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Post by cheshire on Nov 26, 2005 23:28:52 GMT
Kate
I think you are so right in that severe PNI can lead to hallucinations and other problems that overlap with PP and that sometimes this is severe PNI, but not PP. Thanks for helping me with that.
Hopeful
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Post by Veritee on Nov 27, 2005 0:06:19 GMT
Yes it must have been so awful for you Kate.
Thank you for sharing that - I think we all understand a little more now..
I still have difficulty with the idea that you can not hide it, but I can see I am probably wrong and if I can accept this it will change the way I saw my own illness - so it will indirectly help me to understand my experience also.
I can sort of see what you are saying when I think of my friend with bi-polar as she came to me when she had her last episode and while she - I think - thought she was hiding it very well - only someone not with her for more than 10 minutes wouldn't have realized - her speech and behavior was so Bazaar - It was me who called the team that time and because of how I feel about hospitalization I would only do that as a last resort!!!
But leading up to this she had hid some milder episodes - in retrospect I could see that she had been ill before but I saw it at the time as a bit over the top and manic and she would leave and go home if she became too manic before I could really realize - but this last time she could not have hidden it
But she did not remember anything really about it - unlike you who now knows what you did as you can describe it she did not have any idea.... and does not remember it as unpleasant - really I know you questioned this before but she did not.
She had a major episode when her baby was born but i was not around so I only have what she says.
But because I have been in hospitals and have known as friends many people with psychosis of one sort or another and have seen that some could they 'hide' it at times and in he right circumstances although I have also seen behavior etc that could not be - I felt that it was possible and I was truly scared that I did and had put my child at risk.
But I have never been with someone while they are suffering PP, I have been with people sufferintg other metal illnesses but only talked to people who were or have suffered PP on the Internet - or other like my freind, and Elaine and a few more afterwards so I only have what they said my experiences with other sorts of psychosis to go on.
As you say if I did not have PP then I should be very grateful and I am and I do understand a little more about your attitude on here now.
But if you had not explained a little what PP was for you I would not have understood as much as I have now or have started to rethink what I know of PP.
Anyway we have probably both said too much for now - I have lot more to say as I am interested and would truly like to know and I am sure that their are others that read this now and in the future but maybe do not post
that will have more understanding and it will help them
Thanks for that
Veritee
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Post by katew on Nov 27, 2005 11:00:17 GMT
I dont have the pp aspect anymore, this is relatively short lasting but I have got the pni bit but still sometimes get the hallucinations, especially ifI am overtired. I think this is more scary sometimes because now i do have a job and my life is pretty normal and so when you get one it is pretty scary. I look at this whole thing as like a scale with baby blues at one end, right through to pp at the other, we are all the same i suppose it is just where we are on the scale. Does this make sense?
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Post by Veritee on Nov 27, 2005 14:45:57 GMT
Yes it does Kate - very much - I suppose that this is what I have thought at times that PNI is a scale ( I have called it a continuum or a pattern) but you hate put it better than I
and we are all on that scale somewhere
which is why we can sometimes relate to women who have had PNI of some sort often better than those who have not had it at all .
But I suppose some women go further up the scale before they start going down and maybe some start further along.
I am sorry you are still getting the odd hallucination.
I can relate to getting a recurrence of symptoms his when you are tired. If was not this that came back for me as hallucinations only lasted for me a few months, but for some time when I was tired and stressed out of the blue my awful thoughts would come back, the thoughts of hurting Caja and myself.
I have not had them for a few years now but this was for me the last thing to go completely.
You must be very strong to go back to work after suffering such an awful illness. I know I went back after 8 months but for me it was a refuge as when I was at work I did not have to look after Caja as someone else did and my job was so protected that I would almost have had to plant a bomb to be dismissed
but I have taken on board what you said about my not being able to hold down a job if I had have had PNI whatever I thought at the time.
Are you going to be watching the BBC Real Story tomorrow night?
I do not know if they interviewed women with PP, PNI or both but we will all be there watching with our flasks of tea or something stronger.
All the best
veritee
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Post by katew on Nov 27, 2005 14:58:41 GMT
I am not sure whether to watch it. I dont know whether it will make me worse. I have so many mixed emotions inside and i dont know whether it will add to them. I am quite confused over the best thing to do.
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Post by Veritee on Nov 27, 2005 16:44:25 GMT
Well probably best not to if you are unsure....
I always found that hearing others stories was a comfort as it was when I felt alone with this , that it was the worse for me -
but I do know that for many it is the opposite , that hearing others stories or even relating to those who have experienced similar, makes it worse as it dredges up the feelings and makes them very Raw again.
So if you feel like this then probably its not really good to watch something like the Real Story on PNI.
Its funny but watching programmes about PNI does not do this to me although I really felt I suffered at the time with it - but if I see any programs about the 'old' type big psychiatric institutions and what happened in there ( and pro grammes about this are on from time to time )
even though although I was discharged 33 years ago this year, it is as if it happened yesterday, it brings back all the feelings and it is not good for me at all.
So if you think it is like this for you it is probably not a good idea to watch it. I quite understand why you would not want to, I will watch it as apart from my own experience I am interested in anything that publicizes PNI and to see what approach they take to it
But even if you do not watch it we will all be on line tomorrow night after-wards if you want to join us?
