Post by Bookwormprincess on Aug 18, 2009 15:52:31 GMT
Hi Nikki,
I haven't posted on this board before because my thoughts haven't troubled me greatly since I stopped being psychotic, which was only for 2 weeks thereabouts, but when I told my husband about some of the weird intrusive thoughts I still had he thought they were perhaps a remnant of the PP rather than normal parenting anxieties.
I don't dwell on the thoughts, they just flash through my mind sometimes but I have begun to question why they appear.
They are usually along the lines of "What if I put my hands around my son's neck and strangled him?" or "What if I left him outside on his own and he wandered the streets crying or ran in front of a car?" or "What if a family member has been in a car crash because I've not had a reply to my text?" or "What if I abused my son or if someone else did?". They always make my stomach lurch and scare me, but as soon as they enter my head they leave again and I get over it. I have read so many stories of child abuse and child neglect in the past that the thoughts are often centred around that subject concerning my own son.
I've always had weird 'what if' thoughts, like if I carry a pair of scissors I sometimes think "What if I just cut all my hair off now?" or when I am somewhere high or dear a drain I think "What if I took my wedding ring off and dropped it over the bridge/down the drain on purpose?". They are so bizarre.
I am glad that your psychiatrist explained these thoughts and that you shared what he said Nikki, because it has reassured me that I am ok and not crazy or still ill, since I feel almost 100% recovered now my son is 20months. Have felt better for about 4 months now.
I like calling them irrational thoughts and that everyone has them now and again. They are irrational but play on your worst fears. I also love that he explained they happen because we love our children and family so much and that they are the most precious people to us, which is how I feel.
I really hope these thoughts eventually go away because even though I don't focus on them they are alarming and upsetting at the time and kind of remind me of my psychosis when I was scared I would hurt my son or myself.
I haven't told anyone else apart from my husband about these thoughts as I feel no-one else would understand, and I know I would NEVER act on any of them, they are just fears. I haven't had any form of counselling for my PP although I am seen by a psychologist every 2 weeks but she just checks I am doing ok. I've never felt able to open up to her really. So it has been really good to come on here and read your post and your explaination. Thanks.
I can definitely identify with some people's fears that if you voice your thoughts your child will be taken away from you. That was how I felt when I was in the depths of PP in a pyschiatric ward. It's so scary. I wish professionals would make it clear how rare it is for a woman suffering from pp or pnd to have her child taken into care. I would often be distraught and have to have my husband reassure me that our son was safe and could not be taken away.
I'm glad you are recovered now Nikki. It really does feel good to come out the other side.
I haven't posted on this board before because my thoughts haven't troubled me greatly since I stopped being psychotic, which was only for 2 weeks thereabouts, but when I told my husband about some of the weird intrusive thoughts I still had he thought they were perhaps a remnant of the PP rather than normal parenting anxieties.
I don't dwell on the thoughts, they just flash through my mind sometimes but I have begun to question why they appear.
They are usually along the lines of "What if I put my hands around my son's neck and strangled him?" or "What if I left him outside on his own and he wandered the streets crying or ran in front of a car?" or "What if a family member has been in a car crash because I've not had a reply to my text?" or "What if I abused my son or if someone else did?". They always make my stomach lurch and scare me, but as soon as they enter my head they leave again and I get over it. I have read so many stories of child abuse and child neglect in the past that the thoughts are often centred around that subject concerning my own son.
I've always had weird 'what if' thoughts, like if I carry a pair of scissors I sometimes think "What if I just cut all my hair off now?" or when I am somewhere high or dear a drain I think "What if I took my wedding ring off and dropped it over the bridge/down the drain on purpose?". They are so bizarre.
I am glad that your psychiatrist explained these thoughts and that you shared what he said Nikki, because it has reassured me that I am ok and not crazy or still ill, since I feel almost 100% recovered now my son is 20months. Have felt better for about 4 months now.
I like calling them irrational thoughts and that everyone has them now and again. They are irrational but play on your worst fears. I also love that he explained they happen because we love our children and family so much and that they are the most precious people to us, which is how I feel.
I really hope these thoughts eventually go away because even though I don't focus on them they are alarming and upsetting at the time and kind of remind me of my psychosis when I was scared I would hurt my son or myself.
I haven't told anyone else apart from my husband about these thoughts as I feel no-one else would understand, and I know I would NEVER act on any of them, they are just fears. I haven't had any form of counselling for my PP although I am seen by a psychologist every 2 weeks but she just checks I am doing ok. I've never felt able to open up to her really. So it has been really good to come on here and read your post and your explaination. Thanks.
I can definitely identify with some people's fears that if you voice your thoughts your child will be taken away from you. That was how I felt when I was in the depths of PP in a pyschiatric ward. It's so scary. I wish professionals would make it clear how rare it is for a woman suffering from pp or pnd to have her child taken into care. I would often be distraught and have to have my husband reassure me that our son was safe and could not be taken away.
I'm glad you are recovered now Nikki. It really does feel good to come out the other side.