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Post by kankick on Nov 26, 2007 14:13:52 GMT
Hi guys...!
My girlfriend has seen her doctor.They say she is making some improvement but not as quick as she should react to the medication she is on.Her mental state is stable and she is tring to retain her old self but as yall can guess it wont be overnight thing.But as some pple have said on here it might take some time but things really look +ive.Just glad that the change is for the better though.Just taking it one day at a time and hopefully she will be alrite soon.As for my baby did see her this morning but it wasnt an easy thing, be going back to see her again tomorro.
Any suggestions guys on what she kud do to help herself on2 a speedy recovery?Wud appreciate that.Anyone whu has been through the same predicament, and any1 get bk plizzzz.
Thanks..
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Post by helenr on Nov 26, 2007 20:33:49 GMT
Hi Kankick,
havn't been on the site for a while, so a bit late in inroducing myself.
Your girlfriend is extremely lucky to have you as a partner, and I'm glad you managed to see your baby today.
You are both doing everything you can to help with her recovery, but unfortunately no-one can tell you how long she's going to be unwell for. Its the most frustrating and cruel aspect of this illness.
Try to make sure you're looking after yourself as well, do you have much support near you?
Thinking of you all, love and hugs x
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Post by winegirl on Nov 26, 2007 22:09:19 GMT
Hi Kankick,
Great news on things looking up for your girlfriend, i really wish her a speedy recovery. There is not much you can do to speed this process up for her, just be there for her and understanding too, which you already are.
Hope you have a nice time seeing your baby again tomorrow, will be thinking of you x
WG
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Post by Scarlet on Nov 27, 2007 11:03:42 GMT
Kankick, From my own experience, I found that having support and help with my baby (especially during evenings), and a shoulder to cry on and vent my frustrations to, were very important to my recovery. I also found that getting out and about, even if it was just to the shops once a day, really helped. Perhaps when she has been out of the hospital for a little while, you and her could enrol at the local gym to build up her self-esteem again. I have heard that excercise really helps with depression/anxiety. Above all, be non judgemental (sorry to say this again), expect a lot of mood swings, tears & anger, hug her without expectations and talk to her lots, tell her that you love her and will stand by her... Love can move mountains you know ;D Oh and give her the link to this site . Good look Sir.. Scarlet X
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Post by marion on Nov 27, 2007 13:17:40 GMT
HI Kankick
I sounds like you are doing all the right things. Being there for her is so important and I am glad you have made contact with your baby agian. There are no answers for speedy recovery - just goto keep trying and being supportive and your girlfriend will get there. Glad she's seen the dr's. Have they given her a diagnoses? I know they dont always but I think it helps to know.
Love Marion.
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Post by kankick on Dec 10, 2007 17:02:23 GMT
Hi all...Just had to let you guys know whats been happening.Really been on a down..
My girlfriends 28 days were due last Friday and after an assesment she is not going to be out of hospital at any time soon.She seeems to be alrite to me but i guess the doctors know better and they say she is not in the right state of mentality yet and needs to be monitered further.Just dont know what to think nor do.
The problem i have is that i feel she is pushing me away as she never talks to me that deep about what she is going through as a partner.And as much as i try to be there sometimes she hardly talks to me and says she is tired or something.I wanna be there for her and help her in wateva way i can but the way that she reacts to me i cannot undastand.Times i feel like im useless and am not doing nothing.
Wish she could come to me in wateva is on her mind coz i wish i could get into her mind myself and help her on this.I am at that time wer i dont know wat to beieve ryt now.As for the baby she is alrite but things are messed up for me quite honest.Just wish she could realise that this whole thing is killing me too coz i try to be strong and act up but God knows this experience is messing ma head up.Especially thinking about the baby coz me i dont want to raise her on my own as i believe she needs me as much as she needs her mum and we should give her the best in both of us.But i guess if things continue as thy are i should think about the baby cuz i miss her a lot.
