Post by quantumrose on Sept 11, 2015 10:34:51 GMT
This is really just an excercise in me trying to make sense of how I feel and hopefully why. I suffer from white coat syndrome-I'm terrified of doctors, nurses, any medical professional. The thing I am most terrified of is having my blood pressure taken. It's the cycle of "anxiety because I know it has to be taken in pregnancy, knowing if I can't stay calm the reading will be high and then worrying about having uneccessary interventions because of an inacurate reading and back to the beginning".
So, first things first, WHY do I have this fear? As a kid, my mum took me to the doctors alot. Most of the time for silly things. I became worried about the doctors reaction, being used to a gruff, short tempered examination and dismissive attitude. It scared me, I was feeling the disapproval that was probably meant for my mum! But even so, nobody should be treated badly for worrying about their childs health. Anyway, I think thats where it started.
Skip forward to my first pregnancy. I suffered a miscarriage and went on to quickly conceive afterwards but my anxieties were focused on "What if it should happen again". My midwife care was, on the whole excellent. The care I recieved from my doctor was awful and I think this is where my fear of having my BP taken stems from. She almost shouted at me to "calm down", she told me alllll the awful things that might happen if I don't calm down and then was extremely disapproving of the resulting panic attack. I spent the rest of my pregnancy, terrified. Until my midwife smoothed it over, treated me with care and told me not to go back to that doctor!
In my second pregnancy, I had a similar experience of appointments with consultants because BP readings were slightly raised in appointments(highest being 160/70) Again, my worries and concerns were met with the kind of attitude that can be summed up as a teacher looking over their glasses at you. I felt trapped and because I wanted the best for my baby I continued subjecting myself to these awful appointments. In the end, I had a homebirth and my BP was absolutely fine throughout. Now, at 25 weeks pregnant I'm working through all this again. I have a phobia of having my BP taken, to the point where I worry weeks in advance of having it taken. Imagine, a terrible fear that happens when you're afraid of it??!! Thats what I'm dealing with here and the solution is eluding me. I am now scared of taking my BP at home too, which has really screwed up my plans of only taking it myself.
As you can probably tell, I'm in a pickle, I can't see a way out. It's all intertwining with PND, which is complicating matters. I'll keep exploring and hope there's some light at the end of the tunnel.
So, first things first, WHY do I have this fear? As a kid, my mum took me to the doctors alot. Most of the time for silly things. I became worried about the doctors reaction, being used to a gruff, short tempered examination and dismissive attitude. It scared me, I was feeling the disapproval that was probably meant for my mum! But even so, nobody should be treated badly for worrying about their childs health. Anyway, I think thats where it started.
Skip forward to my first pregnancy. I suffered a miscarriage and went on to quickly conceive afterwards but my anxieties were focused on "What if it should happen again". My midwife care was, on the whole excellent. The care I recieved from my doctor was awful and I think this is where my fear of having my BP taken stems from. She almost shouted at me to "calm down", she told me alllll the awful things that might happen if I don't calm down and then was extremely disapproving of the resulting panic attack. I spent the rest of my pregnancy, terrified. Until my midwife smoothed it over, treated me with care and told me not to go back to that doctor!
In my second pregnancy, I had a similar experience of appointments with consultants because BP readings were slightly raised in appointments(highest being 160/70) Again, my worries and concerns were met with the kind of attitude that can be summed up as a teacher looking over their glasses at you. I felt trapped and because I wanted the best for my baby I continued subjecting myself to these awful appointments. In the end, I had a homebirth and my BP was absolutely fine throughout. Now, at 25 weeks pregnant I'm working through all this again. I have a phobia of having my BP taken, to the point where I worry weeks in advance of having it taken. Imagine, a terrible fear that happens when you're afraid of it??!! Thats what I'm dealing with here and the solution is eluding me. I am now scared of taking my BP at home too, which has really screwed up my plans of only taking it myself.
As you can probably tell, I'm in a pickle, I can't see a way out. It's all intertwining with PND, which is complicating matters. I'll keep exploring and hope there's some light at the end of the tunnel.