twice before I never had anxiety but I have this time. I can't stand being alone. Thank God that now I have spoken out I have help. My sister is coming every night after work and my 15 year old son has been fantastic, he is spending a lot of time with me during the day.
JJ has been much better,(touch wood) I have been giving him fennel tea and I swear it has worked miracles! He doesn't seem to have a colicky time anymore, just wants to feed every 2 hours now and stay awake all day. I am considering changing his milk to Plus for hungrier babies. Anyone have any advice as I have never had to use it before? My other 3 all got their own routines going really young and were happy with the milk they were on. Have been using Dr Browns bottles from the start as we used them for our daughter and they were fantastic, and he has been on Infacol for 5 weeks now and the occasional dose of gripe water. All the things I have done it's hard to know what helped!
Thanks for listening. My sister is having JJ overnight so I can get a full nights sleep for a change as it's his Baptism on Sunday and I don't want to look like zombie!
Take care,
Joanne
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Post by winegirl on Aug 24, 2007 19:18:11 GMT
Hi JOanne
Hope you get your good nights rest tonight! I am not sure about the milk for hungrier babies as I never used it for my little one. But I have a friend who's 2nd child had it from about 4 months as he just wasn't getting enough. I think maybe yuo should ask your HV. I am not sure what the guidelines are with the hungry baby milk.
have a lovely long sleep tonight x
Take Care
Winegirlx
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Post by chica on Aug 25, 2007 13:11:54 GMT
Hi Joanne,
Just want to welcome you to the site.
Did you manage to get a good nights sleep? Good luck for the baptism tomorrow.
Not sure if this will help, but my son was terribly collicky, he also had reflux. He would scream all night and all day. In the end my HV suggested something called Colief, it was my absolute godsend. It was quite expensive it was back then around 10pounds for a small bottle, but all you have to do is put 4 drops in the milk so the bottle lasts ages. The milk then has to sit for 4 hours(thats the only down side). But the transformation was incredible. Apparently it works on the sugars in the milk. Honestly he was like a different child. I have twins and if by accident he was given the wrong milk, I knew virtually straight away.
Sending you love
Chica
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Post by samantha gotts on Aug 25, 2007 20:09:22 GMT
Hi
Following on from the last reply - I had to also mention that Colief was indeed a godend to us also - Cassie was very collicky and had mucus quite a bit at first - and my friend actually gave me a bottle she hadn;t used and it was such a turning point - It is fantastic stuff, if you buy the first bottle then go to your doctors with the bottle, explaining how brilliant it is etc, they will carry on giving it to you on prescription - so you don't have to pay.
I really is one of the best things ever! it help us so much and it was more a less instantanous.
Hope the christening goes well tomorrow and it stays fine - Cassie' was christened in June when she was 10 months, and it was such an amazing, proud, special day.
Enjoy and take care.
Sam.xxxxx
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Post by sianyc on Aug 26, 2007 9:06:04 GMT
Colief made Caitlin worse although I had heard only great things about it before I used it. She had to have the SMA white for hungrier babies (that term always makes me smile - we nicknamed it fat baby milk cos she was such a little starver :-) )
My youngest was on aptimil which I found better and they have a hungry baby version too. Caitlin got quite constipated when I switched her milk and had to have cooled boiled water as well for a few days until her little belly got used to it. It was worth it though. She was like a different baby and started going the 3 hours between feeds then rather than the 90 minutes if I was lucky!
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Post by cazfletcher on Aug 26, 2007 18:37:16 GMT
try the hungry baby milk, it certainly wont do any harm. if he has a full tummy and no colic hes more likely to want to sleep. good luck for tomorrow  |
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Post by joannel on Aug 27, 2007 19:05:34 GMT
Hi all,
Thanks so much for your replies.
Baptism was yesterday and all went well. I just managed to get through it. My anxiety seems to be completely taking over, I am a wreck! Finding it hard to deal with as I've never had it before, only ever had PNI to deal with with my previous children. It makes me feel like I'm going mad. Has anyone any advice to share?
On a more positive note, JJ is a different baby! The colic has disappeared and he is feeding every 3 hours and is so settled between feeds (without changing his milk). We don't have a clue what brought about this change but are grateful for it.
He was also a little angel for my sister on Friday and even slept through the night for her. I had a good (but strangely quiet) night.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
Take care,
Joanne
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Post by chica on Aug 27, 2007 19:28:10 GMT
Hi Joanne,
Great to hear that JJ is settling, long may it continue. It certainly makes life a tiny bit more bearable when that happens. Also congratulations on the baptism, glad you made it through.
Sending you love and hugs
Chica
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....but I love him to bits now and wouldn't change a thing, no matter how crap I feel. Now I would't have said that a few months back.
