PNI?

[deborahclaire31]

Hi everyone - not sure yet whether I have PNI but finally made an appt with my GP for Monday. I had a lovely pregnancy, no real problems but then I had a traumatic labour involving being induced, physically sick, forceps delivery and incision being made, haemorrhaging after - I'm not sure my aftercare in the following days was brilliant and after a week found myself at my GP being diagnosed with PTSD after having less then ten hours sleep in six days. I was poorly for a good week or two after - couldn't even think about driving the car etc but gradually felt I was better.

So now at eleven weeks after giving birth, I can't stop thinking about my death and dying, I've always been scared of it but now my thoughts are almost obsessive, I spend most of my day in panic mode. I can function though household tasks seem to be building up but I can't seem to think about planning for the future. I watch tv and either don't take it in or it triggers my thoughts. I hate feeling like this and wonder if these thoughts will ever go away or will my GP just think I'm being silly.

[monica]

Hello and welcome

No one will think ur being silly about the way you are feeling. You have identified that you're not feeling well and this is a really positive step (I was unable to do this for a long time). Please do go and see your dr. Your symptoms are very common to pni and indeed traumatic birth is a know trigger .

With support you will recover quicker. This can be by way if counselling and or meds.

Dying and illnesses were my obsessional thoughts too. It got so out of control that I could eat nor sleep nor was able to rationalise so I am really able to identify with you.

I can let u know of some tips which helped me if you like.

Monica

[deborahclaire31]

Thanks Monica - I think I was slightly put off as when the HV did the Edinburgh Scale with me, I didn't score high for depression but I did for Anxiety - when I explained the thoughts that I was having about death/dying she suggested a new hobby but the thoughts are getting more prevalent..

The more I think about it, the more I think I maybe have more symptoms but it depends how you answer the questions...I went to Costa the other day for a coffee and cake and could have just cried but I'm not sure which is coming first the anxiety or the depression if that makes sense. Also I occasionally feel a bit detatched. Just a bit taken aback as I have always been a bit of a worrier but this is frightening. I would gladly take any tips as I don't want to feel like this anymore..

[deborahclaire31]

So I saw the GP this afternoon and she didn't think I was silly - she is going to refer me for counselling for the thoughts I've been having. The only thing is and I'm not sure whether I explained it well enough to her is about how fuzzy my head feels and how different it feels - could this be linked to anxiety or can it just be a normal postnatal reaction?

[monica]

Hi

So glad u went to see dr and that she listened to you. Counselling can be great to get to the bottom of these distressing thoughts and managing them.

A cpn (community psychiatric nurse) who visited me said the fuzzy head is a typical depression symptom . I'd never heard if this but none of the gps I'd visited had known this either. I don't know what causes this but so many ladies here have had it so it is a common symptom. I did notice that once I'd started the antids it lifted quite quickly . I don't know whether this is directly due to meds or due to anxiety decreasing which had set it off in the first place .

This fogginess would return from time to time though. I did find that doing aerobic activity would shift it. Could you manage a fast walk, exercise class or something like that ?

[deborahclaire31]

Hi Monica,

Thanks for replying. I do wonder if I have a touch of depression but she didn't seem to explore that avenue today. I will try the getting out for a fast walk.

I really hope the counselling can help because although my fear of death is all consuming at the moment, I want to be able to live my life too! I just want to feel some kind of normal again!

[monica]

Hi

Anxiety very much falls under the depression umbrella. Initially I had horrific anxiety rather than depression that's quite common too as with the label pnd people only think of this illness as being associated with depression, where as there are many varied symptoms with this illness. Sorry am waffling!

Do you know how long you will wait for counselling?

Have you heard of cbt? Cognitive behavioural therapy. These are really effective techniques of combatting negative thought patterns. Maybe ask about this. Can give u a bit more info if u like.

These thoughts can be all consuming but you will recoverx

[deborahclaire31]

Not sure how long it will take though I don't think she will do the referral until after she sees me again next week. I also have to fill in a HADS questionnaire for her.

I have heard about CBT and wonder if it would be something that would help me. She said it would be one-to-one counselling so I presume that will be different.

Thank you, I hope so x

[deborahclaire31]

Monica - do you think CBT would help me to break thought patterns? I'm spending most of my time at the moment feeling terrified..

[RaspberryBeret]

I have been finding cbt really useful for crippling anxiety and destructive thoughts. It trains you to challenge these thoughts and create new thought pathways. It is hard work but a strong investment for long term better mental health.

[monica]

I'm no expert but found a couple of techniques very good. This involved breaking down each thought. For instance my obsessive thoughts were around illnesses and dying. So if I had a cold I would think that it was more than that and a sign if something sinister . Then I would think I was dying and painic about that. I was told to write down each thought - then evidence for it and against it happening . So I would write - its another physical symptom I must be dying . Then in next column - it's winter colds are common, my symptoms are that if a cold, I'm tired stressed and run down which makes it more likely to be a cold, I've seen dr who said it was a cold and wasn't concerned.

I found that in black and white it was easier to rationalise as I'd list the ability to do this.

Maybe ask about it? As with all therapy it can be hard and draining but really good in long runx

[deborahclaire31]

Thanks both, I just find it difficult as the anxiety stuff I have read so far suggests that you look at the worst case scenario which doesn't happen. In my case it is going to...I so don't want it to spoil my time with my baby or pass my worry on to him, just want to stop thinking about it so much!

[monica]

Can I ask what you mean by saying that the worst case scenario will happen in your case? Don't feel u have to say.

Anxiety is awful. For me the anxiety was harder to handle than the depression. I think techniques that help you manage and reduce it are hugely beneficialx

[deborahclaire31]

Sorry I didn't mean that to sound like I was planning something awful, my fear is that I'm terrified of dying and being dead and that's all I can think of at the moment..

[deborahclaire31]

So yesterday was not a good day at all, all I can say is that I felt haunted by my anxiety...today has been slightly better and I have had some periods of time when I've not thought about it...

Has anyone else had the same anxieties and come out the other side? I noticed some posts by someone else a year or two ago that sounds like she had similar worries but I just want to know that I will get better, that I will be able to read/listen to music/watch tv without it triggering thoughts about death - especially reading as I usually love that.

My husband is out tonight so trying to decide whether to go to bed by myself or not...I don't know if the thoughts will be worse or if I can go to sleep, at least I'm not thinking them...