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Post by quantumrose on Jan 31, 2014 9:35:57 GMT
Hi everyone, today is a difficult day. I don't call them bad days anymore because sometimes the anxiety and darkness can lift and the day ends with me feeling good! So difficult day it is. I spoke to my health visitor yesterday, about how Ive been feeling. She was lovely and reassuring. But the PNI group I could attend doesnt start again till easter because its organised in terms. So I feel a little cut loose again, after the initial high of making that giant leap. I've been building the courage to tell her for months! It makes me cross that it depends where we live as to how much help is available to us. Thank goodness for this forum! Here we go. Im going to be honest about how I feel sometimes. It starts with a thought. A little niggle, maybe a pain in my side, a funny freckle, a red mark on my partner's leg (as I found this morning). It might be just a general worry of not being able to look after the little ones. I fight the feelings of anxiety, the heavy feeling in my tummy and the buzzing in my head but they usually win by this point. I then carry on the day as normal, on the outside, play with the kids, make breakfast etc. But inside Im a mess. I want to cry and laugh it all off all at once. I dont want this for me or my family. It's hard on them I know. I have little things that help now, not getting too hungry, not forgetting to drink water, avoiding too much stress....Trying to get more sleep! It scares me to admit all this but I realise the coping strategies are mounting and at some point I NEED things to get better. I will get better xx
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Post by juppster on Jan 31, 2014 17:59:28 GMT
Yes, you WILL get better. Keep talking and off loading here. Have you had any form of counselling or CBT to help with your thoughts? Xx
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Post by quantumrose on Feb 3, 2014 17:34:29 GMT
Im so angry with myself. Ive had lovely day with my littlest and now im sitting here trying to avoid having a panic attack. I have had pain in my tummy for 4 years on and off and the doc has done all the tests under the sun but found nothing. Which is good. But it means that when I'm in pain my mind wanders to all the worst things it could be. I can't remember what came first today, the pain, the anxiety or the anxiety about the pain. I am beside myself with anxiety but Ive got to keep it together. Just want to curl up and have a really good cry. Maybe later I will.
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Post by quantumrose on Feb 3, 2014 17:35:31 GMT
It really scares me how quickly a thought can enter my mind and change how I feel for the worse.
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Post by juppster on Feb 3, 2014 19:00:56 GMT
Sorry you're feeling this way right now...have you considered cbt? This really helped with my Anxiety...it's a really good way of changing how you think about things and how to nip those thoughts in the bud almost before they even start. Sending you hugs, remember, it's just a thought, it cannot harm you xx
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Post by monica on Feb 6, 2014 12:02:28 GMT
Hugs. The thoughts are horrible. Try to rationalize if you can. You've had all the tests and nothings been found so changes are it is anxiety related. But I do understand how quickly the negative mood can start. Remember today is a new day. I hope ur feeling brighterx
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Post by Weeble on Feb 12, 2014 2:58:39 GMT
What u said holds such resonance it doesn't scare me anymore but it does puss me off.
How are things?
Sent from my GT-I9300 using proboards
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Post by quantumrose on Feb 19, 2014 16:20:12 GMT
Well, its been a good few weeks. Ive contacted my health visitor again who was really helpful and supportive. But today I feel like a panic attack is bubbling under the surface and at the same time feel low and a bit depressed. A very weird and confused state of mind to be in. Went for a stomp this morning with the littlies, got muddy and had fun. But back home and I'm feeling anxious and crappy. This is no way to be! I dont want to feel like this!
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Post by juppster on Feb 19, 2014 20:03:29 GMT
Hi, good to hear from you. It's great to hear you've had a few good weeks....it sounds like today is a bit of a blip day...try to write it off and start again tomorrow. What sort of help and support are you getting from your health visitor? x
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Post by monica on Feb 20, 2014 10:50:51 GMT
Hi
I agree with Jo is sounds as if you're having a blip which after a good spell can feel doubly difficult. However, blips are quite normal in the recovery process. the ups ad downs of this illness are very draining.
maybe try some breathing exercises - exercise in itself can be good way of boosting endorphins.
Monica
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Post by quantumrose on Feb 23, 2014 16:23:30 GMT
Had a really difficult few days. Feeling 'weird' and health anxiety is at full volume. Feel like reality is a bit wonky. Functioning ok but really tired too. I kind of feel like things that I previously did and thought about freely and easily, feel difficult and require extra energy. Its horrible. Feeling low and depressed. This is hard, after feeling so well for a while. I wish I always had the confidence that this is a blip because when I feel like this it's like I might never get better. Thanks for your kind replies before, it all helps xx
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Post by quantumrose on Feb 23, 2014 16:43:18 GMT
P.s in amongst this wobbly week I have been out with the sproggs everyday, run a craft day for 7 children (awesome!), supported my friend whose husband left her, had friends visiting for 3 days, dug the allotment over and looked after my two under 5's as usual (one of them is breastfeeding ALOT!), while doing house stuff etc. I feel compelled to remind myself of this. I listened to a radio interview on anxiety a week or so ago and they said it was that it was a shame people with anxiety didnt fulfill their true potential. I was so angry at this because its so simplistic and just not true! Although, I really need to chill...
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Post by monica on Feb 23, 2014 18:56:17 GMT
My goodness superwoman! I couldn't do all that when firing in all cylinders!
Sorry you're in the midst of a blip ( I'm sure that's what it is). I do understand ur fears that you are falling ill again as this is exactly how I used to feel but u will pick up. Any idea what's triggered this? Pmt is a usual culprit....
Blips are horrible and can feel doubly difficult after an extended good spell . Do try and take it easy if u can as blips can drain u.
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Post by quantumrose on Feb 24, 2014 8:28:52 GMT
Monica, I think you're right PMT might be behind this blip. Woke up feeling better (despite youngest having tummy bug and being up in the night, poor bubba). But its only 8.30am and already im suppressing anxiety and trying to avoid panic attacks. This is hard. How am I going to manage today?
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Post by quantumrose on Feb 24, 2014 8:31:16 GMT
Monica, I think you're right PMT might be behind this blip. Woke up feeling better (despite youngest having tummy bug and being up in the night, poor bubba). But its only 8.30am and already im suppressing anxiety and trying to avoid panic attacks. This is hard. How am I going to manage today? Has anyone suffered from feeling 'other worldly'? How long can it last, its been almost a week....feel like I've forgotten how to look at the world.
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