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Post by winegirl on Sept 4, 2008 20:41:21 GMT
Oh Siany you poor thing!! I think support is a MAJOR factor in PNI, and you clearly didnt get nearly enough! Just shows how fab you are to have done all this without them though!
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Post by cheshire on Sept 13, 2008 15:51:27 GMT
My therapist said recently, that lots of issues come to the fore for some women when they have a baby. Made sense, but I still think physical apsects play a part? x
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Post by Josiemam1 on Sept 14, 2008 7:37:54 GMT
I've had PNI twice.
First time I think it was more 'social' reasons. I had high expectations and then had a section/couldn't breastfeed etc. However, I also had really bad 'baby blues' and let people tell me it was normal but I knew it wasn't. My PND was at it's worst when he was about 8 weeks old. I had meds and got better very quickly.
The second time I think it was a combination of hormones and lack of sleep. I was 'high' and euphoric after the birth and couldn't sleep. The day my milk came in, I had massive waves of anxiety and eventually I had to take sedatives. Once I'd caught up with some sleep and calmed down the most terrible depression set in.
The second time it felt really, really physical.
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sarahjane
Full member
I will get through this for my baby girl who is 2years old and baby im expecting :)
Posts: 131
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Post by sarahjane on Jan 20, 2009 4:28:27 GMT
Hi veritee,one of my biggest factors in pni was how bad the hospital staff treated me.I was arranged to have a natural water birth,listen to music relax with my partner through my labour,well that did not happen at all.I started having contractions so i called the midwifes at the hospital they told me to come in,so me and my partner got my hospital bag went straight to the hospital at 1am in the morning.When we arrived they put me through an awful examination and said i was only 2 and a half centemeters dialated i should go home as i had plenty of time even though i stressed how painful my contractions was aswell as i was bleeding after examination.To cut a long story short i went home spent the night in bed with extremley painful contractions at some points i was on all fours on the floor i couldnt relax at all because i was so frightened my partner rang the hospital again several times and stressed i was supposed to have a natural water birth and i was in so much pain all they said was 'take a couple painkillers and come in when contractions are 3mins apart!' well at 9 am i suddenly get this strong urge to push! My partner rang an ambulance as we feared if i went in our car i would end up delivering the baby! The ambulance arrived took me to hospital giving me gas&air on the way there.I struggled the whole 15 mins drive as i just wanted to push her out! I got to hospital they ripped my trousers of and said her heads there PUSH PUSH!i was shouting at them for sending me home and ruining my birth She was born twenty mins later she was born at 10 to 10am 17thapril 2008! There was 3 midwifes in there one not speaking at all just glaring at me! After she was born i breasfed for an hour,had a shower,donated my cord blood,had a lecture on contaception,they dressed my babygirl when my partner was helping me in shower! and i was sent home at 3 pm that day! Thankfully i didnt have stitches,just had grazes Even the health visitor turned up a day late.I hated my birth the staff were horrible x
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Post by Heidi on Jan 22, 2009 21:56:53 GMT
Have been reading lots of the past readings and can relate to many. I definately feel that hormones play a massive part in pni. During my pregnancy I felt the best I had felt in my life. However very soon after myson was born I became extremely anxious about everything. My Gp descibed the effect that hormones have post delivery as like coming off a drug such as cocaine. Hormone levels during pregnancy are apparently very high and after birth they drop very quickly. Some women handle this better than others. However , I feel there were several other factors in my development of Pni. My mother died when I was 18 and the weeks following my sons birth I would wake up crying or shouting her name. I think I grieved as an adult and felt terribly alone like I had no one to talk to or that was truly on my side. I also started to think very deeply about my own mortality and how my son would be if I died. During my mothers illness I had had a termination and terrible feelings of guilt resurfaced, stuff I thought I had dealt with long ago. I couldnt shake the feeling that I was a very bad person and that somehow my son knew all about this. I saw my Father very little and he was elderly so I had never expected any help, he lived 200 odd miles away where I had grown up. My close friends that would have been in a position to support were all there as well, All the friends I had loccally were work friends so they weren't in a position to help. My husband had no paternity leave as he was due to start a new job the morning that our son was born. My mother in law came to stay for a few days and although it was great to have her around it highlighted that my mother wasn't there. I also had problems with breast feeding and my little boy lost too much weight so we had to go back to hospital. This made me feel a failure and heightend my anxiety even more. However most staff I encountered were lovely. I am a perfectionist and always feel I have to do things well. I am generally quite a sensitive soul and always feel I have to prove myself. I worry if people dont like me so probably my self esteem is not too great. As someone else suggested I feel sure this is a factor in pni development. The feeling of being completely out of control and not having any idea about how to manage a baby and the chaos that they bring was overwhelming. All the above were major factors in my pni. My son is now nearly 13 months old he is happy and healthy and I am feeling the best I have since he was born. I stopped taking anti depressants at the begining of December and touch wood , so far am doing ok. I still have The Dreaded thoughts sometimes but I just try and let them go. Although I would dearly love him to have a brother or sister in the future it will be when we have moved back amongst my close friends and I feel I have a good support system around me. Sorry this has gone on longer than I thought. Heidi xx
