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Post by annag on Jan 14, 2005 11:02:28 GMT
Cokey That dance class sounds really funny just the sort of therapy we all need. I think you should definately go every week. Do you find you have intrusive thoughts about everything or just one specific subject. I know when I had my middle child I would be having catastrophising thoughts about everything and it was horrible. I remember going to france on the ferry. It was like will I grab the wheel and drive into the sea on boarding. Don't stand near to the edge with the kids I might feel compelled to drop them. I might even go into the captains area and hi jack the ship (dont know why or what with perhaps a tooth pick). When we got off and had to drive in france. Would I undo my seat belt and jump out. Would I grab the wheel. On and on and on one nightmare thought after another. I know that reading through that it dosent sound very real even rather silly but at the time these thought were real to be and caused major distress. I would just like to add to anybody who has not suffered in this way they are not plans to do anything just thoughts that keep slipping into your mind on an involuntary basis. I hope this dosent sound to mad and is the sort of thing you are talking about. To be honest I have never really had the oppurtunity to speak about these thoughts as I thought I was going mad. If this is a very real aspect of pni then I think there should be more honesty around it I fully underatnd why there isn't but it is so distressing.
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Post by francoise on Jan 14, 2005 12:00:26 GMT
well done cokey , i admire your strength of will power to go , it would of been so easy to bottle it wouldnt it but u went which is great , u must be so fit , how long did the lesson last for and did u ache afterwards ,
you lot are so cool doing these things , its exactly whats good for us isnt it , i might go paint balling ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by wendabell on Jan 14, 2005 19:33:45 GMT
thi chi ,looking into it..want to take my 3 year old to it he needs focus i think and calming down. glad the dance is fun
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Post by wendabell on Jan 15, 2005 4:49:51 GMT
jennie we have all done things that we regret....me with biting my sons arm( on another thread) the other day . Its intersesting thought that as we have been abused in our childhood we can distance ourselves a little and reflect what is right and wrong.this illness clouds our judgement sometimes but dont make us a bad parent. Try not to beat yourself up though jennie. At least we have the balls on here to say things that we have done and no one judges, just supports and understands because they might have done it themselves anyway. And how many people in life with no stress or pni or depression abuse their kids for no reason and acually get a kick out of it. dont know if this makes sence but sending you a huge hug babe...you are a good mum
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Post by cokey on Jan 15, 2005 17:28:14 GMT
Hi everyone
Thanks so much for your advice and shared feelings. I think this site is so successful because there is humour, sympathy but most of all understanding and I for one find that a problem shared is a problem diluted. Just knowing that others feel the same way such as the thoughts annag described, dilutes the fear.
As such, I am feeling so much better today. Thanks a lot.
By the way, it made me laugh (no offence) when fran said I must be fit. This class I went to, my sister & I were the youngest there and we are in our 30s!!! It was hardly high impact and even then I couldn't keep up. It made me sleep well for once though.
Thanks again everyone.
Cokey xxx
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Post by francoise on Jan 15, 2005 20:20:27 GMT
well its just that im out of breath getting up off my butt , let alone going upstairs ,oh my god to dance tho , it must be such fun really how old was the oldest one there cokey ,
i fancy doing something not sure what tho , maybe swimming with the bab but i suppose with a baby you dont get a chance to do much swimming yourself eh ,
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Post by Veritee on Jan 16, 2005 0:48:51 GMT
In answer to annags question - yes the thoughts are 'a very real aspect of pni'
In my experience on here - they are also a very common one and one that is often the least admitted and talked about because of our fear ( and on some levels perhaps justified ) that we will have our children taken away or our sanity questioned if we told anyone.
There are many many others who like you do not actually have the courage or opportunity or feel safe enough to talk about them until they are no longer happening
I am not sure to what extent perinatal specialist understand the frequency of such thoughts and I am certain that the people a women will see first when they have PONI ie a HV a GP a CPN do not generally realise how common these thoughts are.
It is an issue I would love to find a way to bring to those who treat/help/support women with PNI so that individual women do not have to take - what seems when you are ill the really frightening step of telling your HV, GP CPN and it being misunderstood because these professionals do not realise how common it is and actually while horribly distressing for the mother not at all a threat to our children
It is very difficult to describe so that they have any real idea - the thoughts to someone who has never had them.
