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Post by monica on Jun 28, 2014 16:52:09 GMT
Things sound very positive . The reduced hours will take the pressure off you and really boost recovery . So agree with occ health - use the time for urself and don't feel guilty. It's an investment into ur well being!
It was so brave of u to speak so frankly to counsellor - well done! I think with this illness we forget the ability to praise ourselves and view the positivity in certain actions.
Onwards and upwards! Enjoy the weekend !
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Post by kmum on Jun 29, 2014 22:34:53 GMT
Hi. Do you feel pleased you are getting somewhere?? I'm sure you do. That's the first time iv ever heard a timescale put on PND too!!! Is this really true? 5 years?? This scares me a lot.
Great to hear you have dropped hours for a while. It really is important that you rest and do what you enjoy but also include routine things like housework where you will feel satisfaction in doing them! Just don't overdo and tire yourself out!
I took 6 weeks off and the baby went to childminder every day while I literally lay in bed for about first week as my body shut down. After that I struggled to do anything but after another few weeks my mum would pick me up same time each day and we would go for at least an hours walk along coast! It created routine and excercise is a must as it may be the last thing you feel like but it's the one thing that helps the most! That and chocolate!! Try it!!!
What type if work are you in? Just when you mentioned client focused role I was interested as since before Christmas I felt I couldn't deal with clients confidently in work! And I'm part owner of a property firm so this really was the worst thing ever! I'm gradually and slowly getting back in to it! But there are days I can't seem to face new clients and be my usual chatty self!!! I hate it!
Anyway, hope you have been able to relax this weekend and start planning those hours that you are going to have free. I know how it feels to feel guilty about it but it's the only way to get better. Just remember that :-))
K
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Post by brach24 on Jun 30, 2014 23:01:06 GMT
Thanks for your replies ladies. I'm struggling to write about my stuff today. I'm hoping to take some time tomorrow when I finish work early to be reflective, journal here, read a little... And have a warm cup of tea. What a novelty!
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Post by monica on Jul 1, 2014 20:14:27 GMT
Hi
Hope u managed to get a bit if R &R today. How r u?
Monica
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Post by brach24 on Jul 1, 2014 22:30:24 GMT
Sorry - have crashed out tonight - hopefully be more together tomorrow x
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Post by brach24 on Jul 3, 2014 14:33:55 GMT
Have promised myself I'd write a bit today. I'm sitting in a coffee shop round the corner from work. I left a bit early but not as early as I should have. It's a very hard place to go easy in. I don't want to share too much details as I don't want to be identifiable so that I can share the difficult stuff. I know it's unlikely but I get overly anxious about everything so not risking breaking this lifeline. Safe to say I work looking after vulnerable people with addiction/mental health and other issues. I don't work directly with clients after a traumatic incident on my return from maternity leave. Today it was supporting the other staff that was exhausting. There is a lot of difficult stuff going on. It felt good to be useful and to feel capable of listening to them. I wouldn't have been able to do that a few months ago. A colleague asked me how I was getting on with pnd today and I couldn't really answer. It made me realise that id not been allowing myself to be reflective for a few days. Sometimes it feels really healthy to get on with living without thinking "how am I feeling" but it worries me that I may be suppressing stuff too. I'm really quite anxious about not having support this month - cbt is off, my pastoral care lady (there's a story for another time!!) isn't as free, I'll have my older girl around, we have family visiting for 3 weeks and it all feels a bit shaky. I've been getting the tight throat thing. Like someone is strangling me. I'm also trying to help my mum look for a new house and a bait worried about that if I'm honest. I tried to make a gp appointment yesterday but they don't have any till aug with my gp. Got to ring tomorrow for a different gp - it'll still be 2 weeks away but at least it will be organised. Sorry this is all a bit random. It's good to even summarise what it going on even if I don't have much time/energy to process just now. I feel like I could cry but there's nothing to be sad about... Maybe it's the emotions of the work stuff catching up. I don't know how I used to listen to such difficult stories and be ok with it. In other news I have found the most amazing armchair in this cafe where I can curl up in the corner and tap away on my phone. I am very lucky to have this time to myself.
