PNI RE-OCCURING SYMPTOMS

[caroline]

Hi can anyone out there help me out im so fed up with this 6 years on and off mediation,6 years of on and off symptoms i take the meds feel better then after 6 months or a year i come off of the meds then a few months after this i might get a stressful situation then i get really low begin to worry and end up and the doctors and she ends up putting me back on the meds,i then think am i ever going to get off these and be normal,this time around i know this sounds stupid my husband bought a puppy for my daughter and himself back in october i stupidly agreed but who ended up looking after the dog clearing up after it getting up earlier than usual to walk it before i took my daughter to school and before i went to work and then again before i picked my daughter up from school and before i made dinner me?But then i began to feel like i was lookng after another child something i struggle with becuse of the pni i have never had anymore children its just something i cant do because i never considered myself a good mum,suddenly i became stressed anxious and worried started to feel really low and started to get some of the horrible thoughts i got when i was at my worst so i have started to panic that its all coming back agan and my doctor wants me back on the meds i really need to get this sorted i have never had any proper help with this illness i feel i was neglected by my gp and only now is she taking me seriously that l know all this stems from this illness but its been over 6 years now and i am so fed up do women suffer this long can having no help early on keep affecting you ,maybe im someone who is going to be on this medication for the rest of my life and i really dont want to be i know i can beat this but its so hard everytime i think im doing ok a few months later i end up like this.If anyone has any long term experiences of this please let me know as well as me suffering i feel my daughter does as well because some things i take out on her and i dont want to be like that with her its not her fault.thanks for listening caroline.

[Jay]

Hi Caroline,

I have suffered for a lot of years.
Partly may be because of not getting the help I needed early on in the illness, or may be not, but I thought I would talk to you about it.

You could ask for an assessment at the hospital, where you would see a Psychologist who would get you to fill in some forms and talk to you about how things are, and might be able to come up with some ideas/therapy/counselling to help. There would then be a waiting list for what ever they advise.

The other thing to concider is.......
If you feel well on the meds, why not plan to stay on them?
It is not a stigma thing. It is just something you would have to get your head around.
I use to feel bad about taking meds all the time.
Then I saw a program on the TV about it, and they were saying that
If you had diabetes, you would take your insulin to feel well.
If you had an underactive Thyroid, then you would take meds to feel well.
If depression/PND is ok while on meds, then why not take them, and stay well.

Fern Briton on GMTV Good Morning takes antid's all the time following PND. She would not dream of giving them up. A while ago she was talking about it again with some other celebraties. The only other one I really knew was Katie Price and she also is staying on antid's.

I had to think that to feel well I needed antid's, and it kept me sort of level, with some adjustment of dose now and again [Up in Winter and down in Summer]. I don't expect to come off of them, even though I am having therapy now for PTSD.
I don't feel bad about it anymore, its just how I am made.
I had my daughter 16 yrs ago.

What I have said is just a thought.
And I will chat to you more if you like.

Take care
Jay xx

[Veritee]

Hi Caroline

I totally relate to you about the symptoms coming back when you had to look after a puppy

I have had two puppies since PNI - both grown dogs now - and both times when they were small and needed almost baby level of care - I did find myself anxious and with some symptoms I had with PNI - As the puppies were for me several years after PNI it was not that bad and not for me that difficult to get through, especially once they became grown dogs and no longer needed the round the clock care puppies do - but I can relate to this quite well .

I agree with Jay - if the medication works for you, why not stop the yoyoing between taking them and trying to come off and accept they may be a part of your life for a while?

Many do take them for years i.e Fern Britten as Jay says is indeed well known for deciding to stay on them after PNI and not contemplating coming off them ( sometimes I think perhaps this may explain her giggling fits on morning TV!! ;D LOL sorry I am only joking)

But I am not suggesting that it is necessarily like this for you .

But that you just continue to take the level of medication that keeps you stable in terms of symptoms and instead of concentrating on ...
...............getting off the medication.

Then use the time when you are on medication and relatively symptom free on the medication to consolidate your life and maybe also to get some counseling or support to look at some of your issues and generally concentrate of living as well as you can - not on coming off the drugs.

Perhaps use this time to get that ' proper help with this illness' you do not feel you have ever had?

From what you say it does seem that you were neglected in terms of proper help - why not get this now?

Perhaps also spend 'quality time' with your daughter while you are on medication and feeling less overwhellmed by symptoms?

