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Post by Weeble on Oct 18, 2011 17:49:38 GMT
Hi mate, didn't take my drugs on thursday night too, won't be doing that again in the near future, I spent two days being a fat paranoid weeble hooked on anti psychotics too.
Take them tonight and tomorrow is a new day
Kat
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Post by juppster on Oct 19, 2011 8:08:34 GMT
Sorry to hear you're feeling crappy at the moment Jules, unfortunately we all get blips like this but as Kat says, today is a new day. Hoping taking your drugs has taken the edge off a little...remember it won't be forever xx
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Post by Weeble on Oct 19, 2011 20:33:03 GMT
How was today?
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Post by julesh38 on Oct 20, 2011 11:20:41 GMT
HI guys, yeah yesterday was a bit better. Had to go out with hubby to do some gardening - a little extra income. Really didn't want to do it but had no choice. Very moody all day and night. Doesn't help being stuck with the wee fella who can't shake off this cold. Feel trapped again today. Got so much houseowkr to do but really don't care about it, it can wait. I know it won't be forever on the tablets, but at the mo just going through a phase of not wanting to take them. Sounds crazy but feel like I just need a break from my life. Don't know what I would do.
Busy tomorrow morning as I have a little 3 hour a week job doing some cleaning which helps to distract me and believe it or not I actually quite enjoy doing it. If only I could put that much effort into my own housework!
Will carry on posting as it really does help to get it out of my system. Hubby hasn't really noticed that things are not good with me but in his defence he has been working a lot of hours. Close friend has noticed things are not right and has threatened to call docs, don't think she will and what can they do anyway?? I ain't taking no more tablets! Don't know if I have mentioned it before but trying to keep a journal of all my ups and downs and have called it "Pills for Breakfast". Story of my life at the mo, pills pills pills!
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Post by Weeble on Oct 21, 2011 20:08:44 GMT
Oh rather jealous I love the gardening. I know how you feel about the drugs but they do work and there is nothing shameful about needing them.
How has today been?
Kat
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Post by julesh38 on Dec 10, 2011 0:05:20 GMT
Hi all,
Done it again, haven't been on this site for a month or two.
Been quite busy at home which is good for me in one sense but not on the the other - always very tired.
Had to go back to docs about the disturbing dreams I have been having. A lot to do with protecting my family but I wake up in quite a panic. In fact just last week I punched my hubby during the night and gave him a very sore mouth. Dreamt that someone was trying to take my kids. Hubby was not to amused but then I wouldn't be if the shoe was on the other foot!.
Two weeks agao my GP upped my anti-psychotics thinking this will help alleviate my dreams/nightmares. Don't quite know how that is supposed to work but can honestly say at the moment that it is not making any difference. Problem is I really don't want to go back to the hospital. I want to be able to get off the meds and show people I can cope without them. I say that but I'm still very afraid of how I feel at times. I am quite paranoid about everyone and anything and I still thing I can hear my phone ringing but think this could be related to my paranoia.
It hasn't helped with the fact that I ended up in hospital last month with severe headaches and a tight chest. Had all tests done including a lumbar puncture but in the end they put it all down to a bad viral infection. It took me quite a few weeks to get back on my feet. I can remember feeling embarrassed when I told the doctors and nurses what meds I was on. I almost didn't tell them about the anti-psychotics which shows I still have real issues about taking them.
Really quite fed up with the whole thing now. My little fella was born back in 2006 and yet here I am still struggling to get off meds and back on my feet. Seriously thinking about starting to reduce meds in the start of the new year and see how it goes. Not going to tell anyone at home because I know what the reaction will be. What harm can it do to try???
Kat, I know you are on some of the same meds, how do you feel now? Do you think you will be on them for the rest of your life?? To me this is like a life sentence and one I'm not willing to take.
Sometimes I dread going to bed in fear of the dreams but going to hit the sack now.
Night all. x
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Post by Weeble on Dec 10, 2011 12:23:49 GMT
Hi Jules
Great to hear from you. I started with pni in 2006 too and am still battling it. Now I am the best I have been for at least two years ago. In fact two years Monday is the anniversary of the second time I tried to kill myself, shows how far I have come. This time last year I was pretty bad, I could hardly get out of the house. Somedays I couldn't come downstairs. I was afraid of things that were not there and so many other symptoms.
Now one and two and five years later from those times and having been on quertiapine for a year, I have a much better time, the quertiapine has been transformational but I am still all over the place and have been told I need more therapy. I am not worried about taking the drugs for ever, I would rather be like this than how I was. In fact I am scared they are going to take me off them.
If you are suffering nightmares they are your subconsious fears breaking through and are a sign of something deeper. Have you thought about talking about them to a counsellor who can help you understand them..
