I think this is very sensible Time. And it is right to point out the dangers.
I was not speaking myself specifically about taking the friendship one step further and meeting a person - but actually about the danger of making friendships beyond the forum - with people you do not actually meet but just use PMs, e mail and the phone off forum to communicate to people.
I was not saying there would always be problems but to draw everyone’s attention to the fact if you only communicate with someone on the public forum you are 'safe' in that everyone on the forum can see what is said - if you are going to get to know someone outside the forum, in any way either by phone e mail or in person, then you should be aware of the risks.
And the risks are not just because someone may not be who they say they are or a danger in any way - but just because when you have PNI you can be very sensitive , misunderstand or be misunderstood and feel hurt or someone may even be feeling angry and mixed up and actually try to hurt you.
It is a personal choice whether to 'meet' someone on e- mail, PMs etc outside the forum, but you should be aware of the risks.
As to meeting someone face to face, this again is personal choice, but the issues you point out are very valid.
For instance Fran is coming with her family on holiday in the summer near me and intends to come and visit me.
While I rarely speak to anyone outside the forum, except to sort out specific issues, Fran and I have made a point of exchanging a couple of phone calls to get to know each other a bit better before the visit.
Dont get me wrong , I am looking really forwarsdto meeting Fran and I would also love to meet people from the forum and rarely get the opportunity but would never ask them to meet me unless this is what they wanted
and feel it is essential to get to know each other a bit more first.
As you say you really have to be sure if you intend to meet in person, especially if you involve your families.
As we will be introducing our families (Fran’s older daughter and my same age daughter have also been encouraged to exchange messages on MSN so they know a bit about each other beforehand)
It is important that we make sure each of us is ‘safe’ for our families to meet.
I could be anyone really couldn’t I?I once some time ago made plans to meet someone else and went through the same process of phone calls to get to know each other.
We never did meet I was quite disappointed but it was the other persons choice not to meet.
I think the other person felt in the end she did not want to meet me as me because as a person, my lifestyle – beliefs were different from hers and as our phone calls progressed we found we had very different views – so it ws a good job she found this out first, I was stillhappy to meet her but she did not want to coem which is fair enough.
So while I do nt htink it is always a good thing to have phone contact with someone from the forum, if you are goign to meet it is important to make contact to find out whether you really want to meet before you do.
I know this may seem over the top on one level.
Many people do have successful relationships with people they meet online. A past foster daughter now is happily living in Sweden with 2 children and a man she met on the internet! It certainly worked for her.
Fran and I do not plan on getting married
and we will only be probably seeing each other for one afternoon - but on the other it is essential to take these precautions when your family is involved.
Also the anonymity of the Forum is a good point.
The three women I have met because they lived very near to me I think found that knowing who I was - and where I lived - did not help them to be able to say what they needed to say on the forum.
They did not say this – but I felt it inhibited them!
For some I think the anonymity is essential
All the best
Veritee