explanations and issues

[francoise]

just a little talk from me , im no good at this really but felt that i needed to say a few things to you all because its important to me that i do my best to be a helpful part of this forum when im not having one of my nutty little girly episodes that is ......see i didnt exactly say i was recovered , i said i was better than i was before , to be honest though just me typing would of been better than before as i was a useless wreck , but seriously no im not recovered but i am miles better but no where near yet back to normal , when i said things have changed for me i meant on here , i did think i was leaving the forum but only becasue i was upset and abit angry and abit confused aswell , after all im here because im ill so it stands to reason that i might get confused sometimes but there is no excuse for me to lie to you all and i didnt , when i wrote it i meant it but im totally addicted to this big ever growing group of women and i care so much and sometimes i get protective and so do others , i wasnt on a downer i was just plain wierd at the time i wrote it , im sorry if it bothered people , i wouldnt have said it to deliberately mislead anyone but anyway

i feel that there are a few issues on here that people are bothered about , like say for instance the sex thread , well in my opinion i think as grown women we should be able to talk about sex and discuss it together openly , thats why the titles are so clear on the threads , they always mention sex in the title to make sure if its not what you would like to read about or partake in the thread its for u to decide , however i do find that they have alot of views , now that could be for different reasons and to be honest i for one would read it if i wasnt posting because sex has been an issue with me since pni started ,
i think maybe another issue is the bantering on here , i do and there is a few of us that do banter alot , its a case of it started because we were trying to make sure that there was at least one or two people on here at most times of the day and that was incase anyone needed to talk which did happen alot and we were there already and it helped im sure . while we were online obvioulsy we started chatting to whoever was on aswell and its just human nature and of course laughing is good for us but we do most definitely have our serious side to when needed , i dont mean to leave people out , if any woman on here was to post i/we would certainly make them feel special and no way ignore anyone , obvioulsy i am not perfect but my intentions are good and having a joke was part of the benefits to us and trying to make people laugh is very rewarding to us but we know when to draw the line and even so sometimes the line is crossed and thats when people get hurt and things are said , i have been hurt very recently on here by comments and i was so readyto explode and ot took me a while to calm down but i know its hard to make comments with the worry of being attacked , if your comment differs from someone elses then i think you are very entitled to post it , its when i think the commment is directed at people it goes wrong , women on here are ill after all and we know this and we are part of a big forum , the girl who only has posted once or the guest who has never posted but reads is just as important as any of us , i really shouldnt speak for everbody in this post but im just assuming that this is the case with us all , i dont want to offend anyone or hurt anyone but i would like the forum to stay free and open , as you can imagine veritee is under alot of pressure from all sides on this issue , should we chat and banter , should we talk about sex , i expect its very hard to keep everyone happy so maybe we could all speak up now and say what we think and that miught hopefully help veritee in her decisions she has to make if any about this forum. i think the first rule of this has to be feel free to say what you think aithout fear of attack , general terms would be so far better than a personal comment i feel otherwise someone or some girls would get hurt , im surre this is possible , after all we all are grown women and know about pni and the affects it has on us .

im sorry to go on and i dont think im anyone special to write this , in fact i may of caused alot of this stuff but i just wanted to give it a go and see if it would help , if your going to attack me over this try and not do it next week as thats my period week ,,than kyou love fran
p.s. sorry for the spelling mistakes , theres alot

[banana]

I shouldnt think anyone would attack you over you voicing your opinion. I think you have raised some very valid points.

At the end of the day everyone on here is here to support each other and get advice. I am so thankful for all the help I have had.

If people are offended by anything that is posted then they need to realise that it is not intentional and also that if a post is not to there liking it may be of interest to someone else and they should bare that in mind.

Afterall if everyone was the same where would the excitement be in the world!

[josie]

Hi Fran,
I agree with what you say. We are all grown women with differing opinions and should feel safe on this forum to discuss them, so long as they don't personally attack anyone. If there is something in a title that I don't think I would like then I don't read it.
I enjoy reading the banter that goes on - sometimes I wish I was more confident to join in with it. I'm not going to hijack this thread though by talking about this now.
I also feel that this forum, as with the prozac, has helped me a great deal over the past few weeks. Its comforting to know that I am not the only one to have these thoughts and feelings. Sorry that sounds awful taking comfort in other peoples illnesses. I don't actually mean it like that but struggling to find the words what I do actually mean.
Anyway what I am saying is that I like the forum like this and would not like to see it change.

