Post by chibble on Nov 25, 2010 14:55:04 GMT
I have been going around in circles for the last six months, dealing with the worst kind of heartache and torment. I've convinced myself that my wife has PND, then she's convinced me that she hasn't and it's all down to me. So I'm hoping that someone out there can shed some light on this, because the Health Visitors and doctors have been no use at all.
Here's the long and short of it: I was made redundant. My wife discovered that she was pregnant with our third child, which was unplanned. We needed to move house and spent 2009 desperately trying to sell our home (in the worst economic climate in living memory!) After a year of being gazumped, having buyers pull out and going through what I thought was the most stressful time of our lives, we moved to our new home in January. It was a massive achievement, against all odds, but my wife couldn't seem to find anything positive to say about anything. Our son was a terrible sleeper and gave us no more than a few hours each night. I felt excluded and looked to my wife for reassurance, but she stopped any sort of physical contact, wouldn't kiss me or even hold hands. Then there was a moment, when it seemed that a switch was flicked in her head. She became teutonic and cold towards me, concentrating all of her affection on the children. Thankfully, none of this has been directed at the them. When our son was 5months old, she turned to me and said that she 'Couldn't do this anymore' as if it were the most natural thing in the world to end a marriage within months of having your third child. I suggested to her that it could be PND, but she visited the doctor alone and came home declaring 'You'll be pleased to know that I'm not insane!' as if it were some moral victory. She then began divorce proceeding against me and was dressing provocatively, going out drinking with her friends and treating me like something she'd stepped in. Even so, I made allowances for PND and tried to do everything possible to look after the children/night feeds etc so that she was able to rest. Then she couldn't sleep, even when given the opportunity. She lost a lot of weight, was barely eating
and her general behaviour was like a male mid-life-crisis. She convinced me that our relationship as over, as it had 'run its course' (very matter of fact) and I did not contest the divorce petition when it came through. She also told me that she couldn't recall a single redeeming feature of a 14 year relationship. I started a new job in October and on my return from my first day at work, she fainted and passed out for two minutes. I put her to bed and took over childcare duties on top of my new job, telling her to get some rest. She then became anxious, so I researched anxiety attacks and fainting, only to discover that these were also symptoms of PND. She then actively approached our GP to discover what was the cause and I spoke to them, suggesting that it was PND. I got the usual 'patient confidentiality' line - as i had done when I'd mentioned the same to the health visitor in the summer. 'We can't do anything unless the patient asks for help.' which doesn't happen if they're in denial. So I'm stuck, with no light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Does any of this ring any bells with anybody - and has PND prompted a divorce before? She seems to have done a lot of things just to spite me, even though she knows how she's destroying our lives. I keep trying to show her that I love her and care for her, but the more I do, the more she seems to resent my very existence.
Any thoughts or advice would be gratefully received, because I've been climbing a mountain for almost a year and there's no sign of a summit. Just one avalanche after another.
Here's the long and short of it: I was made redundant. My wife discovered that she was pregnant with our third child, which was unplanned. We needed to move house and spent 2009 desperately trying to sell our home (in the worst economic climate in living memory!) After a year of being gazumped, having buyers pull out and going through what I thought was the most stressful time of our lives, we moved to our new home in January. It was a massive achievement, against all odds, but my wife couldn't seem to find anything positive to say about anything. Our son was a terrible sleeper and gave us no more than a few hours each night. I felt excluded and looked to my wife for reassurance, but she stopped any sort of physical contact, wouldn't kiss me or even hold hands. Then there was a moment, when it seemed that a switch was flicked in her head. She became teutonic and cold towards me, concentrating all of her affection on the children. Thankfully, none of this has been directed at the them. When our son was 5months old, she turned to me and said that she 'Couldn't do this anymore' as if it were the most natural thing in the world to end a marriage within months of having your third child. I suggested to her that it could be PND, but she visited the doctor alone and came home declaring 'You'll be pleased to know that I'm not insane!' as if it were some moral victory. She then began divorce proceeding against me and was dressing provocatively, going out drinking with her friends and treating me like something she'd stepped in. Even so, I made allowances for PND and tried to do everything possible to look after the children/night feeds etc so that she was able to rest. Then she couldn't sleep, even when given the opportunity. She lost a lot of weight, was barely eating
and her general behaviour was like a male mid-life-crisis. She convinced me that our relationship as over, as it had 'run its course' (very matter of fact) and I did not contest the divorce petition when it came through. She also told me that she couldn't recall a single redeeming feature of a 14 year relationship. I started a new job in October and on my return from my first day at work, she fainted and passed out for two minutes. I put her to bed and took over childcare duties on top of my new job, telling her to get some rest. She then became anxious, so I researched anxiety attacks and fainting, only to discover that these were also symptoms of PND. She then actively approached our GP to discover what was the cause and I spoke to them, suggesting that it was PND. I got the usual 'patient confidentiality' line - as i had done when I'd mentioned the same to the health visitor in the summer. 'We can't do anything unless the patient asks for help.' which doesn't happen if they're in denial. So I'm stuck, with no light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Does any of this ring any bells with anybody - and has PND prompted a divorce before? She seems to have done a lot of things just to spite me, even though she knows how she's destroying our lives. I keep trying to show her that I love her and care for her, but the more I do, the more she seems to resent my very existence.
Any thoughts or advice would be gratefully received, because I've been climbing a mountain for almost a year and there's no sign of a summit. Just one avalanche after another.
