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Post by winegirl on Mar 11, 2008 18:30:07 GMT
Hi Mate
Hope it goes well at relate for you tongight babes. Are you and hubby going out for a drink again afterwards?
Give the meds another couple of weeks on the new dose to see if your sleep improves, if not you could always go and ask GP for a few sleeping tablets?
Try to look after yourself babes xxx
WG x
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Post by littlelotty on Mar 12, 2008 9:28:20 GMT
I felt down all day yesterday and could not pick myself up. I watched tele in the morning and feel asleep for about 40 mins but was still so tired as I have not been sleeping at night but could not sleep any longer. I just felt like I wanted to sit under the duvet on the sofa and not see anyone.
I spoke to my hubby and he said try and get out at one point in the day and it might make you feel better. I knew I needed to go to the shop to get some things for lunch boxes and cat food so I thought I would go out. I went to my house and picked up post and put some washing on. I went to get a few things at Sainsburys and went to Homebase to get some grout for the bathroom floor (thought I could do this when I am bored!!!) I then put my photos in to be developed from our wedding tables as we have not got around to doing these. I am planning to put them all into a scrapbook and make them all look nice. I felt ok doing all this although still down and very hot for some reason - not sure if that is the meds.
Came back and got my LO from nursery, by the time I got back with her it was time to get her in the bath and ready as she was going to my in laws as we were going to relate. My hubby got in around 6.30pm and had an arguement with his sister on the way home from work about me and how she will never accept me and thinks he is weak. He spoke his mind back but came home upset about it. We sat talking for a while whilst my LO was running around. We dropped her around grandparents and I waited in car as I did not feel able to go in the house - still really down. We went to Macdonalds for dinner!!! and then onto relate. It was another good session and we could talk forever and the hour goes so fast! It is helping us talk to each other about the issues.
We then went to a pub for a drink - I didn't feel up for going to the same pub as last week for the quiz so we went a a quieter pub and had a drink. We then came back home and although it was late I was not tired so thought I would take a dizaepam to help me sleep and feel a bit better. It certainly helped although I woke up at 4am but managed to get back to sleep I managed to sleep all night and woke up at 8.30am and feel alot better this morning. I do not really want to go out the house but need to as I need some more bread but I can do that later. My hubby is out tonight for a football match so on my own for a few hours - the first for a long time so will be a big thing for me but I feel ok about that.
I am surprised I have no more side effects from the diazepam as I was very scared about taking it. I am worried I will only be able to sleep when I have taken one but I will just see how things go.
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Post by sianyc on Mar 12, 2008 9:40:48 GMT
I found that 'forcing' myself out helped a bit too. It stopped the day dragging as much and even if I didn't enjoy it at least I felt like I'd achieved something at the end of the day. I usually had something small I'd have to do or go to buy and that made me get showered and ready.
Saying that, there are always days when it feels impossible and that's when I'd cook. Sort of a distraction thing. I still do it now when I'm not in a very good mood cos it stops me getting wound up by the kids.
Try your best to let anything your sil is saying go over your head. She is interfering more than she should but it's to be expected I think. She probably feels a bit protective towards him because you'd split up. if she hasn't had PNI then she'll likely not understand the situation properly and think she's right in her opinions. Only you and oh know how things really are and you're working very hard on sorting it all out. She should be supportive of the fact you're both trying and in time she's likely to see that.
It may not seem like it but you are doing incredibly well. You're fighting this and getting help to do that. That's the most any of us can do x
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Post by winegirl on Mar 12, 2008 10:21:26 GMT
Hi Littlelotty
I still have to force myself out sometimes - and yes, it really does help.
I am glad that relate went well hun. Sounds like you guys are really making progress!!