Take care everyone,
Josie

[Babytales]

Hey hun

I didn't see the post in question, I just saw the replies when I logged on this evening.

As far as I'm concerned, there's no need for an explanation/apology etc. I couldn't see anything wrong in what you've been posting.

I've told you in the past that I'm a bit of a prude - I may be a little shy in talking about stuff like that, but in no way does it offend me at all. And as for joking about, I think it's great that we can take time to have a laugh - as they say, laughter is the best medicine.

Maybe a separate section could be made for these sort of posts? That way, anyone who doesn't want to take part in those sort of discussions, doesn't even have to see the threads?

Please don't worry about it, I'm sure the replies you've received today have shown you how valuable you are to this site and how much we care about you xxxxxxxxxx

[Veritee]

Hi fran

I am just glad ou are still around. We all have our weird times - I know I do.

I want to answer this fully ie the issues you raise but I do not think I am up to it as I have had a really busy day in between posting on this site I have had to go out to a couple of places ( one was to see about some voluntary work which did nto go all that well) and I am not feeling really like I can hardly keep my eyes open

So I will have to go soon

However I wouood appriciate a few comments on some of the issues you have raised - to chat/banter or not to chat.

Or to have the forum as it has been - very serious - I have had e mails and messages for and against both.

But I am worried abou the number of people who have felt hurt by the forum recently - This can not be right as we are trying to supprt each other.

Anyway I have to go very soon
But please feel free to feedback your comments on the forum


All ther best

veritee

[annag]

Fran
As someone who has deleted over 150 banter related posts today i feel I should reply.
To say I'm not bothered take away my ability to speak freely, would be my instant reaction, but it is also a lie. I am bothered I want to be able to say exactly how I feel and if that is in humour so be it. Like Fran says we are grown women if we see a thread entitled sex thread then its quite apparent whats in there. If you don't like it don't take a look it's not torture. I know I am guilty of banter to a large degree but to my knowledge I have not engaged in it with anybody who does not want me to. Its difficult not to make friends in this situation it really is perhaps even inhuman. Sometimes if someone is sad I want to make them smile and I do it with humour cause hey I'm a funny girl Seriously I can't help it thats me but I don't think I'm a bad me or anybody else is for engaging in this.
to be honest talking about nothing but the deep stuff all day would be mind blowing. i mean I need to relate to the deep stuff but all day no thanks.
I think you get my drift I like the forum as it is and see no need for change. Hey I'm thick skinned if you disagree just don't tell me. No I agree totally with what fran is saying WE LIKE THE FORUM VERITEE

[Carmen]

I love the forum exactly how it is - and didnt even realise it had changed. And I love reading the conversations people have on the forum - that way we get to meet the real people behind PNI. PNI totally rules our lives and I dont know about everyone else but outside of the forum I'm always feeling like a fake, like I'm trying to be what everyone wants me to be, or what I think they want me to be, but on here - I am able to be the real me. I would never say anything to intentionally hurt anyone but I am paranoid enough with what i write that I wouldnt want the added worry of knowing we werent allowed to "banter".

This site has helped me enormously - I am not totally recovered but consider myself almost there. The thing that has helped me the most through my darkest times is knowing that all you girls out there are going through or have been through the same thing. To be honest - advice doesnt help me that much. I know that sounds weird - but when I'm having really down days no amount of "Things will get better" makes me feel any better. The thing that consoles me the most is that others can relate. And there have been so many bad days on here where just talking and bantering has helped me so much.

Please dont change the forum - I'm just wondering - are more people visiting now that it is like this?? Its so much busier than when I first joined - but was it just a quiet time of year?

Please everyone - support the forum the way it is - the forum is for all people, past and present, with PNI - and I can promise that all the girls that are active members will welcome any new members with open arms. We are all chasing the same thing - recovery. And if youre not ready to laugh yet, we totally understand; we have been there too- there is a serious side to all of us and if PNI has taught us anything - its compassion.