Let us know how you get on
Weeble.
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Post by julesh38 on Dec 12, 2011 12:13:57 GMT
Thanks Kat. Now I'm worrying even more> I do have issues from the past that has been dragged up by the PNI but I thought I had resolved them. Had a chat with bookwormprincess and she reckons I should go back to doc to get back to see consultant and get a proper diagnosis. I mean can this still just be PNI after all this time??? She did raise the issue of bi-polar, which I'm not sure about but it does seem any time I try to reduce meds I go off the rails. At the moment, apart from the nightmares and occassional, possible voice, I am also at the best I've been since 2006. Can't recall the last time I lay down in bed all morning, which is something I did every day as I couldn't face getting up and facing the world. Thinking that maybe after Christmas I will go back to docs and have a chat about everything and see where it leads me. The other thing that surprised bookwormprincess was that I wasn't still under the care of the MHT. Is this normal or are most people at this stage still under the care of MHT? Brain keeps going round in circles that somethimes I don't know where I'm at. In fact just remembered I think I took a double dose of my meds the other night! Really took me a long time to calm down, I was so hyped up and couldn't stay still. Was a bit scary so think I should try and take extra care with meds!!
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Post by juppster on Dec 12, 2011 19:16:17 GMT
Hey. I'm not sure if you should still be under the cmht, i guess it depends on whether your gp feels your meds can be managed at the surgery. I would definitely discuss it with him. I had my son in 2006 and do still suffer bouts of depression now...for me it started out as pni but in times of stress or illness it shows itself as depression or anxiety. Remember everyone is different. Are you having any type of therapy? I had to really push hard for some cbt and now, after 14 months of that i have been discharged from the cmht although can still go and see the consultant if needed. It gave me some really useful tools coupled with the correct medication. Definitely worth a chat with your gp if you really feel as though you are stuck and not moving forwards xx
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Post by Weeble on Dec 12, 2011 19:54:12 GMT
Hi Jules
Please don't worry, didn't mean to worry you about the therapy. My illness has been diagnosed as a complex depression, likely to be triggered by repeated trauma of which more than one episode of PTSD. Even though no one is really sure about my final diagnosis and the psychs and therapist all have different views. What I have learned is the medical diagnosis are really that an attempt by drs to sub classify the illness. I have found the psychological perspective of greater relevance to me.
Juppster is right about your cmht, I am still under there care because I am defined as risky lol but I was referred four times before I reached this point. I would say it's more normal to be managed by a gp than secondary services. I think going back and chatting to your gp seems a good idea
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Post by monica on Dec 22, 2011 16:16:54 GMT
Hi
How are you doing? Going back to the dr for a chat seems like a good idea to address any issues you have. From what you say, you are making progress and feeling better. I know that some people do struggle coming off meds especially if they have been on them a while. Are you considering this?
I'm afraid I don't know much about how long people are under the care of specific teams but again maybe that's something you could talk to dr about.
Monica
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Post by julesh38 on Dec 30, 2011 18:49:17 GMT
Hi all,
Would you believe it that since the last time I posted here things have been pretty good. Still getting the horrible dreams but otherwise feeling good. Feeling a little bit tired now but then who doesn't at this time of year!!!
Not going to go to the docs at the mo as I'm happy enough to keep on the meds just now. Thinking I'll give it to June and if all is still well the I'll think about starting to reduce my meds, slowly of course. Going to seriously start losing ther weight as I know that this will also have an impact on how I feel about myself.
Got a little part-time job, only 6 hours a week, but it suits me just fine as I also voluteer at the kids school.
Well, hope everyone is surviving the festive period and will be back to post in the n ew year. x
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Post by juppster on Dec 30, 2011 19:24:29 GMT
Lovely to hear from you Jules and happy for you that things have been more positive. Good luck with the part time job and the weight loss. You know we are here for you as and when you need us xx
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Post by Weeble on Dec 30, 2011 19:29:02 GMT
That's great Jules. Let us know how the weight loss goes I really need to shift my blimpiness. But somehow I have a vacuum cleaner for a mouth.
Kat
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Post by julesh38 on Mar 3, 2012 20:17:12 GMT
Been a good few days mainly because I've been busy with paperwork for the Home Start course and then I've been busy with a poorly wee fella. All this has kept be busy so less thinking. Definitely think this BLIP is passing. Starting to feel positive about things again.
Will still go and see my GP on Thursday and have a chat about it. I know this is mad but I want to also chat about the possibility of starting to reduce some of my meds - I take 225mg Venlafaxine and 150mg quetiapine, I think this is quite high doses and would like them reduced. Probably won't like what the GP will say but I've got to try.
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