Post by michelle79 on Jul 11, 2009 20:27:43 GMT
I had a moment of inspiration where I wanted to write to my SH and tell it what I thought. I hope you dont think its a stupid thing to do:
To my self harm
I have known you for 3 years now and you have changed me in ways I could never have imagined. I thought you would be easy to control and to stop easily but I was wrong wasn’t I. You have made me believe that you are the only thing I can do to cope with my bad days and traumas. I want you to be wrong but somehow I am stuck with you now because I can’t fight you. You have such a strong invisible hold on me and no one can remove you from me even though they have my permission to do so. Why do you have to be a big part of my life? Why did you let me go deeper and deeper and scar my arms and legs to the point of no return? I have to live with those scars and that constant reminder of the hurt and pain that drove me towards cutting every single day. I have to live with the constant shooting pains up my arms because you let me go deep and damage the nerves. Why can’t I say NO to you? Why won’t you leave me alone and let me rebuild me life? Do you know what it is like to live with you?
I don’t think you will ever leave my life completely. I am going to keep trying to fight you and try and get stronger but I think that some days you will win and I can’t stop you winning. I am going to give you a run for your money though so be warned.
I want you to know how much I hate you. I hate the fact you have been in my life, helped me destroy myself and I hate the fact that I can’t get you to leave me. I hate that you have so much control over me. Do you think it’s funny to have so much control over someone’s mind when they are feeling vulnerable? I don’t think you are funny. I think you are evil. Do you not realise that it’s not just me that you are hurting but all my friends and family. They suffer too because they love me and don’t like to see me be full of hurt and pain and cutting.
I don’t really know what else to say to you but please can I have my life back? I don’t deserve to have you with me any longer.
Shell xxx
To my self harm
I have known you for 3 years now and you have changed me in ways I could never have imagined. I thought you would be easy to control and to stop easily but I was wrong wasn’t I. You have made me believe that you are the only thing I can do to cope with my bad days and traumas. I want you to be wrong but somehow I am stuck with you now because I can’t fight you. You have such a strong invisible hold on me and no one can remove you from me even though they have my permission to do so. Why do you have to be a big part of my life? Why did you let me go deeper and deeper and scar my arms and legs to the point of no return? I have to live with those scars and that constant reminder of the hurt and pain that drove me towards cutting every single day. I have to live with the constant shooting pains up my arms because you let me go deep and damage the nerves. Why can’t I say NO to you? Why won’t you leave me alone and let me rebuild me life? Do you know what it is like to live with you?
I don’t think you will ever leave my life completely. I am going to keep trying to fight you and try and get stronger but I think that some days you will win and I can’t stop you winning. I am going to give you a run for your money though so be warned.
I want you to know how much I hate you. I hate the fact you have been in my life, helped me destroy myself and I hate the fact that I can’t get you to leave me. I hate that you have so much control over me. Do you think it’s funny to have so much control over someone’s mind when they are feeling vulnerable? I don’t think you are funny. I think you are evil. Do you not realise that it’s not just me that you are hurting but all my friends and family. They suffer too because they love me and don’t like to see me be full of hurt and pain and cutting.
I don’t really know what else to say to you but please can I have my life back? I don’t deserve to have you with me any longer.
Shell xxx
