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Post by mirror27 on Feb 26, 2014 14:11:36 GMT
Hello everyone.I don't really know what to write, I'm new and have finally admitted to myself and my partner that I have a problem I need help with. I have an 11 month old gorgeous son who I adore but I haven't been myself ever since his birth. I started feeling physically unwell and was diagnosed with postpartum thyroid disease when my son was 3 months. It was overactive then under active and the last test results were normal but I don't feel any different. When I saw the endocrinologist at hospital I asked how this would affect my moods and she couldn't really tell me much so I still don't know if this is the root cause of my problems or not.
I have been increasingly more struggling with everyday tasks,sometimes even thinking about the mess and cleaning and cooking scares me and makes me exhausted. my partner works full time demanding job and he's the only breadwinner so he can't slow down and help me more and I don't expect him to. I don't have any harmful thoughts towards my son but I do regarding myself. I will never act on them because my son depends on me and I couldn't do it. Sometimes I just cry in bed at night. I also snap at my son and raise my voice occasionally as he is in a difficult age now, not walking yet but doing everything he is not supposed to. I have no family close by and noone to help, friends have their own lives and children to look after. I also am completely indifferent to my partner, sometimes I even feel like I hate him. Deep down i love him but he irritates me just by being here, although he is trying to help as much as he can.
I've been feeling like this for months and months but after I broke my arm last week (fell over on my son's playmat) I just can't cope anymore. I could just sit and stare at the wall all day. I can't of course but I could. I still have to change his nappies,dress him and I have to use my arm that's in cast even though I'm not supposed to.And it hurts. I'm also studying for a degree in Uni and have exams in 2 months and it all terrifies me. I was a first class student before but I can't even pull myself together to study.
If anyone has any words of wisdom,I would appreciate it. I am planning to go to see my GP tomorrow but I don't want antidepressants.
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Post by juppster on Feb 26, 2014 16:56:15 GMT
Hi there and welcome
It certainly sounds as though you've got a lot going on, and with a broken arm on top of that, it really is no surprise you are feeling the way you do.
It's good that you've made an appointment to see your gp..can I ask what makes you so against anti depressants? It may also be worth enquiring about some form of counselling or cbt? This can be really useful too. Please do let us know how you get on and please feel free to keep talking here x
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Post by monica on Feb 26, 2014 21:01:04 GMT
Hello and welcome
I'm so pleased you've found us. Your symptoms certainly sound like pni and its very common to suffer in silence for a while.
Please consider visiting your gp. The support you can get cam include counselling and / or meds. However someone will be there to keep an eye on you and offer support .
Having a baby can be a very difficult time full of life changes. Many women struggle with the loss of their independence . Caring for a baby 24/7 is hard work and as much as you love them it can be draining and monotonous .
Do u get any time to urself? Maybe try and get s but of 'me' time in even if its only a couple of hrs s week just to recharge your batteriesx
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Post by kmum on Mar 28, 2014 0:12:49 GMT
Hi
Iv just been diagnosed with postnatal depression and found this forum and your post. I didn't intend in writing anything until I saw what you said about thyroid! I was diagnosed 5 years ago with an over active thyroid. As the thyroid is responsible for so many of your bodies functions it sent me haywire! I lost concentration, was hyper, jittery, palpitations, sweaty, lost weight, was exhausted all the time. A lot of other symptoms such as muscle cramps and couldn't sleep! Terrible times for me!!! Long story short...because I had bad reaction to medication used for over active thyroid, I had the radioactive iodine therapy within a fortnight of being diagnosed! Six months later it had stabilised and gone under active to which now I take thyroxine. Under active thyroid is much easier to control. With regards to under active, symptoms are low mood and feeling exhausted. Feeling cold and possibly putting on weight. I can promise you that if your thyroid is fluctuating you need to insist GP refer you!!! My GP does nothing for me! The only reason I had such fast treatment was because I phoned the consultant directly!!! Which now I know us not the done thing!!! But I'm glad I did!! My thyroid now fluctuates but I know the symptoms do well I up and lower my thyroxine dose myself. My consultant and GP agree with this.
Now as I have discovered post natal depression is a whole mother ball game!! But I am seeing GP tomorrow and will insist on further referral regards my thyroid as since I had my baby boy 9 months ago my thyroid has been up and down and it affects your immune system so iv had dozens of minor illnesses on top of having difficulty looking after baby and working!!! 4 weeks ago I can only describe what was like a break down! Doc put me on anti depressants which was last thing I wanted but given that I had full meltdown, it was right thing to do! To lift my mood enough to feel better to cope with daily life for a while so can sort the rest out!!!
Like you I have resented my hubby!!! He's been amazing since my meltdown as he saw how serious suddenly it had all got! Up until then, he truly did not understand!!! I also go to CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) in which they teach you how to cope differently and allow you to talk it out!!! It's helped immensely as I know the therapist is a pro, heard it all before and can support me in telling me what I am going through is normal.
I can promise you that things can get better....but you need to give in and ask for help!!!! Draw a line and do it. I promise.....it really does get easier. I had read this line so many times but am finally starting to appreciate my son. And husband :-)
Keep in touch
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Post by kmum on Mar 28, 2014 0:21:01 GMT
What I was trying to say was simply YES, it is no wonder you have felt so bad for so long. Don't underestimate how bad an under or particularly over active thyroid can make you feel. I can't tell you how hard it was fr me to ask for help for the pnd! The burden i would feel to friends and family!!! It's all part of the illness though!!! But I did ask for help and suddenly my world is starting to change. You need to do the same :-)
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Post by monica on Mar 30, 2014 9:06:16 GMT
Hello kmum and welcome
Pni is such a difficult illness and often its hard to reconcile how life can be so difficult with symptoms you can't see or measure with a blood test.