How long should i continue to wait pple?Know its been said it myt take a while but would i be wrong if i step up where the baby is concerned?
Another thing my girlfriend hardly talks about the baby.Even when i tell her im going to see her, she never asks me next time im with her how she is or anything.And when i ask about stuff i be thinkin to do concerning the baby she doesnt wanna discuss it.Always says we will sometime...I just dont undastand that.Anyone??
Well i know some pple will think im just being impatient or in a rush but guys there is a baby in this and she aint talkin with me or is it just part of the illness?Just dont undastand cuz sumtymz she talks but lately she been too quiet..
Any help mostly appreciated Plizzzzz.
Are things gonna get better for us?Back to normal coz me i dont know what to think.Believe in my girlfriend and always known she can beat any situation but this semms to have hit her hard and all.
Plzz help..
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Post by marion on Dec 10, 2007 18:27:32 GMT
HI Kankick
I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend is still in hospital but please trust the dr's - they know what they're talking about. When I was first admitted to hospital I wasnt really interested in my daughter Chloe. I asked because I felt I should - but talking about her brought back all the memories of when I'd been at home struggling and feeling so ill on my own. Things will get better for you but it isnt a short process, especially where hospital is concerned. For me (and I dont want to scare you but I will be honest) I have been in hospitla for 15motnhs and I'm only just reaching discharge but that is because of so many facotrs such as side effects off meds. It sounds like the meds are suiting your girlfriend so I'm sure she wo t be in hospitla for as long as me but it does tka e time. For me, I just didnt want to talk to my hubby sometimes when he would ring or come and see me and that's not because I didnt appreciate the support or need him any less - I just needed to spend time healing in the hospital away from the pressures of the outside world.
I will pm you anyway to see if I can be of any help.
Love Marion.
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Post by Veritee on Dec 10, 2007 19:13:32 GMT
Marion is right - that you have to trust the doctors looking after your girlfriend right now. I know it is so hard for you - but her recovery could be some time yet.
As for your baby
It is very possible that she will show very little interest in her baby for a while yet. I know that this is hard for you as you will have to be both mum and dad to your baby and act as if you are.
This is very difficult - but while in an ideal world it would be the best to have both a mum and dad - or at least two people caring for a baby and supporting each other.............
This is not always possible all of the time when one of you is ill or due to other circumstances.
and it can be done - you can be the main carer for your baby for a while and your baby will not miss out or be affected.
A baby needs their needs met and one can do this as well as two - so can a father on his own.
My brother is a single parent to 4 children and has been since the youngest was 2 months old - this youngest is now aged 12 - it is hard but it can be done without the children suffering.
In your case this will be temporary and will not be the situation for many years as it is for my brother.
But PNI can take time - so it could be the situation for you for some months and you may have to do the bulk of the care for your baby for longer than this
Of course NEVER push your girlfriend out - if she shows any interest or wants to be with her baby of course encourage her all you can
But in the mean tine you are this babies available parent so this is your role just now. I think on the whole her being quiet right now is a stage in the illness she is at
...............and it maybe best to give her her privacy to work it out for herself.
but I DO KNOW as I write this how hard this will be for you.
All I can say is you are doing your best and the best is all you can do
get some support for yourself through this too
have you considered or are you having counseling? What support do you have on a daily basis? all the best
Veritee
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Post by winegirl on Dec 10, 2007 20:55:14 GMT
Hi Kankick
I am by nature the most talkative person in the world. Really never shut up.But since suffering with PNI my OH has been complaining that I just never talk to him, and he is right, I dont.
It is hard to explain why, its kind of like I dont have the energy to talk or my brain is just on a different plate and it takes too much concentration to talk. I feel bad about this for him and our relationship, so I do try, but it really is very difficult.