Take Care Everyone
Love Carmen

[wendabell]

To Fran and Veritee,
Ok im one of the banterers,
I used to read the threads off this forum quite a while ago before i joined and never used to post as too ill.
But apart from the increase of humor i cannot see any less support happening on here...and anyone can check this by reading posts on the last few pages of this forum.
We are supportive welcoming, funny, understanding.
We are just normal mums at the end of the day with one common cause and thing that ties us together and that is we have pni and want rid of it.
Now for me i have found my sence of humor that i had forgotton about for half a decade...now how sad is that not to see the funny side of things for that long....but on here i have found it again and i am brining my old humour in to the real world as well with my kids ,work mates ,hubby. When i was down there were people to pick me up and give me a virtual hug.When i needed advise there were people on here to give it to me.When i started to remember who i was and watch my personality return there were people to share that with me also .
Over the past couple of months though we have been starting threads of a different nature, SEX, HUMOUR, ETC.
well i for one think that that is a good thing for a start we all want shot of this illness and hate the fact its still a taboo illness and want it out in the open and recognised.
But why are we still so reserved about the other issues of our illness that are there and should not be taboo.
For how long have we girls been sitting there chatting about how we feel in being down whilst thinking i wonder if anyone else doesnt have sex, orgasm,makes them feel dirty.
Or sit here reading the posts thinking i wish i could just have a laugh with someone today to cheer me up.
Now alll of a sudden we have taken this illness by the danglys and given it a shake...we are not scared hopefully of expressing how we feel on here even if we do in the rest of our lives. Surely this is a good thing and aiding in our recovery.
Over the past few months also we have discovered so many simularitys between us. little quirks, moods, and stuff that makes you think you are alone and loosing your mind.But we are not are we.
Sure some of our chats go maybe too over the edge and i for one know when to stop reading a post if i think its going too far so as not to offend me(not that that has happened yet)
We are all mature women, we have all had kids,we all ahve pni. And some of us listen to classic fm,some cant stand it and listen to kerrang fm, some cant stand that and listen to a local radio station.But we are all women we all have had kids and have pni.
I would miss this forum if it changed to much and got too serious and for those it does offend there are others out there that it brings a smile too their faces for the first in a long time.
Everyone is entitled to their own oppinion,and on here our viewing is so diverse its lovely to meet different cultures religions,beliefs and countries.
If we were doing such a bad job surely this site would not be so popular and have so many new faces of late.Lets face it we have all said its hard to keep up with the threads sometimes......does anyone out there feel that i am wrong them please say and again am sorry if i have offeneded anyone ..its not in my nature to honest

[cokey]

Hi Fran

I am sorry you have been feeling bad about the forum. I think there are just a few people unhappy with things but most people are. I would like to think we can be free with all our comments and discussions. I think we must go with the majority and I think the majority are happy with things just as they are.

I need to say clearly, and so I say it in capitals THIS SITE HAS MADE MY LIFE BEARABLE THE LAST FEW MONTHS AND I CAN NEVER EVER THANK VERITEE ENOUGH FOR CREATING IT. THE WOMEN I SPEAK TO ON HERE ARE BRAVE, COMPASSIONATE AND FUNNY. EVERY WORD SPOKEN COMES FROM THE HEART AND I CONSIDER YOU ALL TO BE FRIENDS. NEVER CHANGE.

Please lets see this forum as the positive place it is. Life will always throw up people with differing opinions and we can help accommodate them with areas such as the close to the knuckle but they need to give a little too.

Cokey xx

[Veritee]

Hi Fran

I think you have your response - the forum is fine as it is for the current users.

But it certainly has changed since last year when there were a different group of main users.

I can not say who mostly commented privately on the change and the chats/banter etc but I will say that this started with Catherine’s posts and to my mind it is users from the past who may not need the forum from day to day anymore but when they do pop in find the change difficult.

But I think the priority is current main participants of the forum and so if the way it is is fine for them - then we should leave it as it is.

I think it would have been hard to change anyway as the nneds of current participants really dictate what the forum is like at any one time.

