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Post by monica on Sept 29, 2014 8:19:30 GMT
That's fantastic to hear and I hope it gives you confidence that things will b ok. Ur quite right it's a frustratingly slow journey at times but things sound as they are going wellx
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Post by Weeble on Oct 5, 2014 14:52:29 GMT
How are things have they continued to improve?
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Post by AnoniMouse on Oct 8, 2014 7:02:00 GMT
Weeble, good question. I think the answer is yes but then gains are so slight its hard to see or measure. I guess that's one lesson to share, don't expect a steep sudden recovery. Look for tiny improvements, its a marathon not a sprint.
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Post by sarajay28 on Oct 8, 2014 11:50:34 GMT
Very true! And a long one at that. Glad things are improving for you all x
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Post by AnoniMouse on Oct 16, 2014 6:59:08 GMT
Just a small update in case other guys come looking for information... a week or so later things continue to be 'ok'. Not wonderful, not brilliant but ok, and ok is a good place. When I look back over the last few weeks that her mum hasn't been here my wifes confidence has clearly grown a little in looking after our girls. Another little thing I've noticed. She is less intimidated by the child care side of things. She knows she can do it. A big little thing.
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Post by juppster on Oct 18, 2014 7:34:18 GMT
Great to hear ?
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Post by Weeble on Nov 1, 2014 9:56:26 GMT
:-) how are things now?
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Post by AnoniMouse on Nov 12, 2014 14:02:59 GMT
Weeble, good question, its been a couple of weeks. By and large its continued to be the same. We had some stress when the night nanny left and then fell out over a parenting thing: crying them to sleep so they could learn to self sooth and sleep through better. Its not a post natal depression thing but is a good example of the thin ice I walk. I am honestly afraid to bring up topics of conversation that we might disagree on. Not something I was afraid of previously. As a man I have naturally a higher tolerance to a mum to hearing my girls scream, dont get me wrong it still stressful and tugs at my heart strings but as a dad I can step back if I know they are actually wanting soothing when they should be doing it themselves. Mum cant. The point being it was needed and a difficult topic as I knew we;d disagree. in the end we brought in a sleep trainer and shes here at the moment with us. Wow, has it been eye opening. So we fell out, after a few days arguing we found a solution and are working towards it. Its been a tough week, yet again and a few times I began to see a time when I reached the limit on the amount of abuse I can tolerate being met and me leaving. Yes, that close. Ladies of the world, remember its tough to have depression but its also tough to live with somebody with depression.
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Post by sarajay28 on Nov 12, 2014 14:25:48 GMT
You cope so amazingly well, my own husband was also fantastic during my own suffering and I just want to say that although you may not feel it, or even realise, your wife will thank you one day for your unwavering support. Parenting is tough, even without pni. There will always be disagreements over what to do for the best, it's a shame you feel you are treading on eggshells but hopefully the more your wife recovers the less you'll feel this way. It took my husband a long time to be able to bring up subjects without fear of me going "off on one" as he puts it'! Well done on getting in the sleep trainer, being pro active like you are is definitely a plus in my book. Keep doing what you are doing, you really are doing a great job x
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Post by Weeble on Nov 13, 2014 20:40:12 GMT
My husband would agree with you even now four years later he is still dealing with it. I have recovered but he hasn't look after yourself and give yourself a pat on the back :-)
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Post by AnoniMouse on Nov 24, 2014 11:56:55 GMT
Well a few weeks later and mostly the girls are sleeping through, sure the odd night they have a 'moment' but generally they are now sleeping through, awesome and amazing news as it means the home is actually sleeping. No small matter as its good for my wife as well as for me. My wife is managing the babies so much better. I have much more confidence in her and see she has much more self confidence. The later is very important. She's now much more in charge of the house and I can step back. She fell out with her mum last week and so her mum hasnt been around and shes still managing solo much more. This week will be the true test on that one. The argument with her mum is a bump in the road and I am sure they will make up sometime, two stubborn women! It isnt surprising they fell out, its always hard to have another person in your house that isnt usually there. Everybody can get a little stressed. At least I'm not the one falling out with her mum, makes a change not to be bad cop. I guess the next big ticket items are around my wife rediscovering our relationship AND making the babies fit into our life a bit more, rather than us to fit into their lives. Standard parenting things. I have to be patient on both scores.
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Post by monica on Dec 30, 2014 17:25:36 GMT
Hello
You've not been on here for a while so am hoping no news is good news - no pressure by the way! You post whenever you feel you want to! Sorry this is such a late reply. Am really hoping things have continued t improve for your wife and of course yourself. You mentioned your relationship - I think as your wife recovers, the babies become easier (wel at least sleep longer!!!) there will be more time for yourselves to rediscover one another again. Having not one but two babies even without pni must be so tiring that often no one has the energy to put time into the relationship but so be hopeful that things will improvex
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Post by AnoniMouse on Jan 6, 2015 13:04:00 GMT
Monica, good timing for your question. things were ok, not great but ok until this week. Last night she grabbed my dinner plate, full of food and threw it across the lounge. The girls were fast asleep thankfully and well clear. After this she said she basically gives me two options, to leave and file for divorce or stay living together in the same house but not together, separate lives. The argument stemmed from her approaching two of the godparents -my friends, not hers- for money towards the girls christening. I don't have a clue what to do. Unusually for me I decided no action would be my action. But it was only last night and I did night watch on the girls so am a bit tired. Not sure what else to say. The violence worries me but is aimed at me, not the girls. I'm out of my depth.
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Post by monica on Jan 6, 2015 16:39:47 GMT
Oh goodness . Maybe once kids r in bed sit down and talk about it.
How has ur wife been on the whole in terms of mood? Do u feel there has been progress?
Is this outburst a one off - pmt for instance can do this. An complete overreaction to something quite minor as well as telling u the relationship is over. It can take a while to recover from pni. There are dips some worse than others. ISO u feel she's recovering?
With regards to ur relationship if you feel she is doing ok perhaps some sort of marriage counselling would help.
I'm sorry Youre going thru this. This is a very cruel illness. Keep talkingx
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Post by AnoniMouse on Jan 7, 2015 15:02:47 GMT
I truly don't know if this is from the depression or just a more normal (whatever that means) marriage argument. Its difficult to differentiate.
Talking after they are asleep isn't likely to help, I suspect shes still in anger mode and will just repeat the argument and maybe push her even further towards separation.
Before this she was stable and before Xmas she even laughed and smiled but that's all gone now.
I sort of decided to let the world calm down, my action is no action. Watch and wait to see what happens next. See if she pushes for separation or divorce. I saw she had some of the house ownership paperwork out and also a note about seeing somebody at CAB so suspect she is talking to people to find out her position. It could get messy.
I honestly don't really know what to do. Definitely out of my depth and I know marriage counselling isn't going to happen with her anytime soon. Its not her thing.
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