ATB
Veritee
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Post by katew on Nov 27, 2005 16:48:17 GMT
Thanks, am very lonely at the moment. Dont know where to turn
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Post by Veritee on Nov 27, 2005 17:29:17 GMT
I really do know what you mean
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Post by natalie on Nov 27, 2005 20:20:26 GMT
Hi Girls
I just wanted to say I am not worried about being able the hide PP with a future child - no way I or anyone with PP could hide it when it takes hold.
I am concerned more of being able to hide PNI as so many of the others try.
I am grateful for your story Veritee, but condoning none drug theprapy for PP is terrible, and puts you in bad light in my eyes. Many women as myself are terrified of being drugged up to the eyeballs and never again seeing the light of day - put away in an institution to root away.
I had to be drugged up otherwise I probably would have had heart failiure, due to my constant racing around, no sleep etc...
So please be more careful in the future about the gright treatment, as you see it. You have a huge responsibility toi the women and families that visit this site.
PP IS A VERY SEVERE ILLNESS AND REQUIRES IMEDIATE MEDICAL ATTENTION.
Natlaie
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Post by natalie on Nov 27, 2005 20:23:51 GMT
Thanks for all the replies to my posts, I am here to support you ladies also, as you are for me.
Kate, you have no need to feel lonele, I am here for you always, call me anytime
Take care all
Natalie
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Post by Veritee on Nov 27, 2005 20:52:55 GMT
Dear Natalie
I am very sorry but ........
I really was not condemning taking medication or encouraging anyone not to seek drug therapy and I do very much understand that can be very necessary.
I have seen some very good friends - and others - with episodes that I knew they just had to be medicated.
I apologize as I made a mistake confiding my story about fearing I had PP and about my history in a very different mental health service than exists today - as it was not appropriate for me to seek support on here and led to so much misunderstanding
and I think what I was talking about - which was my experiences and my fears - has been misunderstood and this is my fault as I have a history that I doubt many women with PNi do have and I have found before that it is not appropriate for me to try to discuss my issues around this on the forum and I really do apologize that I did
But please understand that I do not at all condemn drug therapy and in fact do everything I can to find out information on medication people are taking...
and to support women that are on medication - you will see this is so from all my posts on the subject... I have every confidence that any medication offered today and any psychiatric care will be done with great care and of benefit to the person concerned
but I personally suffer a sort of phobia about taking it due to my own experiences when I was 17 and in discussing my experiences and my fear of being hospitalized and bring put on medication I was entirely talking about myself from my own point of view of how I felt when I was very ill
and this has no relevance to anyone else's situation - I was just looking for support which I should not have done
and I totally agree that PP needs immediate medical attention.
I am just very sorry
I used this forum for my own feelings and my own support when I write this thread I was talking about my own fears having experienced a very severer form of drug therapy in 1970 which would never happen to anyone now !!!
which made me so frightened to seek help when I had PNI several years later and my fears at the time were that I was iller than PNI and that I had PP and I was endangering my daughter by not having drug therapy.
I know that this is my stuff entirely and talking to Kate has actually helped me to understand that I did not in fact t have PP
But I never meant to suggest that women should not take medication. I was just telling my own story which I realize now I should not as it is alway disastrous for the forum if I do that
For most women who suffer PNI and not PP it is to a degree a choice whether to take medication but I
Fully and absolutely accept that PP can be a medical emergency and their is usually no choice but to offer medication
and also that the doctors know what they are doing .
I am sorry if I have made you think I felt otherwise I made a mistake
All the best
veritee
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Post by natalie on Nov 27, 2005 21:05:45 GMT
Veritee
I think you feel you are being attatcked on your own forum, which is not the case.
For both Kate and I our experiences are very raw, and so sometimes just trying to get a point across is hard as Puerperal Psychosis is so hard to understand.
I just wanted to support others and get some support also in the forums. I do feel giving PP its own section was a possible mistake, and has made sufferers isolated.
Natalie
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Post by bam02 on Nov 27, 2005 21:12:19 GMT
Natalie, I am pleased that you feel more listened to, but what you said about Veritee, 'condoning none drug therapy for PP is terrible, and puts you in bad light in my eyes' i believe is incorrect she no where says this. She only said she didn't have medication herself
" I did this – I did not have medication and only saw a private counsellor"
No one doubts that medical help is needed but the problem as with all psychiatric illness is identifying them and getting the right treatment. People can hide away from help for years. Because no-one sees them it can be missed.
I don't pretend to understand how you feel, but hope you do appreciate we can try and listen. I am well aware of problems with other people not understanding from my own perspective - but they are are not me so how can they know how i feel. i do appreciate it when people try though.
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Post by natalie on Nov 27, 2005 21:17:09 GMT
Bam
Having had PP, I just wanted others who come here for support to realise that the use of anti psychotics etc are necessary, did you see the artical in the Mirror yesterday! Dont want to mention any more on here about that, but without drugs, I wouldnt be here telling my tale I am sure
Natalie
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Post by cheshire on Nov 27, 2005 21:20:56 GMT
Natalie
It was nice to finally catch up again in the chat room, thanks as I needed a chat really too.
I am sorry I did not respond to your thread before - it is only because I have not had PP and Kate has helped me to see that you can have things like hallucinations etc. with severe PNI and I like the 'line ' analogy too...but I haven't had PP, so didn't know how to help.
I know you are busy just now with your little one - so take care and I will take your advice about rest.
Thanks x
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