For my own part I was just a little concerned that some had felt hurt recently and wondered if restricting the types of posts to only those completely on the topic of PNI and focused on our telling our story etc - there would be less chance of anyone feeling hurt or thinking a post was negatively aimed at them or their views.

I think that each of us does bear a responsibility to ensure that we do not go over the top or say something we know will upset someone else.

We are bound to disagree but it is very difficult and not very satisfactory to have proper argument using just type on the screen, this is one thing I think the PC does not lens itself to well.

If I really need to say something to someone in this way I usually try to phone or see tem in person.

But reading this thread I think it is fine and it all stays as it is and we can get on with the job of supporting each other and this includes our feelings about sex our humor etc.

All the best

Veritee

[jennie]

When I started using the forum in july I felt a total outsider and felt so left out as people seemed to know everyone(well it seemed to me)

Then I'd be broken hearted if something serious I said seemed to be ignored and it;d feel so hated and unimportant and I'd delete everything.....

I'm learning to let you lot know when i'm in need.....and eventually I can start practising in the outside world more.....

Those people who were on line then are hardly here now and this site will change as we all grow and change ,some people move onto different things in life and new ladies seek support...

There will be ovious upsets as we're deeling with an illness which is based on emotions and it's a clever illness and thank you Fran for being so brave and truthful with your words....

My leaving our worries in our heads then we can't move on.....

Sometimes feel the "banter " comes as a result of something really dreadful going on.....regular users will know what-send me a private message if you want me to explain......

Girls, lets not let the niggles eat away and get between us on this fantastic website which as Veritee says if we didn't need this site we wouldn't be on....

[Vonda]

I Like the forum just the way it is! I would hate it if we all had to start restricting what we talk about because then I think the honesty would disappear. I mean how can you be honest about your love life and stuff that may be bothering you if you are not allowed to mention certain things. I understand that there are some who may find some things offensive, but most threads are titled well enough to give you some idea of what is contained and you can always choose not to read something.

I found that as a new member I was welcomed with open arms and felt that maybe I could contribute to making someone else feel a little better, the same way other people have helped me. I like the idea that we can say exactly what we feel without fear (within reason, excepting the likes of racism etc). We are all grown women with PNI and children. Correct me if I am wrong, but having children usually involves sex at some time so we all know about it. I understand that some people don't want to discuss it and thats their choice. but others do! And I love the humour and the banter. This site has really helped me and I would hate to see it change.

Enough waffling

Vonda

PS I hope I haven't offended anyone

[scrumpy]

Well,
you girls have all said what needs to be said so well already, so I just want to lend my support to that. Fran thank you for being brave enough to speak up on this topic, I love you for it.
Personally this site has been a salvation for me. When I started coming here not so long ago, I thought I would never be rid of this dreadful illness. But by coming on here and receiving such amazing support from you all, I now feel I am recovered. Ok, I still have the odd blip, but I come on here and you guys cheer me up. by your humour, your banter and when needed your complete and unconditional support. I have said things on here that I could never tell anyone in my 'other life', and no one has ever judged me. This forum works because we know that we can talk about things openly, and if that includes sex etc, well that's fine by me. Our sex lives, or lack of them, are all part and parcel of this illness after all.
Please don't any of you ever change, I love you all the way you are.
Love Toni

[francoise]

yep toni and im in love with the forum just the way it is , i think its perfect , and sometimes we get alittle sensitive and sometimes we push our luck a little with the banter but its all done in jest so i think we just need to be abit careful ..ok im talking about me really , i am probably the worst for it , hey forgive me girls if i have and i will try to be less sarcastic and pissy take in the banter .
love francoise x ;D

[lisa1234]

I am back at work, I'm enjoying it (yes ... I actually said the word enjoying!!! ;D), I have made some very special friends who mean the world to me, I have had support like never before, I have been able to laugh & cry at posts on her but most of all I have realised there are other people out there who feel the same as me.

I would have been lost without this forum and the people on here & strongly feel that things stay as they are. To be blunt, there are times when we need to talk about the serious stuff & times when we need to banter. Both are catered for here.

Long live the site as it is, a huge thanks to Veritee for making it possible and all the girls for helping me through every day.

Lisa xxx