Overwhelmed

[FirstTimeMam]

Hi

I have a 7 week old baby boy who I love so so much but I find myself really struggling to adapt to motherhood 😢

I am 35 and it has always just been myself and my husband. We discussed having children and both agreed it was what we wanted. I am ashamed to admit i envisaged a well behaved baby who would fit seamlessly into our lives and we could carry on as before. This of course has not been the case our son has colic and a touch of reflux so I find myself exhausted and feeling so out of my depth like I don't know what is right for my son. It is just so so hard.

I had the usual baby blues but now I am plagued by thoughts of omg is this my life now? I miss my independence, I can't imagine ever feeling normal again and I get jealous when I see people enjoying their life. I dread mornings (I have no idea why) I think I just feel overwhelmed for the day ahead, I'm scared to go places incase the baby cries and I can't settle him. We end up spending the day in doors which makes me feel guilty as I should be getting out and about for my babies development. I cant seem to get anything done (he doesn't expect it but I want to have my husbands tea ready etc) I just end up sitting and holding my baby because he cries if I put him down (which I find hard and frustrating that I don't know how to settle him)

I know I sound so selfish and it makes me ashamed but I am scared that I will never adapt and I will never feel like my old self. Have other people felt like this does it lift in time?? Is it because my baby is not as settled as some due to colic etc that I am finding it hard? does it just get easier as baby gets older. I find myself wishing his life away until he can talk so I can ask him what's making him upset!! This makes me feel so inadequate as a mother I feel like I shouldn't have made the decision as it is my son who is suffering from not having a happy mother.

Sorry just wanted to get it out as I darent admit that I'm struggling to friends and family I am normally so in control

[Kirsty]

Welcome, I am sorry you are feeling this way, I don't have advice really but just wanted you to know you're not alone. I felt very much like this when my daughter was born and I still do at times (she's 16 months) but it's not like it was when she was born. I felt I had made the worst decision by having a baby and I really wanted my old life back. I felt trapped in a life I didn't want even though Sophia was very much wanted and planned. It has eased off now and as I say I get them feelings every so often but not like I did and it doesn't overwhelm me like it did in the beginning.

You will adjust and adapt it just takes time. Having a baby is the biggest life change and for some the adaptation is really difficult but you WILL get there.

I'm not a medical professional but it sounds like you could be suffering with PNI! Some of what you say could be symptoms of it. I would go to you doctors and just discuss it through with them and see what they say.

Keep talking we are here to help.

Hugs

Kirsty x

[monica]

Welcome!

Youre not alone by any means and it's really postive you've admitted to what you're feeling.
Having a baby is a huge life change even a much wanted one, and there is no shame in saying that it can be very hard. You lose your independence, it can be very repetitive and boring and bloody hard work. Imagine doing a regular job 24/7 without a break - you'd burn out and it's the same with motherhood. No doubt having a crying baby is especially taxing eventhough it's not the little mite's fault. It can knock your self confidence in taking baby out, look after him all of which can make life very hard for you and it's no wonder you feel the way you do.



I agree with Kirsty - go and talk to your dr. You shouldn't feel this way and they can help you. TAlking therapies, health visitor listening visits might be a start and someone just keeping an eye on you. Also have you had any advice re colic? I believe it normally settles at about 3 months. If reflux is part of the problem your baby can be prescribed something to help. My youngest had dreadful colic and I took him to a cranial osteopath which worked amazingly. They do this sort of light massage but it worked - I would have to keep topping up the treatment as colds, injections seemed to trigger it. Unfortunately you would probaly have to pay but it's worth looking into.

Do you get any time to yourself? Could you try to factor in a little me time even if it's once or twice a week just to enjoy being yourself and not just a mum? That can work wonders and give you a break. I remember with my eldest child there were days when I didnt even get dressed not wash as I couldn't find the time as he was quite a demanding baby, so if you can get someone to mind the baby just going for one drink or hairdressers can really be a huge boost.

Please keep talking as you're not alone in how you feelx

[Firsttimemam]

Thanks for the replies it's nice to know I'm not alone!

I think I will visit my GP and talk things over.

With regards to colic/reflux I have been to GP and they advised 'riding it out' as my son is putting on weight and is otherwise well. I am using colief which seems to help and I have done the usual tilting head of crib, feeding him upright/keeping him up for the reflux. If it gets worse I will be going back.

My poor baby I can't stand to watch him go through it I'm wishing his life away to 3months as I have heard these conditions tend to ware off then (fingers crossed)

[monica]

It is horrible watching your baby cry so much but they won't be scarred by it. I'd forgotten my nephew had it dreadfully too - he wasn't putting on weight properly either but as soon as he started solids it disappeared. Hang on in there x

[mrss]

I remember these feelings very well. You are not alone!

The dread of mornings was explained to me as a marker of depression, where the chemicals in the brain just were not firing properly after birth.

I remember the anxiety of not knowing what do when my baby cried. The panic of people watching. The panic that they would find out I was useless.

I am glad to read you are thinking of talking to your Dr. I really hope they listen and help you. You could speak to your HV too? She/he should support you through this time with home visits