Your description of them ‘just thoughts that keep slipping into your mind on an involuntary basis.’ Is very accurate.
And your description of the thoughts about everything was very accurate for me too. I did have more horrendous stuff whereby I had thoughts of deliberately killing Caja in many varied and horrible ways but your description of your ferry crossing just about describes how it was for me on any journey for a couple of years when Caja was young.
I want to encourage women to talk about these thoughtsa on here – even describe them in detail because I know it is safe here to do this.
I feel if we share this experience of the thoughts we may one day be able to educate the ‘professionals’ on this aspect of PNI.
All the best
Veritee PS I do Tai Chi too - it is the only exercise I can do with my injured leg - it gives you a feeling of inner peace and I am sure if I had done it when I had PNI it would have helped the thoughts.
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Post by francoise on Jan 16, 2005 16:03:19 GMT
did you do it at home veritee or did you have to join a class somewhere , i think its hard getting out of the house to do these things , there must be ones where you can teach yourself im thinking .......
love fran xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey anna i went through that thought thing to i never told half of them incase i was locked up and then when i wanted to be locked up they wouldnt , its all wierd and so hard when going through life everyday with these things happening inside your head eh.
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Jan 16, 2005 22:45:33 GMT
Last night I dreamt I was hitting and hitting Isabelle around the head,then I would look at her and there would be no mark there and I realised they were just thoughts so continued to hit her again and again....I woke up feeling so dreadful as if if these are my dreams then am I capable of that...
I deleted something I had written on Friday night about the vilence that was inflicted on me and the vilence I had used on Isabelle in the past(Wendy's reply was response to the deleted message.)
Sometimes it's so hard to distinguish between dreams and reality...
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Post by francoise on Jan 16, 2005 23:03:10 GMT
i dont think i saw that post jennie , why did u delete it , i have vivid dreams to about death mostly and dreaded dreams about going through childbirth again , god i could never do that , i always wake up crying in the middle of the night , it must be a sign of an unsettled mind eh , dreams are fatal in putting us in bad moods or sad ones arent they for the whole day at times ,
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Jan 16, 2005 23:14:07 GMT
It's opening yourself up, and worry about being judged though the worst judge is ourselves....Sometimes when I'm on here late at night I drag up allsorts from the past.It's not being on here that does it because i would do exactly the same on paper before I discovered here.... When you write it down on paper then no-one else reads it..suppose it stays in your head and eats away....
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Post by francoise on Jan 16, 2005 23:17:11 GMT
i got out alot from those chats before about our past , i hope we can do it again soon , it really helped me and i hope it helped you to jen , , we got very deep didnt we and way back in time with those posts
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Post by lesley on Feb 13, 2005 10:29:24 GMT
I to have these thoughts they are awlful and very frightening.I have been free from them for such along time but they have come back.Has this happened to anyone else?My girls are 8&4 so you would of thought i would be completly gone wouldnt you.95% of the time i am absoulutely fine but then it comes back.Im back on meds now and dont mind how long i will be on them for as every time i come of i end up slipping back . anyone out there who has oris like me.
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Post by lesley on Feb 14, 2005 9:36:37 GMT
hi jennie ive picked you to reply to as your chidren are similar ages to mine and i thought i was the only woman in the world who still suffered from pni at this stage. the thoughts i have are really scary i know they are not real but in the middle of the night or when they appear they can feel very real indeed. it would be lovelly to chat to you on this site and discuss are pni and hopefully be of some support to each other .look forward to hearing from you.lesley xxxx
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Feb 14, 2005 10:20:24 GMT
Lesley , I've just posted on you"It's back thread",was that in the introduce your self bit? And yes I totally picked up on you.It could be me(except my husbund couldn't ski and I would let him stay out over night never mind 10 days.!
I've been using this forum since July and it's been a great help(though I left,deleted and rejoined twice and was a moderator for a month or so,so you can see how up and down I am!
Were you first ill after your oldest daughter? Have you have any totally well runs or has there always been an element of low self esteme,worrying going on....it's like that with me most of the time...like over analysing everything....
but there's a differences to being the worrier,not very confident to that all consuming feeling of dread,deep doom and urge to let those cars hit you when crossing the road.
Don't know if you can relate to anything there.
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