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Post by lordleake on Jun 11, 2010 18:58:27 GMT
But WG. I am now the enemy. My wife is suffering from PNI of that there is no doubt. And I am almost certainly going to go to war with her for my family. Her PNI will get worse if I win. I appreciate the sentiment but I'm sure if you read half the stories on this forum about the terrible men who just won't understand and have abandoned their SO, you would find some poor fool like me who only ever tried to do the right thing by his family, but just couldn't tick all the boxes.
Just had a really long good talk with my dad though. Of all the people to talk me down I didn't think he'd be the one. Told me that my wife is just lashing out at me as she knows she is wrong. That she is doing the same thing as he did to my mothre when they broke up (it was that kind of heavy talk). Demonize the other person to quantify what you've done to them. Had a lot of positive stuff from him about myself. It feels kinda bad to think that what you need is your ass kissed but it really did help. Positive vibes towards me and a different perspective on what she is doing. I know she feels guilty and you don't feel guilty if your 100% blameless.
I'm doing it again aren't I. I really have found this forum helpful but I don't want to generate bad feeling. I especially dont want to upset any ladies going through what my wife is going through looking at this and seeing you guys being so kind to me (the enemy). Let me know what you think.
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Post by WG not logged in on Jun 12, 2010 8:50:20 GMT
Hi Lordleake
Well in my opinion you are certainly not the enemy, you are just another person whose life has been affected by PNI. We are not a forum exclusively for women, though that is how we started many years ago.. But now we are here to support anyone who has been affected from PNI.
I cannot imagine that any of the ladies who use this sight would be in anyway offended or view you as `the enemy'. We would welcome you using this forum if you are finding it helpful.
Take Care
WG x
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Post by lordleake on Jun 14, 2010 16:03:32 GMT
I really am getting frustrated with her now. She was absoloutely vile to me on Friday, saying that she had changed her mind about access, calling me all the names under the sun. I go round Saturday morning to pick up a couple of bits and she's really bitter about the fact I won't have the kids so she can go out (kind of understandable don't you think. I'm gonna sit there like a mug wondering who she's with and what she's doing) and I was just cold a neutral. She then calls me Saturday afternoon all bouncy and wanting to tell me about her latest rebellion (her words). That she has bought three more pairs of flip-flops. She then texts me that she's put her belly bar back in. Ok. So now were friends. On Sunday she goes home sick and later on goes to talk to the neighbour about something for me. I call her later to ask if shes feeling better and thanks for your help, and she tells me I'm going to have to stop making this type of call, to back away. Then today she comes round and I'm just neutral, only talk about the practicalities of the kids and just get on with selling my stuff on ebay, and she asks if I'm pi**ed off with her. I really don't know where I stand with her anymore. But with the things that she has said there is no chance of reconciliation and she is now seeking legal advice. I don't want to be with her anymore anyway. Not after the way she's acted this week.
So. Question is how much of this is PNI and how much is just my ex being out of order?
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Post by rocker on Jun 15, 2010 11:50:22 GMT
lordleake
the ladies here may correct me if I'm wrong, but in my experience of how my wife gets on, these "personality swings" are pretty typical of the PNI I have seen my wife go through, in the same day I've been told she can't wait to be better so she has the strength to leave me, then a few hours later shes talking about trying for a second child
really I have no advice to give on the rest of your situation, I feel for you, but the stuff you describe in this latest post definitely sounds like PNI to me........
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Post by winegirl on Jun 16, 2010 9:48:56 GMT
Hi LL,
Yes these moods are very typical of PNI, but i will say this.. whether it is pni or it is more to do with her, either way; you dont need to put up with it. Let her seek legal advice and do whatever she needs to do. In the meantime, you keep cool and stay on top of things with your kids.
Noone deserves to be treated badly and it can only be detremental to your own mental health. Just focus on the children and yourself hun, you cant go yo-yoing like this all the time!
WG x
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Post by lordleake on Jun 18, 2010 15:25:18 GMT
She's divorcing me.