I am sorry your girlfriend is still in hospital and hope she is discharged really soon. Please keep talking to us if you think ot is helping x
WG x
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Post by kankick on Dec 11, 2007 17:31:34 GMT
Thanks a lot guys for the response.As yu all can imagine things are hard for me ryt now.Just gonna have to sacrifice some stuff but its all worth it.Just gotta take care of my baby.Been doing a lotta thinking and didnt wanna rush things and thought wateva i am to do i will talk it out with her first but like i said its not a lot coming out off her.
Haven't talked to her for a couple of days nor seen her, i just think its best to call the hospital on a daily basis asking how she is since she mite want to be alone.
Kind of scary (Chloe) knowing you been in hospital that long.Just dont wanna think about that quite honest.And (Winegirl) thanks for your words as i learn something new everytime here.Guess i just have to do what i have to do.
About me getting counselling, i have thought about it but its something that i didnt wanna give into.At the begnning of all this drama i had to see a doc and be on some drugs and it was obvious all the headaches i was havin it was bcoz of my problems.I am taking it easy ryt now, try to be occupied all the time so i dont think a lot.But i will definitely seek some counselling as i feel i need it coz to be honest i dont let people know what really im going thru as i dont wanna upset pple as things are bad as they are.Just try my best to be the strong one and all.My everyday life basis, i spend more time at work ryt now.I do this coz honestly im not sociable ryt now and since i work night shifts 6/7 days most of the day i will be sleeping.Only wake up two hours before my next shift and thats all i do.Know its unhealthy but am at a low ryt now and just dont feel like doing anything or socialising.This is the only way i keep my mind off things.Am not even looking foward festivities unless if i have my baby by then.
Thanks a lot Vee for those words.Just have to do wat i have to do and hopfully things will get better for me but ryt now its one day at a time and just keep on hoping.
Will keep you guys posted but would mostly appreciate any advice anyone can give...
Thanks...
Will let yu guys know how things go as i will be sorting out getting my little girl back and making other relevant arrangements.
Thanks yet again...
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Post by winegirl on Dec 11, 2007 20:16:25 GMT
Hi Kankick
yes please do let us know how things go. Please know we are always here for you to offload at this stressful time too.
Try to take things a bit easy when you can, I know keeping busy keeps your mind occupied but dont forget to rest too. x
Take Care
WG x
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Post by kankick on Dec 11, 2007 22:12:06 GMT
Thanks....Am trying guys.Aint that easy quite honestly...But am doin ma best trust me..
Thanks..
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Post by winegirl on Dec 11, 2007 22:17:12 GMT
We are always here and listening kancik. x
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Post by kankick on Dec 11, 2007 22:24:29 GMT
If i can ask...Like how come the social workers who kept visiting her and helping her around with stuff never detected this?
Keep asking myself this coz as for me i knew something was wrong way before this happened but was never aware there is such an illness and that it can get this extreme.Even asked her friends but they thout she was acting normal and just herself.Just thout maybe she didnt wanna be with me or something coz she was actin differently but.....
Dont understand aswell coz my girlfriend was extremely happy to be havin this baby...
Just questions i keep asking myself.Will keep yall posted on any developments.Thanks for the support.Cant talk to anyone like i do here and really appreciate this guyz... Thanks..
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Post by winegirl on Dec 12, 2007 10:50:31 GMT
Hi Kankick
It was about a year in before anyone picked up that I had problems. Though my OH knew all along and was really cross that noone else could see it. I think perhaps I must have masked what was going on in front of other people. Plus I guess it takes someone who really knows you to see what is going on with you.
I too was extremely happy to be having our baby. I have loved her from the moment I fell pregnant with her> We tried for suh a long time and because I have PCOS was told that I had a very slim chance of conceiving, so I was over the moon when it happened. I think it is one of those things that doesnt matter how excited or prepared you are for it, if it's gonna get you it just will. It is so unfair.
Have you spoken to the hospital today? How is she doing? Ans how is your baby doing?
WG x
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