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Post by Sarah jane on Jan 23, 2009 1:12:27 GMT
Hi i also had a termination at a very young age and what i thought i had left it in the past it has certainly come to resurfance in my pni.Its so upsetting i also had thoughts that my little girl some how knows and that im going to go to hell for having done that,when i gave birth to my babygirl,i suddenly felt so awful about the unborn baby i aborted but i was to young to have a baby then and my mother made sure i had a termination as i wasnt ready to be a mum i was only 14.It brakes my heart everytime i have dreaded thoughts i look at my beautiful 9 month old babygirl and i feel so so guilty as if i had of had that baby he/she would be 6years old now im only 20 myself.Even though it was for the best,it doesnt stop the pain i feel inside and i definatly see this as a factor in me having pni now.x
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Post by cheshire on Jan 23, 2009 8:31:00 GMT
Dear Heidi,
Thanks for sharing your story - it's so good to hear that you are starting to feel better x
Hopefulx
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nikki
New Member
Posts: 27
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Post by nikki on Feb 4, 2009 21:58:02 GMT
I think my biggest factor was lack of support from midwife at birth (made me feel bad for asking for an epidural so I had to go without any pain relief) and being made to feel like a bad mum by my HVs. They told me that she was too fat and that I need to cut her milk etc. That really upset me and now I look back I can see that she was a chubby baby but they didn't measure her height which would have been a big factor. She is now 19 months and is running off any baby fat she had anyway. I had asked for the support of my HV when I was diagnosed with PNI and they misplaced my details so I didn't get any contact for 4 weeks by which time my gp had helped and referred me to a psychiatrist.
Other factors were my history of anxiety which kicked in after the above, moving home, getting married and going back to work all within 1 year.
Next time I will try to relax during my pregnancy and birth. Plus I won't be bullied at birth and won't have any dealings with HVs as mother knows best anyway!! Hopefully PNI will not return.....well fingers crossed!!
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sarahjane
Full member
I will get through this for my baby girl who is 2years old and baby im expecting :)
Posts: 131
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Post by sarahjane on Feb 4, 2009 22:09:41 GMT
Hi nikki,yeah i totally agree with you now i know how badly i was treated by hospital staff! I certainly wont be putting up with it next time i have a baby! x
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ingleby
Full member
My son is aged 3 years in July. Offically diagnosed with PNI when he was six months old.
Posts: 84
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Post by ingleby on Mar 1, 2009 12:16:23 GMT
Hi,
There have been a number of factors why I think I have got PNI.
First the pregnancy and how hard it was and how unprepared I was for how hard it was going to be. Also the stress and physical exhaustion I had from working in my job which I received no support for, from anyone. This includes the GP, midwives and my manager and regional manager who I all either wrote to or spoke to on numerous occasions about the problems I was having. The GP wrote me off sick only I didn't realise how little sick pay was and this added to my stress as I felt trapped in a job I hated and there was no way I could afford to get out of it. I eventually took for maternity leave earlier then planned (I started having contractions and my son nearly came early and he was really underweight) which is having an impact on now as I have to go back to work when I'm not really ready too and back to the same job.
I had other medical problems when I was pregnant with my breasts bleeding and I had to go to the breast clinic and it was awful. You have to go in on your own and there was a consultant, a student doctor and two nurses in there and you have to get them out for all to see and then he wrote it off as hormones after I waited 12 weeks to get an appointment to see him. I was in there 10 minutes and felt like a lab rat cos I was pregnant and they hadn't seen a pregnant woman in there before or something!!! He didn't even speak to me really he was too busy prodding me and explaining stuff to the student doctor. They didn't ask me if it was OK to have a student doctor in the room or even warn me that many people would be coming in. Then they all left as soon as they had come in and I felt humiliated. This was the start of my long relationship with incompetent and unempathic health care professionals which is still carrying on to this day!!!
The ante natal classes what I had two hours with about 50 other couples were a joke. It was all about having a natural, vaginal birth which we were lead to believe was what most women had. They said there wasn't time to go into other types of births and that there was no point as this were really rare!!! We were told to try and avoid trying any drugs as this was bad for the baby and use the birthing ball and water pool and you'd be fine!!! God if I'd known then what I know now I dread to think what I would have said to the bloody stupid women running the class!!!
It's like other people have said you are totally unprepared for the whole pregnancy, birth and looking after a demanding baby experience.
I now know I had SPD when I was pregnant but although I saw the GP, midwife and physio about this none of them diagnosed it and I was given a crappy support belt to wear but my son didn't like me wearing it and kicked me to death so I couldn't wear it.
