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Post by monica on Oct 18, 2016 20:18:56 GMT
Hi newmon
As slow as it might be it sounds as if you're making progress - often initially it can bevfleetingbmoments of feeling ok when symptoms subside, then it can be a couple of hours then half a day. This can be interceded with a return to old symptoms. Like you, I literally had no moments of feeling ok for four months then prob thanks to meds it did improve .
I realise this progress is slow and most of the time you feel like crap which is horrible but hopefully things are heading in the right direction.
Re fatigue this for me preceded the anxiety . PNI is very draining and this fatigue isn't necessarily a precursor to depressionx
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frogface
Private Board (R) Member
Posts: 938
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Post by frogface on Oct 19, 2016 7:52:02 GMT
One of the worst feelings is having a good day and then being floored by the bad feelings again. But the good times will get longer.
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Post by newmom on Oct 19, 2016 12:36:28 GMT
Symptoms are so physically debilitating , Feel likes I'm drawn into a big dark place, like I'm dying Everything is collapsing around me. I cry all the time, can't sleep Can't function ... Afraid of taking medications / antids , had bad reactions to them , only anti anxiety pill several times a week It's a horror that I'm living iin, and this is my reality . Baby is 8 months next week . Fighting this for 6 months but this last weeks have been the worst , I couldnt believe it would get so bad, but I was wrong. At this point it's a chronic condition . I refuse to believe it will ever go away.
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Post by newmom on Oct 19, 2016 20:10:27 GMT
Nothing brings relief. Tried: Medications: nothing works , worst side effects I could not tolerate. Can't continue on "frying" my already fried brain , with psych meds Honestly, these meds just horrify me , I have severe anxiety just thinking about taking them . Alternative stuff: supplements , vitamins, herbs, acupuncture - All not working CBT/ Counselling: nothing helps Almost 8 months postpartum with horrific physical anxiety symptoms. Tremors , headaches , debilitating exhaustion , insomnia started this week ...anxiety and panic each morning ... Shivering ....weird random aches and pains ... Symptoms just keep pilling up...horrific stuff..I cry all the time because there's nothing else I can do . Seeing a psychiatrist but horrified of these meds: they all increase my anxiety and panic to un-imaginable levels...Complete nightmare No quality of life ... I'm that close to losing my job over this ...but it pays our health benefits ...What to do? I'm at the end of my rope here , 6 months of this crap. I didn't kill anyone ... I just wanted to have a baby ... Why am I being punished? ? Why? ? Has it ever happened to any woman that whatever they tried didn't work? What am I supposed to do ?? Just wait it out?? Will it get better with time???
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Post by monica on Oct 19, 2016 22:28:14 GMT
I'm sorry ice been so busy today - just want to send you the biggest hugs for tonight. I do know what you're going through and it's horrendous and horrific feeling as awful as you do. It's bloody unfair too and you've done nothing to deserve this. Progress can be excruciatingly slow for some - I don't know why that is. I understand your reticence re meds.
The irony is the less you fixate and worry the better you'll feel but as you feel so awful how can you not worry? I think you certainly need support at this time. It might not change things quickly but you shouldn't suffer alone - even having someone to listen to you can make you feel less isolated. Could you talk to hv?
If you'd read my posts from when I'd started on this site or heard me at the doctors word for word your last post was I'd said. I felt so ill without respite for 4 months. I couldn't function, I couldnt eat/sleep or do anything other than cry. You mentioned a black cloud hanging over you - well this is exactly what PNI was like for me.
I got better and so will you. I can't give you a time frame but have hopex
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Post by newmom on Oct 20, 2016 15:17:50 GMT
Thank you Monica. I cannot believe women can survive this monstrous illness. After feeling so bad for so long (6 months) I cannot even remember what it feels like feeling ok, the way I've always been: normal happy person..I do have my husband and brother and mother for support. It is amazing however, to see how all of our "friends" and other family members disappeared once they realized what we're dealing with. In times like this , you can really see the true colors of people you thought they care about you .
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Post by monica on Oct 23, 2016 7:52:29 GMT
Hi
You're right - sadly the people you expect will support you the most seem to disappear. I think a lot of people simply don't know what to say so it's easier for them to just avoid contact. Saying that you might find real friendship from the unlikeliest sources. I remember when I had PNI a girl who I would say I wasn't particularly close to was amazing and tbh has continued to be a source of strength in difficult times.