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Post by winegirl on Jun 18, 2010 16:59:33 GMT
Oh I am sorry hun. Has this come about after meeting her solicitor?
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Post by lordleake on Jun 19, 2010 18:38:02 GMT
yes
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Post by lordleake on Jun 19, 2010 21:36:46 GMT
She's got him and a girlie friend of hers over now. She says he's hooking up with the girlie friend but it really is a punch in the mouth for me. I was just six feet away from him tonight. Walked in and he's stood in my living room. Could've killed him with my bare hands. My wife steered me out and took me to the park to calm down. She shows softness towards me but just couldn't care less about my feelings. She says that I left her alone with her feelings for a year. I abandoned her, so it is only right she does the same to me.
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Post by winegirl on Jun 20, 2010 8:46:59 GMT
Ok, PNI or not, this is not acceptable behaviour, and to say that it is only right to treat you how you treated her is game playing and not nice. Also, you did well not to knock the guy out, not sure i could have been so restrained!
I know this is all so hard for you, but you have to start doing everything for you now. To be a good man, a good dad, and a happy person away from your wife. This is no good for your own mental health.
Where are you stopping now?
WG x
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Post by caterina on Jul 5, 2010 0:45:14 GMT
Hi there I've been reading through your posts and I just wanted to let you know that no one is considered an enemy here. We're all affected by PNI in different ways and will support both a husband and wife through it, albeit separately if that's whats needed. We're not here to judge you, we're a support network of mainly women - some men who've experienced PNI so understand. Keep talking if it's helping you x
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Post by lordleake on Jul 6, 2010 20:34:04 GMT
Hell of a rollercoaster recently. I am now homeless, bumming around on peoples couches and spare rooms. It's my 29th birthday tomorrow and in a fortnight it'll be my 4th wedding anniversary. We've agreed a 50/50 split of contact and if I can get her to allow me to claim for at least one of the childrens child benefit then I have a chance to get a 2 bed place so they can all stay over with me any time. Saw the petition for divorce at her house so she really is proceeding at full speed. Not seeing any chance of reconciliation and my anti-depressants just aren't strong enough anymore (got an appointment for this next week. Get an upgrade) Life is about as bleak as it could be and I have been troubled by suicidal thoughts on a regular basis. Spending as much time as possible with the kids. She keeps acting reasonably and then doing really insensitive things. Saying things that cut me down and I really don't think she realises it. She was complaining to me the other day about how the rumour is going around that she had an affair with the postman git faced shit. She started by blaming me as it was from friends of mine the subject had come up, I told her that it was her who had done something that created the rumour and if she was that bothered she wouldn't stand outside the school laughing and joking with him and she said "I wish I had done more now." I know she was just making an off the cuff remark about being judged for something she hadn't actually done but FFS. This event has destroyed me. I attempted to kill myself twice when the grief was just too much to deal with and she still uses the words "it was only a kiss" (doesn't talk about the photos or discussions about having an affair). I have good days and bad days but I most of all just need to get onto some meds that actually level me out. Can't handle this pain right now. Too many important things to deal with. Can't let myself get crippled with grief for my lost love. I know she is lost to me. I know it's not fair. I know I don't deserve this. But knowing and feeling are different things and I just need to keep being the best dad I can.
Thank you for your messages of support.
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Post by cazfletcher on Jul 6, 2010 21:11:00 GMT
hi i know ive not been posting to you but i couldnt let this go on for you tonight without a response. you need to see someone before next week, keep on at them if you have to. if you feel up to it, show them this post coz you really need to be supported right now. i hope you are safe tonight and that you get help this week. thinking of you
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Post by winegirl on Jul 7, 2010 13:22:19 GMT
Hi Hun
You will find the right meds for you, but a very clever dr once reminded me that they are a life jacket, they will stop you from drowning but you have to get yourself out of the water. He was right. They will help you get on a bit of a better footing but the fighting has to come from you, and you will get there.
Everything is still raw and early days, perhaps when things are settled, you have your own place and a routine with the kids and a little time has passed things will get easier for you..
Hang in there and know that we are here if you need us x
Take Care
WG xx
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