I foud that taking diazepam in the day did make me a bit drowsy, but not so bad that i couldnt keep my eyes open, i am pleased it helped you get some sleep last night x
WG x
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Post by littlelotty on Mar 12, 2008 15:18:40 GMT
I am finding it really hard today and really low still. I have been thinking alot about my sister in laws comments yesterday and her friend said that next time I want to kill myself he will give me the rope to do it properly. I find this really hard as only five weeks ago I tried to kill myself and this is still really raw. I also find it hard that someone would say that when they do not know what has gone on and I have soooo much guilt for the split and the affair but it is not like I have murdered someone or something similar so find it very hard to hear that.
I am still sat in my dressing gown and although I have just made a bread pudding that is all I have done and feeling bad for this. I am finding a pattern with my moods and during the week is the worst and it gets worse as the week goes on and by thursday that is the worst day. I need to find things to do during the day to stop this feeling and I have booked a reflexology for next thursday at the local college as it is really cheap, so looking forward to that. I also need to find people to talk to during the day as that is the problem.
I feel soooooooooo guilty for everything and keep going over it in my mind and I know this is not helping but don't know how to stop it. It does help to write on this forum and thank you WG and Sianyc for your support - it really helps to hear your views and get your support from people who understand and do not judge especially when you feel so alone.
lets just hope I can get through this day!!!
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Post by winegirl on Mar 12, 2008 17:03:12 GMT
Hi Littlelotty
People that make comments such as `giving you the rop' etc... have NO understanding of depression and mental health problems. I would take no notice of what this person said as they clearly have no clue and limited intelligence.
I am sorry you are still so low today. But even making that bread pudding is an acheivement! There were days when i couldnt even heat my daughters milk up I ws in such a state!
Hang in there babes, we are all here for you x
WG x
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Post by littlelotty on Mar 13, 2008 8:04:09 GMT
Well had a shower about 4pm yesterday - before that though I went to the local shop to pick up bread etc and found this really hard and thought everyone is looking at me and I just wanted to come home which I did.
I cooked dinner and my hubby came home with my LO around 5.30pm, dinner was on the table. We sat and ate this and then my bread pudding and custurd for pudding. We then went to bath my LO and my hubby was waiting for a lift from his dad to go to football but managed to bath her for me before he turned up. I got her dressed and gave her milk and we sat and had a cuddle while she drank this which was nice.
I put her to bed and then sat and watched tele for the most of the night waiting for my hubby to come back. I find it sooooo hard on my own. He came back about 10.15 ish and his team had won so he was in a good mood!! I decided to take another dizaepam so I could get a good night sleep and then went to bed. I slept really well again and finding they are really helping. I am going to try and sleep without taking one so I do not become dependant on them but it is nice to get some sleep.
I have also decided to start taking my AD at night as it is making me so spaced out in the morning and hoping that by taking it in the evening it will be better. I am about to take my LO to nursery after she has finished her breakfast which she is making a right mess with!!!
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Post by winegirl on Mar 13, 2008 11:56:15 GMT
Hi Littlelotty
Sounds like your day went ok! I am glad the sleeping is getting better as this will help reduce all PNI symptoms if you are getting some proper sleep!
I hope today is ok for you too hun x
WG x
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Post by sianyc on Mar 13, 2008 12:52:23 GMT
Try not to be concerned about the diazepam for now. If they help you get a good night's sleep then they're doing their job. Getting that sleep is essential (or at least that's what I found) for recovery. Sleep deprivation is an absolute killer. I can remember being floored by it on my first and I didn't have PNI then. That night's sleep always made me more able to deal with the day so even if it was crap then I had the energy there to think to myself that I could get through it. Your sil's friend sounds like a right idiot (I'm being polite, I have lots more inventive names going round my head). Like WG says, clearly of limited intelligence and absolutely no understanding of mental illness at all. Give him one day in your shoes and see what he said then! Git By the way, you now have me dreaming of bread and butter pudding mmmmmmmmmmmm
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Post by littlelotty on Mar 13, 2008 16:12:43 GMT
I have felt a bit better today for a change!! I took my LO to nursery and she was so funny - they all love her there which is so nice. I cam back had breakfast and sat and watched Jeremy Kyle and then fell asleep until 12.30. I must of been tired or it could of been the diazepam!