How are you? I just reread a couple of your last posts. You mentioned dizziness when you went out - that does sound like an anxiety symptom as you're going out of your comfort zone . I had this too (bet you're sick of hearing me say that! I hope the weekends been ok so farx
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Post by newmom on Oct 25, 2016 19:30:01 GMT
I'm sad to say this but we're going to give the baby to my brother to raise her . He has 2 kids of his own and his wife is great . We don't have any family other then my brother and I completly trust him. My husband and I cannot take care of baby . I love her so much , she's so precious and a real angel. This illness is running me into my grave sooner than I thought.
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Post by monica on Oct 25, 2016 19:48:15 GMT
Oh Newmom - are you sure? I know you are unwell and again I can understand how it's incredibly hard in every way looking after her. Perhaps talking to hv and getting more help in place? Maybe your little girl could go to a nursery/ childminder to give you a break and chance to rest as this is so important for you. There are organisations like home start where a volunteer can visit you to help - I had this with PNI and the lady ws lovely and v supportive. My friend's hv organised nursery placement when her baby was tiny as she couldn't cope due to PNI . Social services can organise this too. Maybe your brother could help out at weekends for instance giving you a much needed breather.
Giving your baby to your bro, although I'm sure he'd be a great carer, could have untold consequences for everyone and please don't think I am critisising you as I'm not all as I understand how tough life is for you 24/7. Your daughter has grown up with you and you are her world as she is yours. I think the effect on you also would be serious. I think other support avenues haven't been explored yet.
I worry that due to this cruel illness you have been robbed of your confidence in Your abilities as a mum. Yes you are struggling but no one doubts you're a brilliant living mum.
I know you feel like this is how you'll be forever but it won't be.
Please please think this through with othersxxx
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Post by monica on Oct 25, 2016 19:53:19 GMT
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Post by monica on Oct 26, 2016 9:25:34 GMT
Hi
How r u? Pls read over what I wrote X
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Post by monica on Oct 28, 2016 23:50:41 GMT
How are you New mom? Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of youx
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Post by quantumrose on Oct 30, 2016 8:12:23 GMT
Hi newmom,
I hope it's ok to post on your diary. recovery is so, so tough. It's a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. I understand that feeling of being floored by bad feelings and symptoms after a good few hours or day. It feels so cruel when they return. But, rest assured, it is a sign of good things to come. I found this site a kickstart for my healing and getting better when I suffered from PND after my second child. It took me almost a year to admit how awful I was feeling but once I had, recovery was slow but steady. It really helps to have a place to be honest, gain support and understanding and meet others who have suffered from this awful illness and recovered themselves. All the best and so many hugs newmom. You can do this, you will get better xxxxx
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Post by newmom on Oct 30, 2016 13:34:33 GMT
Thank you all for your love compassion and support. Starting to have some better moments but it's still very very tough . Just some better moments, not even hours...I've been seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in PNI who says I need to be on medication. He says it will aventualy go away within 12 -18 months after birth but will be a tough road without medicatin to help me go through this time period. My baby is 8 months now. As I already said, I'm horrified of these psych meds but I'm using homeopathy and natural supplements. The 24/7 dizziness comes and goes and not as bad as used to be. Still have eye pressure and headaches abd weird aches pain throughout the body , ear buzzing ,some fatigue but all these symptoms come and go and are not there 24/7 like they used to be for months .. So maybe that's a good sign? Yesterday we went to do some shopping and I didn't get as dizzy as I used to in public places and had no panic attacks.I just hope all these awful symptoms will 100% go away. I'm scared to think that some will still remain forever. I just had another fainting episode where I felt so extremly weak thought I was going to pass out or die.My arms legs felt so weak and shaky and I felt lightheaded , been having these episodes for months , have you ever experienced this during PNI? It's so debilitating
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Post by monica on Oct 30, 2016 16:10:21 GMT
Hi
I had the faint feelings - they would come on suddenly and I would feel like I was about to faint. My legs would go weak and id feel dizzy. I think they were a type of panic attack .
I really do think you are recovering as things are improving. I do understand though that this recovery is at a very slow and therefore frustrating pace and that overall you still feel unwell. But these glimmers of feeling ok will get longer and more frequent I promise you.
Please please don't give up home. I sometimes I wish I'd kept a video diary as I felt just like you for months ...I did recover and do will youx
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