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Post by Becka on Apr 23, 2011 1:47:50 GMT
I think my sister is suffering with PNI. She is a single mum of 23 with two children under 3 (dad has left and was a waste of space anyway tbh). She was doing not too bad but recently has been telling me she wants to give the children into care and that she feels no emotion when she imagines this situation. She says she thinks that they would be better without her. She also says she doesn't love them and that she is regularly abusive towards them when I'm not there (I don't believe this is true judging by the way they relate to her). I often speak to her on the phone when she is crying and I can hear the kids crying in the background. Our parents are not around and I live two hours away and work full time so can only go to visit and help once or twice every couple of weeks.
She has tried 3 different types of antidepressants but I don't think her GP is trying to get to the bottom of things. She refuses to try therapy. I don't know what to do. I feel completely out of my depth and i'm worried for the kids.
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Post by 0132sarah on Apr 23, 2011 15:52:34 GMT
Hi there, it sounds like your sister is really struggling. She does need help, but how to go about it is up to you. As your the one who knows her. If she says that she is abusive towards them when your not there, then believe her. it all may be getting on top, and her children are getting the brunt of it. Please try and get her back to her GP, perhaps her anit depressants could be upped or onto different ones. either way she needs to see her GP. how about suggesting a support worker? just having someone come round for support each week can make a difference. try and convince her to see a counsellor before she decides to give up her children. they may be able to get to the bottom of why shes feeling like this and get things better again. does anyone else help her? even just doing a bit of cleaning or cooking a meal can really help. take the children out to the park for a couple of hours. so she can have some time to herself, what she chooses to do is upto her. a bath, sleep, a walk, clean, massage to destress. please do something, if she is left to deal with this alone, it will only make it very hard for her to cope, and will get worse in her mind. her children will suffer. sounds to me like shes pretty exhausted and needs a family member to stay with her for a while. I was left to deal with PNI alone and it does take much longer to heal. and can make the depression much more severe. Sorry i cant be of more help. good luck. please dont give up on her. perhaps a different GP and go with her? xxxx
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Post by Weeble on Apr 23, 2011 21:05:41 GMT
Poor soul, my sister was 23 with a 3 and 2 year old and the man responsible for them had left. It's so terribly hard and lonely, I am not surprised she is struggling and feels so bad about herself. Pni is such a horrible illness, I agree with Sarah I would take her to see her gp or hv to talk about it with them.
Another idea is get in touch with homestart they provide volunteer support workers for a couple of hours a week so she can have a break and they organise playgroups and mothers groups.
Perhaps she could come on here and talk to us.
Kat
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Post by Becka on May 5, 2011 12:13:50 GMT
Thanks for your advice. I try to get there as often as possible - most weekends at the moment and when I'm there I take the kids out for as long as I can. My mum and I have suggested homestart but she refuses to have strangers in her home with the children (understandably). I have reduced my days from full time to 3 days per week now to try and help and have suggested we go to the doctor together to ask for more help but she refuses this too.
I have been away for a few days and during this time my mum has been down to stay with her but she is in a constant rage with me and my mum saying that we don't care and that we need to take the children off her and bring them up. She is almost psychotic all of the time, yesterday she was threatening to stab the children and cut her wrists. We are completely out of our depth but she refuses to allow any other professionals to be involved and says the only thing that will help is if we take the children permenantly. What should we do?
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Post by juppster on May 5, 2011 13:28:45 GMT
Hi there Becka Firstly I am so sorry you and your family are having to go through this..its is so so hard. As much as your sister doesn't want strangers in her house you really need to think about whats best for her kids...if you seriously think they are at risk you need to ring someone. Her gp or health visitor, or even social services. You sister clearly needs help and there is only so much both you and your mother can do and to be honest, it shouldn't be down to you. It sounds as though she needs some professional help and maybe you need to be the ones to get the ball rolling? Let us know how you get on x
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Post by BAM on May 5, 2011 13:43:18 GMT
I agree with Jupster you need to call someone and soon. She will thank you in the long run
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Post by Weeble on May 5, 2011 17:47:03 GMT
Yes I agree call for help now, she needs you too. I have been were your sister is and it's terribly scary and frightening but the mental health teams are very used to dealing with it and once she gets support it will be easier.
Don't feel bad about asking for help over her head people did for me and I am very grateful they did.
Kat
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Post by wanagetoverthis on May 5, 2011 19:01:56 GMT
Totally agree with the girls, get help in now.
She isn't thinking straight, you need to protect her from herself and sometimes we have to do horrible things to help the one's we love.
She won't thank you now but she will thank you in the long run, once she has help and can make sense of what is happening.
Her kids need you and they have to come first in all this. By putting them first and doing what needs to be done, you will ensure she can be the Mum to them she wants to be but can't feel right now.
You need to be brutally honest with the mental health team, tell them exactly what she has said... As Kat said, they see this all the time, they know the signs, they won't take the kids away or think she would actually do those things... ...They will help her but if you sugar coat it they will probably not do anything and will say she has to go to them. They really must know the severity of the situation in order to intervene.
Please please please don't delay getting help, we're all here for you.
Nat xxx
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Post by monica on May 5, 2011 20:47:14 GMT
Hello and welcome
Youru sister is so lucky to have someone like you and your family to care for her. I can only echo what the other girls have said. she desperately needs help adn now. Please approach the dr/mental health team straight away - if she's threatening toharm herself adn children - whether she would do it or not - it's a sign she is very very ill. With help things will get better.
How have things been?
Monica
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