Went to my house and put some washing on and went to the local leisure centre to get a leisure card as I am hoping to start playing squash with my friend, I really enjoy playing it and the card gives you discounts on the court. Went to Asda to pick up the wedding pictures which weren't very good but I am sure I can do something with them. Got a couple of things at the shop and then went to sainsburys for a late lunch, managed to sit and read the paper whilst having my lunch as well which was nice. Went back to the house and sorted the washing and then came back to my hubby's place. I will be glad when I can be in just one house - shouldn't be too long!
I have felt so much calmer today - not sure if this is the dizaepam or what it is put have felt ok going out and not stressed at all which is surprising. It could be down to the amount of sleep I have had and feel able to do things. I have had some thoughts today of thinking about what if I get a phonecall from the nursery saying there has been a serious accident with my LO and she is taken to hospital - I have run through everything I would do - am I going mad or is this anxiety still of PNI? I wouldn't tell anyone else these things as they would think I am mad!
My hubby has the day off work tommorrow so I don't have to be on my own with my LO and really looking forward to that. I am so surprised that I have felt so good today.
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Post by winegirl on Mar 13, 2008 21:47:44 GMT
Hi Littlelotty
Well done on everything you have done today!! I am soooo pleased that you have had a good one and enjoyed your time to yourself!
Have a wonderful day with LO and hubby tomorrow. You guys got any plans? Or is it just a chilling day? Either way I hope you have a lovely time xx
Take Care
WG x
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Post by littlelotty on Mar 14, 2008 8:25:09 GMT
I did some ironing whilst watching deal or no deal and then got my LO from nursery. Her keyworker has offered to babysit on sat night so we can go out for a meal so that is really good news. My hubby came home around 5.45pm and helped me with my LO. She did fall off the chair and cut her lip which was bleeding. It is strange but I didn't worry too much and just thought she will be alright and then worried that I don't care about my little one and have no bond.
We bathed and gave her milk and then put her to bed. We then had dinner and watched a bit of tele and I went on the computer for a while. My hubby and me sat talking for about two hours which was good although we talked about some difficult things from the last year.
I took my AD and then went to bed. I didn't sleep too great, kept waking up through the night but managed to get some sleep without a dizaepam.
The weather is not very good today so think we will take my LO to the local fun city for a few hours to make her tired! Other than that not too many plans WG. I am glad he is here today.
Is it ok to post other replys to other people as I have done a few but don't know if I am allowed to or have to be recovered to do that?
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Post by sianyc on Mar 14, 2008 8:49:51 GMT
Feel free to post replies lovely. You don't need to be recovered (or even having a good day) to share your experiences with the other ladies and offer some support. It's totally up to you whether you want to do this or if you want to just read posts and use your diary.
We're all here to support each other whether we're sufferers or survivors so if you feel up to it then I'm sure your advice/comments/support will be very much appreciated x
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 14, 2008 15:21:44 GMT
Hi LL,
How are you feeling today hun?
That's great about Sat evening, a night out is always good. Perhaps it'll give you an opportunity to talk further with you hubby.
It's no problems whatsoever supporting others hun... I found that supporting other ladies actually helped with my own recovery.
Have a lovely meal on Saturday and let us know how you got on when you get chance.
Love and hugs
Scarlet xxxx
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Mar 14, 2008 20:42:07 GMT
Hiya
So nice to hear you are feeling a little better, thats really positive.
I think its good to post replies to others if you feel able even if you are not having a good day because so much of this illness if full of sadness at feeling isolated. Sometimes just knowing some one is there listening to you no matter what help they are able to offer themselves can be a comfort. But at the same time don't feel pressured to reply all the time - you are the most important thing. Personally I have times when I will do a lot of replying, but when I am particularly down I don't seem to be able to find the right words or inclination. Do what feels right for you.
Thinking of you xx
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