I say this because I have talked to many who said that this worked for them best.

That for a while they fought the fact they were on medication and were always looking to get off it - but when they did the symptoms came back and nothing much had changed as they had not had the help in the meantime they needed

That it eventually helped more to accept that medication was a part of their life for now and concentrate on doing things for themselves to help how their life was in he meantime, to get therapy and support for symptoms etc and for how they coped

and eventually coming off the medication was not so problematic even though for some it was many years later

Just a suggestion - I hope you do not mind
Veritee XX

[caroline]

hi thanks to jay and vertiee for there reply i will definately consider the medication,its just i took steps a few months ago to learn to drive and i know i will have to stop learning for a while when i take these meds.does anyone know if you can drive while taking this medication once it is stable in your system.And i am already taking steps to get the help i need i have an anxiety management course on tuesday and my doctor is now eventually helping with one to one maybe through a psychiatrist,so thanks again for being there for me thanks caroline.

[chica]

Hi Caroline,
I am so sorry to hear that you are still suffering with this dreadful illness, I am a mum of twins who are now 7, and I promise you I know how you feel. I did not seek help until they were 5 and a half, I struggled for all that time, needlessly, but I guess I am a stubborn old mule. I was given meds, and I was on them for just over 18 months. At this moment in my life, I can honestly say, that things are good again, although I still get my moments. However, if things did take a turn for the worst again, I would not hesitate to go back on meds. I was told by my doctor, that it is possible and sometimes necessary to stay on them for years. So please do try and not beat yourself up over this. Take any help that you are offered.
Also your question about driving, I never gave up, even when I went on the meds. Obviously it depends on how they effect you when you start on them, but just to say, I had no side affects that made me unable to drive, (gosh I hope that makes sense).

Sending you love and hugs for brighter days ahead of you. Keep on talking here, and let us know how you get on.

Chica

[samantha77]

Hi Caroline,

There seems to be this pattern of - wanting to get off the meds and stay off them!

I have been off mine for over a year but I go through times- (just getting over a blip), where i contemplate going back on them.

I am not sure why I don't want to go back on them really- when times get tough but for me it's that visit to the doctors and admitting defeat to pni illness again (ridiculous i know)

When you think about it logically, if you had an overactive or under-active thyroid you would take medication to help with the symptoms, if u had a headache you would take paracetamol, ans so on - so why do we have this obsession with coming off and staying off the medication if it helps?

I have had pni for 2 years now and when i feel fine i am convinced that i have recovered fully- only to experience another blip and this time of year (xmas) always sets me off.

Just wanted to say that i have the same problem as you however i have thought about going back on the medication and so what if i or u or anyone else has to stay on them !!! As long as we can have a better quality of life- who cares!!!

Take Care

Sam x

[caroline]

Thank you all so much for your replies it does help to off load on this site, i have to say that i feel i am a lot stronger than i was back then and i feel that i scare myself more about feeling like i did back then so at the moment im not on the meds but having listened to you all i think if i need them i will go back on them so thanks a lot it really helps caroline

[Veritee]

Re driving and being on the medication

There is absolutely no law - in the UK at least - that says you can not be on prescription medication such as Anti depressants ( SSRIs or the older types) or even anti psychotic or other mood altering medication, and drive.
Either as a qualified driver or a learner driver.

If it does make you drowsy of course you are expected to use your common sense and not drive - but there is nothing to say you can not if you feel able.

Literally thousands of people in the UK on prescription, mood altering medication drive every day.

There is no legal reason that you can not take the medication and continue to learn to drive - that is as long as you have got over any side effects of the first few days to a couple of weeks and feel OK to drive

Just thought I would make this point as from your post I was worried that you thought therewas some sort of legal restriction on your learning to drive while on such medication ....?

There is not

[caroline]

hi i am just letting you know i have had a really bad day today i believe that my problems are from my early pni and not getting the help i needed but also that im suffering homonally at the moment all i want to do is cry which is what i did today and the worry and the fear of going back on medication is not helping i just cant help the feeling of failure of admiting that i need help again my husband and daughter are suffering as well seeing there loved one like this again and not knowing what to do but i have decided that i will take the medication as i cant see any way forward at the moment just feel like i have failled my daughter again and myself i just wish my doctor was more understanding i am thinking of changing my gp now as i think there is more to it than just being low i ant sleep and today i havent felt ike eating because of the worry anxiety and panic what is wrong with me i just cant get out of this vicious circle and im sick of it please help any advise please

[winegirl]

Hi caroline

You are not failing by going back on the meds hun! You just need them for a bit longer to get you back on track! If you had a broken leg you would take pain killers for it so there is no difference really.