I won't go into the details of the birth here as it is a long story. But I was in labour for 22 hours and my son got trapped behind my bladder which I couldn't empty and I told the midwife but no one did anything about it until it was too late, he had turned into a difficult position and his heart rate started dropping. The midwives I had were unsympathic and they were really short staffed at hospital so I hardly saw them as they were looking after so many women at same time. My mum had to keep going and finding the midwife. When I first came in she said to me 'you won't be able to cope with the pain your only 2cm and already you can't cope!!!' So she gave me some pethidine, even though I stated on my birth plan I wanted to try have a natural birth but I thought she's the professional and she says I can't cope so I said I'd have it. I couldn't go in the birthing pool so they took me down to early labour ward for a bath but then I got to 8cm so I didn't get my bath as they rushed me back to delivery. Eventually they gave me the decision of forceps or caesarean and I had heard horror stories about both so I didn't want either but I decided to go with the forceps which I didn't really know anything about. I was put up in stirrups which was unbearable with my SPD and then my contractions stopped and it was just a night mare but eventually they got my son out and he was OK.
The after care at the hospital was disgusting. They were so short staffed I was taken for a bath after the birth and I lost loads of blood and was so drugged up. They left me in the bathroom and no one came back to get me so I was wandering around labour ward disoriented not knowing where my son and boyfriend were. It just went from bad to worse there was no communication between the staff they didn't know if my son had been given his vitamin K injection then the nurse had a go at me cos I said I didn't know. I mean I was hardly with it!!! Then they wheeled me to maternity but then had to take me back to delivery because they forget to do the checks on me they are suppose to do. The room still had my blood and sick all over it and it stunk but we had to wait there for hours before someone came to take me to maternity ward.
The midwife on the maternity ward was horrible she gave me crappy paracemol for the pain and had a go at me for saying I had treatment for my piles then said it was the wrong stuff. Then the next midwife on shift said it was the right stuff. The staff just contradicted each other. I had real problems with breastfeeding my son as he was jaundice and so drugged up he wouldn't wake up to fed. They tried to keep me in the hospital longer as they said they didn't trust me feeding him but I insisted on leaving because I couldn't stand it in there any longer!!! They made me feed him before I was allow to leave so they could check I was doing it right which was so degrading and unsupportive just in their attitudes.
I had so many problems after the birth with infections and I had retained plancenta which they didn't discover till 7 weeks afterwards and I had to go for D & C which I hated because I didn't want to anywhere near that hospital again!! I saw three midwives and four different GP before getting referred back to hospital for a scan, where I had to have two scans a week apart before they found out what was wrong. One GP said to me when I went in because I couldn't walk I was having such bad contraction pains (I thought I was giving birth again) she said I just had an urine infection and to take flaming paracemol.
I'm still having health problems. I've finally been diagnosed with SPD and post natal depression seven months after the birth. I was sent for counselling for birth trauma but the sessions were stopped after 2 because the counsellor said I need long term therapy. I've had 10 - 15 internals and swabs done and about 20 courses of antibiotics all of which haven't sorted out the problem yet. They are sending me for another ultrasound scan to investigate. I've been referred to the CPN for a mental health assessment which is on Wed. I see the health visitor for listening sessions once a week now which starts tomorrow. I'm on the waiting list for counselling with MIND because the waiting list on the NHS is 6 - 18 months!!! The consultant I was seeing at the hospital has retired my GP found this out when she tried to email her about following me up!!! I see the physio every two weeks for ultrasound treatment and she gives me exercises to do for my SPD.
I don't know out of all that lot which was the biggest contributing factor. My son has also had a lot of health problems and is a really difficult baby to look after but he is getting better slowly but surely. I think this is due to what we went through as it has had an impact on him also. I had a lot of problems with breast feeding but after the experience at the breast clinic and the fact they said I probably wouldn't be able to breast feed I was determine to do it and it has paid off as I'm still feeding my son myself now. I was lucky that the health visitor referred me to see a breast feeding counsellor who was great and I really think they should have more of them available. I set up a breast feeding support group at the local children's centre because there is hardly any support for women where I live. They do have a group now for women with PND which is called 'me time'. I started there last week. So although there is some good support out there now accessing them is difficult and I found you really have to pester health professionals to be taken seriously and get any kind of referral.
I mean that crappy Edinburgh scale thing they give you to fill out after the birth which is sup to assess PND is just stupid. My health visitor said not many women tell the truth on it as they are scared that there babies will be taken off them. I said to my GP I find it hard telling her anything but have to to get some help but I still think in back of my mind can't trust health professionals and that they will try and take my son away.
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Post by winegirl on Mar 14, 2009 19:01:44 GMT
Hi Ingleby
Your birth story is practically identical to mine! SPD, baby in funny postion, heart stopping because of babys position, forceps, CRAP after care with no bed bath (hubby had to change my sheets in the end?
I totally sympathise with you and agree fully that all this will have contributed I think to PNI.
Well done for writing it all done here, It can be difficult but also theraputic too xx
Take Care
WG xx
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