I'm so pleased you are getting help and support and although recovery can be slow and frustrating you will get there. Really interested to hear how you're finding cbt. Did u get it on nhs? I attended a pnd group run by a cpn and she coveted a few cbt techniques which I found invaluablex
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Post by kmum on Mar 30, 2014 23:10:22 GMT
Hi
No I'm paying cBT myself and claiming back through parents healthcare policy that strangely they still had me included in (I'm 36!!!). They cover up to £30 worth so 6 sessions. Iv had 4 already and they are great. Give me confidence and direction which is what I am in most need of just at this time.
My doc will refer me to CBT within our surgery which takes 6 weeks. Which not only is too far away, but because I'm now on antidepressants they say the NHS won't fund!!! So they have taken me back off list! Insane eh!!!
My own private CBT guy says its crazy. He's a psychotherapy lecturer at one of best universities in country and always recommends that CBT coincide with medication in cases like mine!
My doc has just referred me to hospital to have a 'debriefing! Session to discuss what happened during the birth. They think this will help me recover. So il put CBT on hold after this week until I see them. As he can help me once I go through this stage of recovery.
Anyway, I shall let u know how it goes.
K
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Post by monica on Apr 1, 2014 19:27:48 GMT
Kmum
That's nuts! You don't qualify for cbt cos ur on meds! So pleased cbt is having such positive results for you.
How's life otherwise? Have u spoken to ur business partner about your worries? Maybe getting it out in the open will help settle ur mind. What do u do if dont mind me asking (no pressure to reply)x
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Post by kmum on Apr 1, 2014 21:15:54 GMT
Hi Monica
I'm in property! I find it frustrating and scary that iv lost the ability to be the confident business woman I once was! My biz partner has been great but it puts pressure on not knly our growing business but her and her own family which makes me feel worse!!!!!
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Post by Victoria on Jul 13, 2015 9:26:17 GMT
Glad to hear you are getting help. This illness is torture in the way it affects normal life. You sound like you are making positive steps in helping your own recovery. The CBT thing is crazy. The waiting list here is months long. I got referred again 6 months ago!!! Not heard anything since. You need it when you go to the doctors for help. You cant plan in advance to be ill and need the help. Brilliant that you can do it privately as I have heard such positive things about it for some ppl. xx
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Post by Smeemee on May 19, 2016 13:23:12 GMT
Hi, I've only just found this forum. Yours is the first post that I've read and I may as well be reading my own thoughts. I have a daughter who is 3 and a 13 month old son. Both very trying ages and my husband works extended hours and is the only breadwinner too. It makes me feel a little better sometimes for me to know that I'm not a freak of nature and that this is happening to me not because of me and more importantly to other people too. So thought I would reach out during my utterly crap, lonely, exhausting, tear filled day and say hi and let you know you're not alone. xxx
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Post by Kimster on May 20, 2016 7:57:38 GMT
Oh no I'm soooo sorry your feeling that way and at that stage. How long have you been this way? Are you getting enough sleep? General rest? Any 'me' time? Time to yourself is vital as enables your brain to turn off from usual repetitive worries. Make sure you get that important selfish time on your own to do literally anything you want.
Does your hubby understand? It's v hard for them to really. Esp if he works all the time he will see himself probably as doing what he should. The difference though between a mummy who is fed up and tired etc and one who is hitting stages on PND is very different. Even at a low level you need support to get you back up to speed. It took me about 6 months of proper family support, childcare, therapy and low dose of meds before I literally woke up one morning and realised how long it had been since I'd felt 'myself'. It's very easy to get lost in it all. To carry on. To blame yourself. To not want to make a fuss. But mental health is like any other illness. It shouldn't be ignored. And should and can be treated very easily in order to get you back up to scratch. So you see....there is light at end of tunnel. First steps...talk to hubby. Talk to family or friends. Talk to GP. Get some more 'me' time. For me this forum opened my world to what seemed like another world!!! Which was scary. But I'm so thankful for it. Just remember that you really are normal. And don't expect anyone to understand how you feel unless they have been there themselves. Keep in touch..... Xx
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Post by Kimster is Kmum on May 20, 2016 7:59:28 GMT
Sorry!! Kimster is Kmum! I forgot my old user name!
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Post by monica on May 20, 2016 13:13:48 GMT
Hello Smeemee and welcome to our site
I'm so very sorry you're going through this terrible illness. Having two young children is extremely hard work at the best of times, plus if you have to look after them whilst feeling low/anxious etc is tough. Have you spoken to anyone about how you're feeling. There is support out there and as lonely and drained as you feel atm. If you havent' already do speak to your gp/health visitor - also to those closest to you. I promise you you're not alone.
I agree with everything Kmum has said - it's important to find even a little time to yourself to recharge your batteries. Is there anyone you could leave the children with from time to time.
Please keep talking to us
Monica
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Post by monica on May 20, 2016 13:14:16 GMT
Hi Kmum
Great to hear from you! How are you doing?
Monica
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