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Post by jessibella on Oct 14, 2013 23:32:32 GMT
Xx
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steph
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Posts: 87
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Post by steph on Oct 22, 2013 19:24:40 GMT
Hi all, still battling through. Been feeling a little more anxious and emotional these past few days or so which is strange but have also been feeling very tired too so that probably hasnt helped. Feel like I'm going round in circles a bit, feeling good for a few weeks and then back a few steps again and letting thoughts take hold of me a bit too much which can be exhausting. Feeling very drained from it all and really just want to be recovered now. I guess it all just takes time and it has been harder this time round. Just worry sometimes that I will never get over it and will just have to live with it forever. On the plus side I have a spa day planned tomorrow with a friend so that will be lovely, just what I need I think Hoping to head over to the Isle of Wight at the weekend too to see a good friend with the children so that will be really nice. Also finding it amazing how I can feel my complete normal self when I'm at work and feel at my most confident. I almost laugh at this silly illness but as soon as I walk out of those doors I'm back in that bubble of fear again. I'm sure I'll feel a lot more myself once hubby has finished this spout of night shifts and had some time with friends. It's all a journey and there will be a happy ending!!
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Post by monica on Oct 23, 2013 9:50:25 GMT
Enjoy ur spa day! Wow how relaxing!
Ups and downs are very common even in te recovery period. They are horrid but they will lessen in time, as will ur feelings as soon as you walk out of work. The fear etc.
Hugsx
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steph
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Post by steph on Nov 4, 2013 7:20:54 GMT
Morning all Feeling ok, still doing my best to combat this illness. Feeling a little deflated that it is still lurking around and part of my life, its been with me again for around 6 months now. I know you can't put a time limit on recovery but it does make me feel like a bit of a failure! On a positive note I feel like I cope well with battling with the illness and being a mum and working etc and definitely not giving up. Try to focus on the things that make me feel happy and normal. Just find the irrational thoughts a struggle constantly questioning and doubting myself when I just want to believe in myself. Sometimes think that this is just how it is now and I'll never be free. Have a cold and my period at the moment so not helping with my mood I guess and have counselling tonight so that will help me get a few things off my chest. Feel like I should have confided in hubby a little more these past few weeks but trying not to dwel on things. Do find it really comforting talking to him about it all though as he helps me feel normal and that I am doing nothing wrong, he doesn't judge me. I'm very lucky. I guess I just don't like him to think I'm still struggling sometimes as I don't want him to give up on me. Our sex life has been non-existent since this all started again and I don't want him to think things won't get better. We have a date night planned at the weekend so will be nice to have some quality time
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Post by monica on Nov 4, 2013 9:48:10 GMT
Hi
Very frustrating but it does take time to fully recover and 6 months isn't long although I do understand that it feels like forever. You are not a failure in anyway. This is a horrible and debilitating illness and you should be so proud of your effort and progress.
Enjoy your date night with hubby. It's easy to forget your relationship amongst all the nasty symptoms of pni . It's very very common for sex to take the back burner. How can u want it when u feel so rotten. Also hormones, having baby and medication can make the libido plummet. Don't put pressure on yourself. Take things slow and things like massage can be really nice for both of youx
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Post by jessibella on Nov 4, 2013 10:59:17 GMT
Steph your just like me at work! I feel like my old self and really confident. I guess being a mum is just very anxiety provoking even for people without pni. X
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steph
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Post by steph on Nov 4, 2013 21:18:05 GMT
Thanks for your replies ladies, so helpfull and comforting as always Had a little cry with OH earlier to get things off my chest a little which always helps, bless him, he was so good and understanding. Amazing how talking it out can help so much. Had counselling as well this evening which helped put more perspective on everything a little. Hoping to try a little yoga this week
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Post by Weeble on Nov 4, 2013 22:14:09 GMT
it is so shit it takes so long to get better. I am in my fourth year now but I think I am nearly there! !!!
big hugs
kat
Sent from my GT-I9300 using proboards
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steph
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Post by steph on Nov 14, 2013 22:41:42 GMT
Having a much better week this week Feeling more like a mummy and less like a mad women which makes a nice change.
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Post by monica on Nov 15, 2013 18:47:58 GMT
Hooray!x
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Post by juppster on Nov 18, 2013 8:07:09 GMT
Great to hear, how was your weekend? X
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steph
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Posts: 87
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Post by steph on Nov 24, 2013 23:31:59 GMT
Things are still going well which is good news. Not out the woods yet but think I'm slowly starting to find my way through the trees. Just finding other ways to keep my mind occupied I guess. Enjoying my time with children much more than I was with less anxiety for a change. It probably helps with run up to Christmas as I do love this time of year and the big build up so lots to look forward to and lots of things to keep me busy Took my oldest swimming on my own today which I was feeling a little anxious about but was determined to enjoy it with her a really did, It was lovely. Have decided to maybe call it a day with my counselling at my next session as I feel I have got as much as I can out of it right now and have learnt ways to cope. Can't believe I've been going for 6 months now! I can always go back if I need to but feel I need to move forward now.
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Post by monica on Nov 28, 2013 16:20:47 GMT
All really positive news . You are doing brilliantly. It's alwayss scary dropping counselling but clearly you are readyx
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steph
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Posts: 87
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Post by steph on Dec 23, 2013 21:02:57 GMT
Hi all, It's been a while but thought I should check in with you all. I've been having some good weeks which is great. Finished counselling as I said before and so far have been OK. I think the fact that it is Christmas time has helped as it gives me something to feel positive about and certainly (as I'm sure it does with all you other mums) keeps me very busy I really do love Christmas as it is a very special time when we get to spend quality time with our loved ones. I have noticed I have been reflecting a little the last few days on the year I have had and what a bumpy road it has been going from despair to hope etc which gets me a little anxious what n I think back but I think that's only normal. Overall though I am looking to the future although I still have my little daily wobbles I am working through them. Try not to let them get the better of me. In a way I think I have accepted that this illness will always be a part of my life in some ways as I am such an anxious person and worrier but I am hopeful that it will eventually blend in more to the background as I continue to become confident that I am a great mum and not this person my brain sometimes tries to bluff me into thinking I am! On another positive note I had been worrying quite a lot the past few months about mine and my other halfs sex life as it has been non exisitant since this all started again but I must be getting more back to me again as we re - ignited the spark (so to speak) which is great. Going to take things slowly but so pleased to be getting back on track - thought it would never happen again a few months back!! Anyway, hang on in there to those lovely mummies out there who are struggling at the moment, you will get back to you one step at a time. Have faith and you'll be surprised at how much strength you are capable of! Merry Christmas everyone xxx
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Post by monica on Dec 25, 2013 14:20:35 GMT
Merry Christmas to you and yurs Steph!
It's wonderful to hear your positive post and it really gives hope to others who are struggling. You have come so far.
Take care
Monica
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