Angry

[CJB]

My son is three and I’m still angry and frustrated at him. I resented him when he was born - for taking away my time, my waistline, my energy and for hurting me during the birth. It’s silly, none of it was his fault but on some days I still feel the anger coming up in me. Even after 3 years. I tried counselling but I don’t think I managed to communicate the innate frustration and anger in my relationship to him - it was interpreted more like my being annoyed at typical toddler behaviour. My counsellor also focussed on my fathers death when my son was 5 months old. But the anger is at my son. I don’t understand why I just can’t get it together and enjoy him. We do have fun some days and I enjoy his laugh and doing things like baking with him but I want this horrible anger and resentment to go away. My counsellor said anger was a choice but it feels like an external force.

[monica]

Welcome CJB

I’m sorry this anger and resentment towards your son is lingering. Clearly you’re able to rationalise these feelings and recognise that it isn’t your sons fault. Having a child does irrevocably change your life - whilst many paint this picture of perfection of parenthood and the pressure to feel this wY is huge many many women do feel negative .

It sounds like you do ha e a strong bond with your so. And do love him. Has the anger diminished since birth? Would you consider getting advice from dr? It does sound like letting go of these feelings is hard for you and at times everyone has’ issues’ that are hard to drop .

[monica]

Perhaps another counsellor who would ‘get’ you - or different technique. Also do you find there are particular triggers that make you feel worse. With PNI many women find that during pmt time these feelings seem to intensify . Please do keep talking x

[leanneh]

Hi CJB,

I’m really sorry you’re struggling with those feelings. I’m not a medical professional but it sounds like perhaps you are still struggling with a lot of trauma issues from the birth. CBT really helped me with those as it allows you to try and change the way you think about things. At first it is forced but once you get the hang of it, the change to your thought processes is natural. I really would recommend giving it a go. IAPT is self referral through the NHS if you are in England and you can see a CBT therapist through that. I would also definitely consider counselling in some form or another as Monica’s right, they are all different in what they can offer and their personalities. It would be helpful for you to be able to talk about how you feel in a safe space and for you them to be able to help you process all of the thoughts and feelings around your son.x

[leanneh]

How are you feeling CJB? X