steph
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Post by steph on Jun 25, 2013 21:34:35 GMT
Thanks ladies Counselling really helped tonight and helped me gain a little perspective, feeling really positive and ready to climb a few steps higher on the ladder again!
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steph
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Post by steph on Jun 27, 2013 18:09:18 GMT
Had my interview which went really well I thought. Just have to wait and see what happens now, fingers crossed. Was really worried as my LO was up in the night last night being sick so didn't get much sleep. Luckily hubby was home to help. Suffering a bit now, felt very anxious since I've been home from work with the kids, feel like I can't sit and be with them like normal mums do, have to keep busy to keep anxiety away. I am hoping that it is the lack of sleep, stress of interview today and emotions connected to PMT that is making me feel very teary and sorry for myself. Think all of that and this darn PNI has made me feel a bit defeated this afternoon. I feel awfull when Im with the children and feel like this, they are so, so very precious to me yet I dread time with them due to this poxy PNI! Counsellor said I should try and put thoughts in a box and leave them with her untill next time, but I think its the anxiety that's the problem - the constant fear.
Tomorrow will be a good day!
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Post by monica on Jul 1, 2013 20:16:16 GMT
You've had a tough old day and it's bound to flare up anxieties.. Sure it will pass.all the best re job- hope interview boosted ur confidence. When exactly do u find out?
Monica
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Post by juppster on Jul 6, 2013 7:20:31 GMT
Hi Stephanie, just wondering how the past few days have been for you x hoping the anxiety has settled down a little x
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steph
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Post by steph on Jul 8, 2013 13:43:51 GMT
Hi all It's been over a week or so since my last post. I am pleased to write that I have been having some really good days since my last few posts and seem to be coping a little better than I was which is great I think a combination of the counselling, meds and support from family and friends has really started to help. I went to see Robbie Williams last week which really helped lift my mood, had such a great time and was just what I needed and I welcomed the break, really helped me to feel like me again!! Been home alone with children last two days and although anxiety is still there at times I am learning to try and not let silly thoughts get the better of me! If I feel particularly edgy I try to tell myself to remember who I am underneath the anxiety and that it is the fact that I am thinking about my children in an unsettling way that causes me to feel this way. If I wanted to act on these thoughts I would not be feeling anxious. Once I have accepted them as just thoughts, they seem to pass more quickly so I am going to persevere and hope they continue to reduce in time just like last time. Had some great news on job front last week too, I have managed to secure another part time job at my current company!! Huge relief, that the interview prep payed off in the end. At least that's another thing to tick off of the stress list for now at least! I hope anyone reading this who is suffering right now takes comfort that things will start to improve soon for you too. I am not recovered yet but know I am getting there and this website is a big big support in my recovery, just knowing it is there should I need it and to know you are not alone!
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Post by jessibella on Jul 9, 2013 18:44:27 GMT
Great news Steph xx
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steph
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Post by steph on Jul 11, 2013 18:50:18 GMT
Hi all Strangely after my last post I've had a few quite anxious mornings while I have been with children getting them ready for school etc and having the norm irrational thoughts etc. Hubby has been leaving for work early so been on my own majority of the time. Today started well and managed to keep positive this morning not letting anxiety take over as much. Had a good productive day at work. Since coming home though I've been overwhelmed with anxiety which is so frustrating as the day started so well I think it is because my hubby is on a night shift tonight so I knew I would be alone from 6pm. I don't understand why I am so worried about being alone as I'm still the same person alone or not, I guess its because I know I'll be more anxious which therefore brings on irrational thinking and worry! Such a vicious circle. Feeling a little better now kids are tucked up but hate feeling anxious around them, makes me feel like a terrible mum for wanting to get them to bed so I don't feel like that instead of just letting it go and enjoying every moment. Still stand by my last post and am confident I will get better and will get there, just a bit deflating when you've been doing well for a little while and then the anxiety levels increase again clouding your judgement. We have our first sports day tomorrow! Have been looking forward to it. A little anxious that it may bring on irrational thoughts as there will be so many children around but I am determined to enjoy watching my little monkey taking part. I've been pre-warned about the mums race, wish me luck!!