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Post by quantumrose on Jul 3, 2014 20:23:51 GMT
Your comfy cafe armchair sounds awesome! Listen pickle, thats a lot of stuff going on and family staying for 3 weeks is enough to send most people running for the hills! Make sure you get plenty of comfy cafe chair time to yourself and remember how well you're doing. Keep talking here- anything you like, it can be short or in depth but if it helps thats the main thing. I can relate to the throat tightness, I find warm drinks and singing helps x
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Post by monica on Jul 4, 2014 20:42:02 GMT
Reflection is good and making time for urself even more so. Hope 3 weeks with family goes well. Are the likely to help you? Maybe get them to babysit so u and hubby can have some quality time?x
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Post by brach24 on Jul 4, 2014 23:09:27 GMT
Today has been pretty hard. It has felt relentless. It culminated in me walking out of the opticians saying we.'do come back tomorrow as I knew I wasn't coping and just wanted to get out. My older kid was upset as had been told she's need glasses forever after being told last time - not long till you don't need them!!!! The younger one was so fed up if being in the buggy and I was so exhausted and sore to the bone. I didn't twitch or stutter or anything - I just left. Feeling anxious about finances - the plan was to up my hours at work to earn enough to not have to make drastic changes to our lifestyle. With me not even doing my contracted hours I think extra hours is a long way off! Thanks for your positivity in your replies. It doesn't feel very positive at this end but I can see withy my head that it is. I dont know how it will pan out with family -hoping it'll be a good help. X
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willo
Full member
Posts: 36
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Post by willo on Jul 5, 2014 8:36:21 GMT
Hi. I hope you don't mind my reading through your diary and posting.
At least you walked out with a plan. Like you said, no stuttering, just knowing that you needed a break and tomorrow you could face it again. Sounds sensible to me.
Have you tried citizens advice to see if there is any help with finances you can apply until you are well enough to consider increasing hours?
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Post by brach24 on Jul 6, 2014 22:17:21 GMT
Hey willo, thanks for the message. Am not in a place to start looking at finance stuff - although u know we can't continue like this for much longer I also know it will be really difficult to look at headon. Maybe if things get easier. I'm quite on edge tonight. I feel like I've got too much going on - and I haven't done any bct homework for nearly 2 weeks. I'm supposed to be doing tasks and writing thought diaries but I just can't bring myself to sit and do it. I had an odd dream last night which I want to record. ------------- I was at the gp about my physical health condition and as I was talking she started to rub a clear gel onto the veins on my cheeks without telling me so I got a fright. She apologised and explained it was to help. It felt good and hopeful. About 30secs later I started to slump to one side and was fading in and out of consciousness she was shouting my name and I was trying to remain conscious but kept getting dragged under - it felt like drowning but in a peaceful way. Some of me wanted to be pulled right under. She brought me round eventually and told me I needed to eat something. She was going to hand me a chocolate bad but then said sorry because she remembered I didn't eat them and then started making a pot of tomato soup instead. I was very touched that she cared enough to do that. I felt very cared for. ---------- I think the dream was a playout of my longing to be cared and looked after. I often feel like no one gives a shit. I'm strong and together for everyone else but nobody makes space for me to be vulnerable. I know I can't look to my medical professionals to fill that void... Especially when i can't even manage to get an appointment with them!! I feel pretty screwed up to be feeling that way in first place. Really need to make time for some cbt stuff tomorrow. I want to get better so badly.
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Post by monica on Jul 7, 2014 9:02:18 GMT
Hi
Sounds like u had a bit of a crappy day at opticians. Don't worry about walking out - everybody has those moments even non pni people when it's just too much.
Recovery is frustratingly slow but you are improving . Try to keep that in mind. I also used to despair as I just wanted to be off the roller coaster that was pni so I do understandx
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Post by quantumrose on Jul 7, 2014 18:07:00 GMT
Sounds like you totally did the right thing, walking out of opticians. I can be so bloody minded sometimes and feel like I have to stick at something, when actually the best plan would be to try again another day. So that's an inspiration to me and I really mean it! That desire to recover.... I get that, I really do. I know this is a longshot but do you think you might be able to book a massage- if its something you'd like? It's what enabled me to have a good cry for the first time in AGES and it was because someone was treating me kindly and gently, which enabled me to treat myself like that for a bit. Just putting it out there... All the best hun xxx
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Post by brach24 on Jul 8, 2014 2:12:42 GMT
Thanks for the support. A massage sounds amazing right now. I get so tense that I feel tight all over. Normally running helps to loosen off but I don't feel up to running just now. I managed back to optician today - with hubby this time. I'm finding being around extended family so much a bit of a strain. They're lovely but I feel quite trapped by feelings if what I "should" be doing eg helping out, being sociable etc. I also find it difficult as they've said they want to take my girls out lots on walks - I presume because they want to be helpful to me. I just wish they'd ask what would be helpful to me... Or even talk to me at all about how I'm feeling. They haven't asked at all. I'm not good at sharing in a big group especially not about difficult stuff but if they spoke to me 1:1 I'd be happy to share how things are. I'm missing my cbt and my other support that is on hold just now. Trying to be brave and grown up but feel like a little child just wanting to be held and told that someone else will take care of it all.
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Post by monica on Jul 8, 2014 13:56:47 GMT
Hi
I have the most amazing family but I struggle sometimes when they come over . The routine goes out the window the workload goes up. If ur not feeling 100% it can be a struggle.
Is there one person who's there you could talk to? Take the plunge and explain how ur feeling and what u need them to do. Many people don't know what to say in these situations and probably don't want to risk upsetting u by saying anything.
Hugs - ur doing greatx
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