Post by cellardoor1 on Sept 30, 2013 12:13:49 GMT
Hello
I'm a mum of one 8 year old girl and I had quite severe post-natal depression and mild.moderate ante natal depression unfortunately. It was a complicated time and I am still to this day unsure of what caused it.
After finding out I was pregnant I stopped taking the Seroxat 30mg I was taking daily on the doctor's advice & felt fine until about month 5-6 of the pregnancy. Then I began to spiral downwards. Weeping, being 'irrational', having strange thoughts, panic attacks, isolating myself and developing an obsession that I was going to die during labour. I felt quite detached during the pregnancy from what was going on, although I knew I loved and wanted my daughter very much I now know that, having experienced the rush of love and emotion towards my daughter at a later date, that this is what I should have been feeling then. I've always wondered if I had come off the tablets too quickly and thus spiralled into a depression. I guess I'll never know.
I had been 'flagged up' by my midwife as needing to be referred to the specialist doctor at the antenatal unit who specialised in depression in pregnancy but I never got to see him. I visited my doctor a few times because of my unbearable anxiety but was told to try 'swimming'. and it was just my 'hormones'. I began counting down the days to the birth, marking them off on my calendar as I had convinced myself that after the birth I would be fine, it was just being pregnant that was making me feel this way. How wrong was I?
Unfortunately after a precipitous birth (lasted 30 mins) I went into a kind of shock. I was exhausted but as soon as the birth was over I was alert and couldn't sleep at all and after being sent home began to have horrible thoughts about my daughter that sent me into a panic. I loved her so much right away so I couldn't understand why I was having such thoughts. They drove me mad. The more I stopped trying to think about it the worse they became. I slept on and off but not properly, lost lots of weight and couldn't eat at all. I decided to clean the house from top to bottom on day 5 after the birth and had a huge panic attack. Sweating, feeling surreal and weird, like nothing was real. I didn't answer the phone or let anyone into the house as I was afraid to go outside. I went to the doctor after a week and she put me back on to Seroxat. To be honest, with the benefit of hindsight, these made me worse! My anxiety became excruciating for a few weeks but then calmed down. The thoughts went away & I slowly began to regain my mental health. I was referred to my local mental health team & began receiving treatment with them along with having a CPN for support & finally having access to a PND specialist nurse.
I stayed on the Seroxat for 3 years before attempting to wean myself off them. I got down to 8mg in 2010 after following the Seroxat users' tapering guide but unfortunately a series of unfortunate events seemed to trigger my depression again & in early 2011 I had a breakdown. I was referred to my psychiatrist who helped me transfer onto a different drug which I am now still taking - venlafaxine 225mg.
Fast forward to now & I am desperately wanting another baby but I'm absolutely petrified of what might happen. I am happy and stable and have a great relationship with my husband who I adore. I absolutely love being a mum and have brought up a very bright, well-balanced young girl who is my world and I wonder if I am crazy to even consider having another baby & risking my daughter seeing me at my worst.
I've been to see my GP who has referred my back to my psychiatrist who will advise me on the next step. The first step is to wean me off my venlafaxine and on to something safer to use in pregnancy should I wish to continue with drug treatment, and I have an appointment with the psch in a couple of months.
I desperately need some advice/ support. Should I feel grateful for what I already have and not rock the boat or should I take a chance?
Sorry it is so long-winded
G x
I'm a mum of one 8 year old girl and I had quite severe post-natal depression and mild.moderate ante natal depression unfortunately. It was a complicated time and I am still to this day unsure of what caused it.
After finding out I was pregnant I stopped taking the Seroxat 30mg I was taking daily on the doctor's advice & felt fine until about month 5-6 of the pregnancy. Then I began to spiral downwards. Weeping, being 'irrational', having strange thoughts, panic attacks, isolating myself and developing an obsession that I was going to die during labour. I felt quite detached during the pregnancy from what was going on, although I knew I loved and wanted my daughter very much I now know that, having experienced the rush of love and emotion towards my daughter at a later date, that this is what I should have been feeling then. I've always wondered if I had come off the tablets too quickly and thus spiralled into a depression. I guess I'll never know.
I had been 'flagged up' by my midwife as needing to be referred to the specialist doctor at the antenatal unit who specialised in depression in pregnancy but I never got to see him. I visited my doctor a few times because of my unbearable anxiety but was told to try 'swimming'. and it was just my 'hormones'. I began counting down the days to the birth, marking them off on my calendar as I had convinced myself that after the birth I would be fine, it was just being pregnant that was making me feel this way. How wrong was I?
Unfortunately after a precipitous birth (lasted 30 mins) I went into a kind of shock. I was exhausted but as soon as the birth was over I was alert and couldn't sleep at all and after being sent home began to have horrible thoughts about my daughter that sent me into a panic. I loved her so much right away so I couldn't understand why I was having such thoughts. They drove me mad. The more I stopped trying to think about it the worse they became. I slept on and off but not properly, lost lots of weight and couldn't eat at all. I decided to clean the house from top to bottom on day 5 after the birth and had a huge panic attack. Sweating, feeling surreal and weird, like nothing was real. I didn't answer the phone or let anyone into the house as I was afraid to go outside. I went to the doctor after a week and she put me back on to Seroxat. To be honest, with the benefit of hindsight, these made me worse! My anxiety became excruciating for a few weeks but then calmed down. The thoughts went away & I slowly began to regain my mental health. I was referred to my local mental health team & began receiving treatment with them along with having a CPN for support & finally having access to a PND specialist nurse.
I stayed on the Seroxat for 3 years before attempting to wean myself off them. I got down to 8mg in 2010 after following the Seroxat users' tapering guide but unfortunately a series of unfortunate events seemed to trigger my depression again & in early 2011 I had a breakdown. I was referred to my psychiatrist who helped me transfer onto a different drug which I am now still taking - venlafaxine 225mg.
Fast forward to now & I am desperately wanting another baby but I'm absolutely petrified of what might happen. I am happy and stable and have a great relationship with my husband who I adore. I absolutely love being a mum and have brought up a very bright, well-balanced young girl who is my world and I wonder if I am crazy to even consider having another baby & risking my daughter seeing me at my worst.
I've been to see my GP who has referred my back to my psychiatrist who will advise me on the next step. The first step is to wean me off my venlafaxine and on to something safer to use in pregnancy should I wish to continue with drug treatment, and I have an appointment with the psch in a couple of months.
I desperately need some advice/ support. Should I feel grateful for what I already have and not rock the boat or should I take a chance?
Sorry it is so long-winded
G x
