Post by aura on May 11, 2016 10:04:54 GMT
I just wanted to post here to update all those who replied to my posts and to encourage any moms who've been suffering and don't feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel.
It's been a few years now since the onset of my PNI, and I'm happy to say that I hardly ever have the dreaded thoughts. I'm feeling functional, happier than I've been in years and happy as a mom too. If you stay determined you will beat this down. There are some days when I have blips, but instead of every hour on the hour, these happen once every six months or so, and I feel generally down but can identify why and that helps me calm myself and combat it better.
One of my main themes during my PNI was dreaded thoughts. I had just about every kind of thought and all of them centered around me being crazy or hurting my son. Forgetting him even. I don't have these thoughts anymore, but what I used to do was focus on them when I had them, dissect them, observe and try to see which thoughts were rational and which weren't.
During PNI it was as if there was a cloud over my brain. Everything was weirdly hazy and surreal.
What helped me heal:
- Working on a project (art/writing/whatever you enjoy) that pulls your focus from the darkness (I eventually made this into a business)
- Challenging every dreaded thought
- CBT
- Exercising (even if it's just going for a walk down the road with a toddler or a baby in a pram and back again)
- This forum (a lot of the people around me didn't grasp what I was going through and made it worse, though this wasn't their fault)
- Talking myself up in the mirror. Telling myself I'm a good mother, that I'm worthy, that everything will be all right. Really looking myself in the eye.
- Meditating (except when I was depersonalized, as this made me feel strange)
- Realizing that I'm not alone in the universe, reading spiritual books
- Taking time for myself (you could even hire a babysitter) and reading a good book, or playing a game on the PC or watching a favorite show
- Cooking
- Chocolates
Please remember that you are never alone!
I hope that someone who's going through a rough time reads this and that it helps. I have been there and there is an end to this! (I posted this in my diary as well, but thought maybe more people would see it here).
I have moved across the country (I live in South Africa) and am now in a happy relationship with a great guy. I'm working from home, my son is 4 already!! He's attending school and is very intelligent, and is happy as well. I don't know how I would have managed without this forum and the support of those on it.
Anything is possible once you start believing in yourself. The fact that we all feel/felt so terrible and STILL got out of bed, got on with life, tried and kept trying whenever we could, just goes to show what amazing spirits we all have as mothers.
Some days are black, some days are grey, but eventually all the colors do come back!
It's been a few years now since the onset of my PNI, and I'm happy to say that I hardly ever have the dreaded thoughts. I'm feeling functional, happier than I've been in years and happy as a mom too. If you stay determined you will beat this down. There are some days when I have blips, but instead of every hour on the hour, these happen once every six months or so, and I feel generally down but can identify why and that helps me calm myself and combat it better.
One of my main themes during my PNI was dreaded thoughts. I had just about every kind of thought and all of them centered around me being crazy or hurting my son. Forgetting him even. I don't have these thoughts anymore, but what I used to do was focus on them when I had them, dissect them, observe and try to see which thoughts were rational and which weren't.
During PNI it was as if there was a cloud over my brain. Everything was weirdly hazy and surreal.
What helped me heal:
- Working on a project (art/writing/whatever you enjoy) that pulls your focus from the darkness (I eventually made this into a business)
- Challenging every dreaded thought
- CBT
- Exercising (even if it's just going for a walk down the road with a toddler or a baby in a pram and back again)
- This forum (a lot of the people around me didn't grasp what I was going through and made it worse, though this wasn't their fault)
- Talking myself up in the mirror. Telling myself I'm a good mother, that I'm worthy, that everything will be all right. Really looking myself in the eye.
- Meditating (except when I was depersonalized, as this made me feel strange)
- Realizing that I'm not alone in the universe, reading spiritual books
- Taking time for myself (you could even hire a babysitter) and reading a good book, or playing a game on the PC or watching a favorite show
- Cooking
- Chocolates
Please remember that you are never alone!
I hope that someone who's going through a rough time reads this and that it helps. I have been there and there is an end to this! (I posted this in my diary as well, but thought maybe more people would see it here).
I have moved across the country (I live in South Africa) and am now in a happy relationship with a great guy. I'm working from home, my son is 4 already!! He's attending school and is very intelligent, and is happy as well. I don't know how I would have managed without this forum and the support of those on it.
Anything is possible once you start believing in yourself. The fact that we all feel/felt so terrible and STILL got out of bed, got on with life, tried and kept trying whenever we could, just goes to show what amazing spirits we all have as mothers.
Some days are black, some days are grey, but eventually all the colors do come back!