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Post by monica on Jul 27, 2009 11:33:27 GMT
Hi
how are you shell?
Monica
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Jul 27, 2009 12:41:09 GMT
Hi
Not feeling very good today. I feel so low and unhappy. Started last night with me in floods of tears over Jack because I miss him so much and it really hurts me. Took me a few hours to drag myself out of bed and I refuse to go out today because I cant face anyone or anything.
Shell xxx
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Post by winegirl on Jul 28, 2009 8:21:31 GMT
Sorry Shell I have only just seen your post!! Are you ok?? How was last night for you (I know it can be tough for you sometimes at night time)  |
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Jul 28, 2009 9:22:07 GMT
I have quit the nursery and not going to college in september now. I cant cope with the work and cant face even seeing anyone right now so never went into work today. Still havent rang them yet - cant face speaking to them either. Its too much and I am resenting the kids so much because I cant see Jack and its upsetting me more than I thought. I kow I wont cope with all the coursework so might as well give up before I start and waste everyones times.
I dont want to go out of the house - I dont want to see anyone either. My friend rang asking if I wanted him to come up and keep me company but I said no. Im no good to anyone whilst I am feeling so low.
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Post by monica on Jul 29, 2009 6:30:14 GMT
Hi
I wish i could wave a magic wand and make things right for you, so your mood would lift. This is a bad bad blip and it will lift.
Not seeing Jack must be dreadful but things do seem to be progressing. And i do know when feeling like this the last thing you want to do is contact people but it's what you need to do - to get help.
Thinking of you and sending you huge hugs
love
Monica
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Jul 29, 2009 15:43:43 GMT
dont feel like I am doing too well at all - keep crying over stupidest things, feel so low, cant eat, cant face anyone, and now I am having bad thoughts. I have it in my head that Jack has been killed and now I am waiting for someone to come round and tell me he is dead. Im working out in my head what to say to my friends and family about Jack being dead. I dont want to see Jack right now. It would be easier if he asnt here anymore and I could move on. That sounds so horrible and just shows what a terrible mum I really am and I dont deserve to see him. Started on the anxiety again - feel like I cant breathe sometimes and feel so sick with it. They stopped my anti-psycholtics last week and dont know if thats had an effect or whether this is just a plain case of depression again. I cant face ringing my cpn and doubt she can help
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Post by bean on Jul 29, 2009 20:32:34 GMT
Hi Shell
maybe you need to ring her and tell her how bad you feel, it could be to do with stopping the meds, i think she needs to know shell.
I know when you feel like this the last thing you want to do is see or talk to anyone, but just talking to someone may help darl, can you ring your mum or a friend? Please stay strong hun, you know where I am, just text if you need someone.
lots love bean x
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Post by cheshire on Jul 30, 2009 11:20:39 GMT
Hi Shell,
So sorry you're feeling so bad - as Bean says - it could be to do with the meds - can you contact her?
Thinking of you, Hopefulx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Jul 30, 2009 17:19:14 GMT
I rang her and she said nothing about the meds and told me I had to start trying to go out before it gets worse. Told her about the thoughts of Jack and she just said well its not true otherwise I would have heard by now - which is logic but I cant believe. Told her I cant face leaving the house. Wish she would understand. Told her I am constantly crying (which she knows is something i am never normally able to do), have no motivation, cant eat or sleep, have really bad anxiety and am so low but she didnt really have much to say. Found her useless which wasnt what I wanted. I have so lost faith in thr MHT now. Why did I bother to ring. I get wrong if I dont ask for help and when I do they do nothing. I feel so alone in this. My friend was supposed to come over to help me but she hasnt and i text her and shes not replying. I still think its the meds and that I still need them. Cpn is off for 2 weeks after tomorrow and she hasnt even put anything in place for me. So crap all of them
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Post by bean on Jul 30, 2009 17:31:28 GMT
Hi Shell
Just wanted to say, you're not alone hunny, I know everyone seems to be letting you down at the mo, but keep talking here chic. I know i cant do anything to help, just to let you know Im thinking of you and here if you need anything.
You will get through this, stay strong and keep talking.
lots of love and hugs
bean x
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Post by littlelotty on Jul 30, 2009 17:34:37 GMT
Hi Shell
Ring the mental health team and ask to see the duty worker - that is your right and if not just turn up and demand to be seen. You should be seen and they should help you hun. If not i will ring them for you. PM me if you need to.
Take care hun and you know we are here for you and anything we can do just say.
LL
XX
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Post by winegirl on Jul 31, 2009 10:01:33 GMT
Hi Shell
Yes I would say it crtainly sounds like its the meds. When i was on them I think i was emotionally numb, no tears, nothing. Then not long after stopping them i found i would cry at pretty much anything. It was very odd. But expected when you thing how the chemistry in your brain has changed after stopping them.
Did your friend ever get back to you? How you doing this morning?
I am thinking of you x
WG xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Jul 31, 2009 13:41:19 GMT
Am still feeling so bad - its not even getting any better. Thought it would have gotten better by now. I am not bothering with the MHT anymore - I will just see my cpn when she comes and visits me but not going to ring them anymore. I am just going to manage on my own as best as I can. Right now I will just try ride it out and hope that it doesnt get any worse. Just wish I could have something for this anxiety as its so bad. Still cant leave the house and dont want to either. My friend said she might come tomorrow but I doubt she will as she is always busy with kids and family and stuff and never ever comes round. I need someone to come so they can post something for me because I wont go to the letter box
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Post by winegirl on Jul 31, 2009 14:35:27 GMT
I remember being trapped in the house like that, and you wont like what I am going to say but I know that it is right - you HAVE to go to the postbox. The more you stay in, the worse it gets. I was housebound for months with teh anxiety and had to try the graded exposure on my own, first to the street corner, then the co-op and so on. And yes it was horrid, but it worked and I am back where I am today.
FORCE yourself to the postbox. Run there if you have to, but you have to do this Shell for your own sanity
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Post by monica on Jul 31, 2009 14:41:22 GMT
Hi
Have you thought about going to A&E? Often they'd refer you to a consultant psychiatrist who would review your meds. I know it's hard to do anything when in that mood but you have to make yourself.
Your cpn is crap - it makes me so angry how they can just brush you (and others) under the carpet. Butyou have keep pushing and pushing. You can do it
Love
Monica
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