If you go and see another go it might be worth asking if they can give you something to help you sleep, i find my anxiety is 100 x worse if I am tired.

I am so sorry you are feeling like this right now, please know that we are here for you x

WG x

[caroline]

thanks for your reply i am starting the meds today but i feel so tired already with the worrying and anxiety and thats before the meds even kick in i have a dry mouth and headches and im not eating very well i just dont feel like it all do is beat myself up over the meds my hubby says to take them if it ll make me feel better and i just feel sorry for my daughter who needs a mum like me?i should be a better mum than this its not her fault.everytime this happens to me she suffers and i need t sort ths out with my gp once and for all.i just dont understand why i get this low my sister says its because im at home this week on my own and all im doing is stressing and worrying over the meds i know shes right but why do i find it hard to accept that i need some help i feel so alone no one understands apart from this site what im going through i feel such a failure.

[caroline]

thanks for your reply i am starting the meds today but i feel so tired already with the worrying and anxiety and thats before the meds even kick in i have a dry mouth and headches and im not eating very well i just dont feel like it all do is beat myself up over the meds my hubby says to take them if it ll make me feel better and i just feel sorry for my daughter who needs a mum like me?i should be a better mum than this its not her fault.everytime this happens to me she suffers and i need t sort ths out with my gp once and for all.i just dont understand why i get this low my sister says its because im at home this week on my own and all im doing is stressing and worrying over the meds i know shes right but why do i find it hard to accept that i need some help i feel so alone no one understands apart from this site what im going through i feel such a failure. thanks caroline

[Jay]

Hi caroline

You are not a failure at all.
You are just being kind to yourself and accepting a helping hand.

I know the meds will not feel nice to start with [what sort do you have?] and I know what its like to have a dry mouth all the time.
They will help with the panicky feeling first, but there will be that delay for the antid bit to start to work. And I know it can feel like forever. Pm me when ever you like and keep talking on site, we do understand.

I can remember always feeling a failure at having to take meds, but I now accept that it is me. I just don't make enough of my own 'feel good factor', and I know it is not my fault.

I have always driven a car while on antid's, If I had a wobbly day then I would not be out anyway. So as Veritee says its a see how you feel thing. You will know the answer about this. And remember the side effects mostly wear off after you have been on the meds a bit.

Try to be kind to yourself. And just aim to get well again.
There is life out there, and we will get there.

I wish I could give your puppy a hug, and feel his wriggly little body, what sort of puppy is it?
I know that its difficult for you having the extra work of the puppy, its always Mum who does everything.
Look ahead to the spring and a romp in the park with your daughter and puppy, there will be a time when you will feel well and enjoy this.

Thinking of you and sending my love
Jay xx

[caroline]

thanks jay for your reply im taking fluoxetine but only been on it 2 days so i have a bit of a wait for them to work,i feel really bad because we got rid of the puppy because of the stress as we were both at work as well i felt that i was to balme for that as well even though it was a joint decision i felt it was because of me that the decision was made which does not help me because my hubby got the dog for my daughter so again i feel i have let her down.It always seems to be the things in the past that come back to me when i feel like this and being at home on my own this week is just making me think to much and it doesnt help that my family feel that i dont need the meds that they wont actually solve my problems so why take them but i could be waiting months for the help i need and i cant cope with this on my own.still onwards and upwards i suppose i cant give into this maybe when im back at work next week i will feel a little more in control as i hardley have any visitors while im off and im not very motivated when maybe i should try to be.anyway speak soon caroline

[caroline]

hi Caroline again have been on the meds for 4 days and today i felt really down and depressed as i have been all day on my own and all i kept thinking was my husband and daughter would be better off without me ,crying all the time and just feeling really low is this normal i feel i hate myself so much as i have been like this on and off for 6 years when on the meds i was fine come off them and go back to feeling like this whats wrong with me because this has happened so much to me i am really blaming myself big time as i feel its my fault for getting myself like this i know it sound stupid but i hate being on my own at the moment i just want company and people to talk to.Would love to hear from anyone out there as I'm feeling really low at the moment thanks Caroline