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Post by juppster on Jul 12, 2013 20:34:29 GMT
Hey, how did the sports day go? X
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steph
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Post by steph on Jul 13, 2013 19:58:07 GMT
Sports Day went well although we were a little dissapointed that the school didn't opt for the more traditional races. Instead the little ones had to join in with the juniors for rounders and bench ball etc, but was nice to be out in the sunshine with our little monkey Was a little wobbly while we were there but all in all coped well, find being around children quite tough at mo as I worry that a horrible thought will pop in. Had a great BBQ afterwards with friends and their kids though and that went really well and we all had a great time. Had another day out today with hubby and kids to a local country park (very hot)! Again anxiety up and down but ploughing though. Just wish I could believe in myself a little more instead of over analysing my behaviour and thoughts all the time! Want to screw my anxiety up into a little ball and throw it in the bin!! Ha, will have to try that one!
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steph
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Post by steph on Jul 17, 2013 18:47:22 GMT
Coping as best as I can at the moment while hubby is on night's! Have been trying to focus on the fact that I have an illness and that these silly thoughts are no representation of the real me. Was doing really well today/this evening untill about 10 mins ago when a stupid irrational thought popped into my head while I was looking at my beautifull little girl and got my anxiety racing! Put her to bed, had a little cry and am now talking to you guys. Feeling more relaxed already just getting it out of my system. Just so upsetting!! Just get so angry with myself for not believing in myself and letting these thoughts go and dismissing them. I am due on at the moment so guessing that isn't helping my emotions either! I guess the meds must be doing something to help me but I am left wondering if they are working sometimes! I've been on 30mg of Citolapram for over a month now. They definately helped last time and stayed on them for 3 years.
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Post by monica on Jul 19, 2013 8:13:19 GMT
Hi
You are really doing brilliantly! Meds unfortunately are not a cure all. I still had blips, irrational thoughts, down periods, but overall they can give u that much needed lift. It's a bit of a waiting game but in time you will be able to bat the irrational thoughts without it lingering on your mind. Pmt can definately bring on those thoughts and make them harder to manage. Grrr....
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steph
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Posts: 87
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Post by steph on Jul 22, 2013 9:10:03 GMT
Finding things hard to cope with today, have been really low and teary these past few days. You may have seen from my other posts that I had a few nights out which have been great but this illness has been at the forefront! Still waiting for my period which I am guessing is why I am so emotional, just have to look at my babies and want to cry! Thoughts really distressing as per usual! Would normally have CBT tonight but counsellor on leave so have to wait another week. Sorry for such a negative post but I am just so tired and drained from all of this now, feel like there is no way out and that I am not capable of getting better this time. I feel like such a failure to my family and my children deserve a mum who can enjoy every moment with them. I love them so very very very much but can't bear the thought of the illness going on any longer! I just need a switch to turn it all off. I think my husband has had enough and I'm sure all of you are sick of all my posts now, just so badly want to feel better
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Post by juppster on Jul 22, 2013 20:23:00 GMT
One, you are not a failure, you are unwell. Two, never apologise for a negative post, that is what this forum is for. Hormones can play a huge part in this illness. Can you do something for yourself? Get some time just for you or get together with a friend for some girly time? You will get better again, you've done it before, you can do it again x
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steph
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Posts: 87
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Post by steph on Jul 23, 2013 15:08:04 GMT
Hi Juppster
Thank you for your post, I know and recognise how irrational I am being recently but when you have these thoughts they feel so terrifying in that moment. It's not untill afterwards one the anxiety subsides you realise a little how silly they really are.
Have tried to get a phone call with a doc this afternoon as couldn't get an actual appointment at all for this week. Wondering whether going on pill or getting some sort of hormone balancing drug may help during my PMS at the moment as just feel so emotional and crying every day at the moment. Shouldn't I be feeling a little better by now? Just got home with children so am going to try and relax a little untill doctor calls. Off now for rest of week now holidays have started so trying to think of things to do with my babies to keep my mind occupied.
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steph
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Post by steph on Jul 26, 2013 20:19:04 GMT
It's my 30th birthday today! Decided to take hubby and kids to Mudeford for the day which was nice. So lovely to see kids enjoying themselves, they melt my heart. Mixed emotions today really, happiness at being blessed with such a beautifull family and being able to share this milestone with them but also frustration and got a little teary when we got home that this illness was clouding over my day. Anxiety is still the culprit at the moment, which then brings on the doubt and irrational thinking. Need a switch to turn it off. Wondering whether to think about upping my dose as been on 30mg for 6 weeks now and not feeling much difference yet really. Stuck to 30mg last time I had PNI and revovered but could it be different this time? Have a docs app on Monday so we see what she thinks.
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