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Post by xloraa on Oct 3, 2016 14:48:41 GMT
Hi all, after 10 horrific month I have finally built up the courage to call my GP, I have an appointment tomorrow, after having a breakdown this past weekend I realised I really needed to seek help. I thought i was doing fine and powering through pretty good but this weekend has made me realise that it's just going to get worse unless I do something about it asap. I'm just so so scared that if I tell her about the thoughts I've been having that they will call social services on me! when she cries, I get so frustrated I have visions of me hurting her, and then to stop myself I end up hurting myself (pulling hair, punching, biting etc) and it terrifies me. Is this normal pnd behaviour or am I just really that much of a horrible person that i could feel this way? I feel like I'm just evil, my best friend has had a baby this past weekend and I can't even be happy for her, instead I wish her unhappiness, I've even been hoping that she ends up feeling the same way as me so that I'm not alone. I see all those mothers posting on Facebook etc about how being a mother is the best thing in the world, and how magical it is and how they are worth every sleepless night etc, and I don't feel like that at all, and that's all I really want, why don't I feel that way? Sorry for ranting, I think I just really needed to get all this off my chest, and hopefully tomorrow I can explain all this to my GP and finally get some help. xxx
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Post by monica on Oct 3, 2016 15:22:34 GMT
Hello and welcome
I'm so sorry you've been struggling. Everything you describe falls into the category of PNI. It's a cruel illness for sure - lots of frustration , awful thoughts (that's all they are thoughts as a response to how you're feeling), unhappiness and despair.
Well done on seeking help. I have no doubt the dr will have heard it all before. They can offer support , talking therapies and or medication . You will recover from this.
How are you finding motherhood ? The media , social networking sites all put pressure on us mums to love being a parent and you're a failure if you're not. The reality can be that's it's a very tiring draining lonely and boring role where it can feel you're losing your identity as a person. This doesn't make you a bad person at all and I have no doubt you love your baby very much. Perhaps try and find a little time just for you?
Do keep talking . You'll get support on here from ladies who really do understand.
Monica
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Post by xloraa on Oct 3, 2016 15:56:50 GMT
Hi Monica, thank you for replying. Motherhood is fine some days. I have two daughters 4 and 10 months and I really do love them dearly, however I find motherhood extremely over whelming. I do the best I can even though a simple nappy change can be daunting some days. I find getting out of the house helps, but as I don't drive this makes it harder and some days it's that stressful to get out the house I just think it's easier to stay at home. I had to ring my mum today to help with the baby as I just couldn't cope anymore, she is teething and isn't sleeping at all, so I just needed a few hours to catch up on some sleep and I just couldn't switch off, I led starting at the ceiling sobbing uncontrollably. I'm just really hoping tomorrow helps. I really need it.
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frogface
Private Board (R) Member 
Posts: 938
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Post by frogface on Oct 3, 2016 16:34:24 GMT
Good luck tomorrow. You have done the right thing to start helping yourself. It is HARD WORK having a baby. I was posting blissful pics of myself on Facebook on the same days I was having terrible thoughts about myself and my baby - take it all with a pinch of salt.
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Post by Jay on Oct 5, 2016 23:35:36 GMT
Hi
I have been reading your posts. You are defiantly NOT a horrible person.
Your are a new mum who is poorly and tired and in need of some help. Please don't feel bad about yourself for asking for help. Your mum will only be too pleased to help you so do ask her again, my mum use to do this for me.
How did your apt with the GP go?
I send you a hug.
Keep strong
Lynne
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Post by monica on Oct 6, 2016 10:30:56 GMT
Hi
How did your appt go? I hope it was positive .
I just read your last post and it reminded me of how I was when in the depths of PNI . I remember my son was weaning and I couldn't even boil a carrot. You're really not alone and you will recover like I didx
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