Newbie

[yoyo]

Hi all,
I've just joined this forum after reading lots of posts - you lot are amazing! I find it bizarre that knowing others feel the same as I do much of the time helps so much - it's ironic that knowing others are hurting helps you?!?
I'll not go into my birth story in detail but it was the longest 37 hours of my life & i ended up with a hb of 6.7 at the end of it which wasn't picked up until I was rushed back into hospital at 3a.m 4 days later with convulsions and disorientation. I ended up with Post Traumatic Stress and a few days later PNI set in. I've been on various AD's and am currently trying to find the one that works for me. My CPN is excellent and although I feel I have improved slightly I still get REALLY down. I hate all the yo yoing! I'm over the panic attacks now and now struggle with daily chores - even getting myself washed and dressed is a mountain most of the time. Still - will beat this thing one day - one hour at a time!!!

[yorkslass]

Just want to say hi and welcome to the site

I am pleased you have found us and we are here to support you and help you on your way to recovery.

I know what you mean by not even want ing to get dressed as that is just how i used to feel but now after the support of the women on here I feel I am well on the way to recovery.

Melx

[Veritee]

Hi yoyo

It’s great that you have decided to join !

I hope that the forum will help to support you?

I hated the yoyo thing too. I would think I was back to normal - recovered and the next day wake up feelign back to square one - this realy is the pits!

I think that the reason that it works to hear that others are hurting in similar ways with PNI is not because we like to hear of others hurt but because it ends the feeling of isolation - the feeling that we are the only one going through this - that so many women with PNI feel.

We can also exchange stories of our treatment and what works or does not work for us to get us through the day and right through to that great day when we are recovered.

When I had PNI it was this isolation that was the most damaging for me. There was no internet, I knew no other person who had PNI at least at first although I did meet a couple later.

Eventually I found the APNI who allocated me what they call a telephone counsellor - a recovered mum who was willing to support mums who were suffering. They still offer this service if you feel this would help you see : www.apni.org

For me it was such a relief to find that someone had experienced a few of the things I had and recovered - because when you have PNI it often feels like you are going to feel this way forever.

But marvellous as she was and I shall always remember her and be grateful for her support - she was only one mum and she did not share the experience of all the things I was going through as her situation and her fears and symptoms were different in some cases although we did have some in common.

I have learnt while running this forum that while there are symptoms and experiences that make up PNI for most - that this list is quite extensive and we often suffer them in different proportion sand combinations so not one person will share all.

However with a forum like this you get to hear from a number of women at one time ( something when I was ill I never could do ) and their is always someone who can relate to what we are going through or experiencing.

If you want to share your story - please do - we will listen and want to listen to what you say.

I had a traumatic birth experience too which I have often told people about and really said a lot - as have many others on here.

In some ways I think you can not tell it enough - telling your story really does help if the feedback you get is helpful.

Also have you been to the birth trauma web site?


You can find it at: www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/

they have some marvellous women who have experienced birth trauma themselves and many are counsellors and/or have other relevant experience - for instance are midwives etc

and you can contact them through the site and some will be willing to talk to you on the phone.

Anyway, please talk to us here - we want to help and support

All the best

Veritee

[wendyg]

Dear Yoyo

Hope you are ok. Like you, the panic attacks are lessening - only at night now when I'm nearly asleep and then I'm not! I sometimes think that when the anxiety slows done - some depresion sets in. I find gettting washed and dressed very hard at the moment.

Take care - you've found the right website - lovely people on here.

Wendyx

[yoyo]

Thanks so much for all your lovely replies - I've had a couple of fairly decent days (well, I managed to get dressed and do a few chores as well as look after little man) but today is just terrible. It's 12:30 and I've not even got showered and dressed yet, but have managed to bath & feed little man who is now sleeping peacefully. I so desperately want to crawl back into bed but I'm trying to plod through things with the hope that my mood and energy levels will lift.

Does anyone else feel ABSOLUTELY SPENT - no energy left whatso ever? I begin to think I've got some kind of terrible illness on top of this like ME or something! Don't think so, am hoping it's all to do with the PNI. I could sleep for days if given the opportunity - in fact my hubby looked after little one all day saturday and I slept until 6 pm solid - he even hoovered in the bedroom I was sleeping and I didn't know!!

Hope you are all doing ok today. Big hugs to anyone feeling rotten.
xxxxxx

[yorkslass]

Yes I too felt like this in fact do today so it is part of the PNI, so what if you wanna veg out today just do it while your little one is asleep have a nap on the settee I used to (bit hard for me to do now as one of my kids is 3 and is home half a day)

Melx

[amandar]

Hiya.

If it makes you feel better I am still sitting here with my bathrobe on......thinking I should be starting the chores.........but really have no energy. I spent most of the weekend completely exhausted...........I cooked dinner but that was about it, my partner did most of the chores and kept the baby entertained.......I feel so guilty as he has been doing so much...I am sure he is very stressed....but all he wants is to get the "old me" back again. I used to be super woman and have so much energy.......now I just feel wiped out all of the time. I am on my own today so I might put on an exercise dvd and see how that goes.......apparently exercise is supposed to lift your mood..........at least I wont feel paranoid jumping around on my own.

Amandar

[yoyo]

It's horrid isn't it!! Glad to hear it's not just me then.

amandar - I can understand where you're coming from, I too was one who could handle my own life and also take on extra stuff from others and manage to still keep on top of everything. The feeling guilty is just as bad as the tiredness isn't it? I hate myself for being such a burden to my hubby and mum (they've both been so good) my hubby says it's not a problem and just wants me to be better and if helping (or doing it all most days!!) is what is needed to speed things up then he'll do it. It's lovely but makes me feel bad too. Yeah excercise is good, hard to get going sometimes but does help, I try to go for a walk round the block when I can to help things along a bit.

Take care
xxxxxxx