Sleep - HELP!!

[juppster]

Hi girls
Hubby and I are really at the end of our tethers with Jack and his sleeping Ever since i can remember he has gotten up 3 or 4 times a night and crept into our bed where he begins to wriggle and basically take over the whole bed. Hubby and I are SOOOO tired and have run out of ideas of how to make him stay in his bed. We have tried putting him back numerous times, tried a sticker chart, tried taking things away from him...currently he hasn't played on the Wii for over a week because he isn't managing to stay in his bed all night.
Any ideas would be most welcome

[Weeble]

Aghhhh, we have had this problem with s, as you know. This seems to be really common at four, virtually all my friends have this issue. I have found when I am really low it's more likely to happen. We followed the advice of our smmhv, she is a trained child psychotherapist. What she said is it's because during the night they get scared, their subconsciousness rules. She told us if the child needs to be with it's parents you should allow it to have some control over the situation. So we started allowing s to come in, and on those nights m leaves and sleeps in s bed. That sort of helped because at least everyone slept. Once it had become less of a source of family stress and s felt like he was in control, we started talking to him about it and saying that daddy and mummy wanted to sleep together etc. Then once he understood we offered the carrot of the blue light sabre, thing is it sort of worked, he only comes in on average one night a week and then we swap beds, but the tension and pressure have gone. Still it took us three months to sort, so not quick or easy.

Kat

[stevensmummy]

Hi Luv,

My sympathy to you!!! Its hell isnt it. I had a whole different approach to Kat. I refused to be pushed from our bed and made my HV aware of this when she suggested it.

My eldest had a bad spell. It turns out he was frightened. My middle son is doing something similar right now but its manageable. We bought him a night light. Something he chose himself. It was his comfort. He also got to choose a bedtime buddy, he helped him when he was afraid. We took him to the bear factory and he chose and made his own animal. It turned out to be a cow. And he was the source of bedtime success.

But Kat is right, you need to be not exhausted to cope with the siutation. Its easy to be irrational when you are knackered. Right now we have a musical mobile thing in our middle sons room, its his younger brothers and he likes it on always. But it helped to dispell the scary noises. So when he woke up I put on his little brothers mobile, saying that we didnt want us talking t waken him. That removed scary noises. gave him a book to look at and in a few minutes he was back asleep again. Its not only you that gets tired but them too so remember its only a matter of time till he falls back asleep. I only respond to actual fear. If its a carry on he gets sent back. No you dont scream the place down. You are a big boy, I'm having no nonsence etc etc. This is your bed and you will sleep in it, if not then you can look at your story book. You are not leavin until the alarm rings. I got an alarm where the light comes on with a little bleep when its 6.30 and he knows if the lights on then he can get up. Sometimes its a game and a tantrum then next time its fear, you learn to know the difference.

I hope my experience helps. I do know tho its not the same for everyone and you will get there.

Good Luck
Sarah x

[juppster]

Thank you so much for your advice girls, it really does feel like im the only one with a 4 year old who still wakes up during the night! This is what has happened the past few nights. We gave Jack the option of putting his baby gate back up at his bedroom door so that when he got up during the night it would remind him to go back to his bed! He seemed to like this idea very much and took much joy from opening and shutting it to make his bedroom his special den! The first night he got up twice, once to go to the toilet and once to turn his night light on as it was to dark, but both times he went back to his bed!! Last night he woke up 3 times, similar sorts of things but each time went back to his bed! tonight he has cried and says he doesn't want his gate up anymore! so hubby has taken it down and we shall see what happens tonight.
I really love the idea of the light on the alarm Sarah, this is something that i really may look into because at least if he does wake up early, he knows he can't get out of bed x

[Weeble]

Agree the light sounds great, s has two night lights, but none timed. You are so not the only one jo it's the number one topic of conversation.

Kat

[stevensmummy]

You really are not the only one! I promise you that. But it sounds to me like you are progressing. Its likely to just be a phase. Does it coincide with anything in his life? ie Nursery start, new people in his class etc. My son started bed wetting, turned out it was a school bully. These things apparently have triggers. So I'm told anyway. maybe his does too. Its worth thinking about. Mum says she remembers me as a child, waking afriad, turned out to be a bush scratching the window. I thought it was a tiger trying to eat me!

Good Luck! Just remember, you WILL get there xx

[juppster]

Thanks girls, you are great!
Well, we took the gate down as Jack insisted he wasn't a baby anymore!! fair enough! the first 2 nights he got into our bed and then last night a miracle happened!! He didn't get up once and when i woke up at 6.30am this morning i panicked!! Automatically thought something was wrong then i heard his little feet trundling across the landing!! Lets hope its the start of things to come x

[Weeble]

Well done, hopefully this is the beginning of the end

Kat

[nicola1712]

Yay well done you! I would have suggested the babygate thing too - we used it for H when she went through this phase too and now we have taken it down as well.
We also use nightlights - she has her own special kids lamp by her bed she can put on if she gets scared.
Our problem was that she kept going into her baby brother's room once we had put them both to bed - waking him, or getting up early and waking him up so we again used the babygate on his room and now just shut his door and she knows to leave him.

Well done for pesevering, and stick to your guns and he will learn - sleep deprivation sucks big time!

xx

[juppster]

Thanks girls
I am pleased to report that things are alot better. Some nights he hasn't gotten up at all and on the nights that he has snuck into our bed, just the mere mention of putting the gate back up has him on his toes and back to his own bed!!! He does turn his own light on when he goes back and just dims it right down which seems to soothe him. thanks as always for all your advice, you are all such valued support xx

[monica]

Fab news - there is hope for me!