Post by Veritee on Feb 4, 2005 16:50:51 GMT
Ground rules for using this forum
Use of the Forum Suggestions and debate section
First of all the Suggestions and debate section will only be open for members to post - guest status will not be allowed here.
All other non pass worded sections are open to all, guests, members, and moderators
Any posts critical of either the forum, members within it even if they are not named but their actions criticised that are posted else where will be moved to the suggestions section and after consideration if felt they would be detrimental to the forum or consist of criticism or complaint rather than suggestion and constructive criticism - they will be deleted and you will be asked to e mail me any complaints directly to me.
Acceptable use of the forum
Participants on the forum should respect each other and each others views at all times.
Please remember that many who use the forum come on here first when they are in crisis and women with PNI are very sensitive and even mild criticism can have a major effect on how they feel.
You may be feeling down, sad, desperate, angry or critical but remember that those you are talking to may be feeling like this also. Try not to say anything that would upset you, to others.
Verbal abuse or even personal criticism is not acceptable.
You may not like someone’s style, what they talk about or how they talk about it .
But if you can not say anything supportive or constructive to them about this – then it is best not said on here. You do not have to respond to every posts or to everyone. There very well could be some who you never respond to - this is allowed as we can not all be all things to all people, and everyone will get a response.
I want to request that everyone who uses the forum uses it predominately, either for their own support concerning PNI or the direct support of others concerning PNI.
Please be sensible in your interpretation of this - of course you can post about your babies health or a problem with your car, sex, relationships etc, but use your discretion to make sure that the purpose of this post is for your support or to support others.
If everyone gets on with the job of using this forum for support for themselves and supporting those they feel they can support and leave alone threads and topics that are not helpful to them - then we should all get what we need from it.
Leave the job of managing the forum to myself and to a lesser degree the moderators.
Suggestions verses criticism
We are happy to hear your suggestions when signed on as members and in this section only, but suggestions and even constructive criticism is very different from plain criticism.
It is fine that you suggest that there is currently too much bantering threads and not enough formally supportive threads going on - or indeed visa versa that the forum is too serious for the form of support you need and you would prefer it to be more chatty
Or it is also fine to say you would like threads such as sex in a different section ir even o pass worded for those who want to use it. We could always take a vote on it? ( poll) if something is voted on - you must accept the views of the majority.
But direct criticism is not helpful and out of the question. Sometimes if you can not say something in a constructive way it is best not to say them at all.
Complaints
If you feel you have a genuine complaint the only way these will get addressed and listened to – is if you e mail them to me either using your member name or otherwise identify yourself.
I may then discuss what you have said with moderators or even the advisors. But the final decision is up to me.
Moderators/Administration section
I will be forming a pass worded Moderators Administration section so that moderators have a place to discuss these types of issues and complaints and to offload themselves. I may in the future open this up to Advisors, I am not yet certain of this.
Personal Messaging
I would prefer that all usage of the forum took place openly on the forum but I accept that some may need reassurance from me or others via PM, or have issues they do not feel able to yet to discuss in the forum or that they PMs can be used constructively to reassure people, send a message of good luck or support.
I am not saying that PM can not be used to get reassurance that something you said on a post was reasonable, or if something someone said hurt or upset you to discuss your feelings with someone you trust as we all sometimes need to check things out with someone you think can help get it into perspective.
But there is a difference between this and a sort of virtual ‘talking behind others backs’ and using personal messaging to form sub groups against others on the forum or using virtual messaging to say something undermining to a person.
I am not saying that anyone is doing this – but I need to ensure this does not happen.
So I would ask you to be careful about the use of PM. Ie use your discretion and common sense. This facility is not their to criticise anyone or talk about another member. I can withdraw it if I have to.
Any abuse of PMs should be reported to me via e mail and I will talk to those concerned via e mail and try to come to some sort of resolution.
Contact via Email Phone and MSN, ICQ
The forum its self does not run any ongoing phone or MSN/ICQ support, although we do offer extra support on an individual basis from time to time using these methods by myself and moderator.
If I moderator takes on this role as part of their voluntary work as a moderator on this forum - this should be agreed beforehand and monitored
but this is and the only other contact other than the forum that is part of the PNI.Org Project is the chat room and e mail support partners , see www.pni.org.uk/form.htm
There has been much debate on this subject over the years - whether outside contact by members should be encouraged?
The conclusion we have come to is we can not stop women making friends and supporting each other 'unofficially' outside this forum via email, MSN, etc - and nor would we want to -
However we do urge that before anyone starts to get to know anyone outside this forum in any way that they get to know this person well on the forum first!
The forum is relatively safe as everyone can read everything each party says and I and the moderators can monitor what is said so that nothing is hurtful, or personally abusive, ( even by accident or said deliberately ) and no one actually tries to harm or upset another.
I know on first reading this may seem to be over the top - but this is said from experience..
On the whole this forum is a very safe and supportive place, but you only have to read other forums to find that at times not all forums are as many people go on forums to vent their anger and basically to 'have a go' and this does happen even on forums set up to support its members.
I was on another support group recently where this type of exchange happened and it is only because myself and our 'team' monitor this forum almost 24/7 to ensure that this does not happen here and when it does it is dealt with constructively for all concerned - that this forum is kept safe
and we can not monitor what happens outside the forum.
This forum in one form of another has been running a very long time and we have learnt that on the internet not everyone is who they say they are, or has good intentions and you can never tell!
Women have been hurt 'behind the scenes through links they have met on this forum and this has been deliberate not always was this intentional at all.
We have to remember that when women come on here they are often very ill, upset and distressed, angry and resentful and also very sensitive
It has happened when women who are quite ill have taken on to much and promised too much in terms for support of another, or another’s values or anger or issues have triggered a strong reaction in someone else - when this has happened women have actually exchanged angry word sand felt they could no longer even use this forum as this is where they met the other. Women were hurt!
This happened only last year twice ( different people, different incidents) within a groups of members on here who formed friendships outside via internet chat programs like MSN and e - mail and for some regular phone calls
and for some members what happened was so upsetting they left never to come back - and this does concern this forum as they would never have met without the forum!
( I am sorry if this stirs up feelings for any involved - please understand I am not trying to do this - I am just trying to explain our policy on relationships formed and continued outside the forum between those who met on this forum)
It is very hard to control what happens once someone has met on here - and while whether people meet outside this forum their business
However because they may have met on here though we unfortunately have to make it clear that our policy is:
The only 'outside ' contact - other than in the forum - that we actually can endorse and be responsible for and try to sort out if things go wrong
Is contact made through our e mail support partner’ system and in our site chat room.
General Attitudes
Please try to be courteous and polite to all members at all times, do not judge and do not patronise and try at all times to be constructive in what you say. Understand also that there is more than one way of looking at any issue and we are all entitled to our opinion.
However as you will know from your own experiences women with PNI are very sensitive to criticism and negativity, and none of us need this as we are more than capable of knocking or criticizing ourselves and do not need this right now from others.
What we all need is a non judgmental, understanding polite, warm and courteous response to what we post and that we should all ensure we give this response back.
This may seem like a tall order as we are just ordinary women. But we can try; it helps if before you say something you try to consider what you would feel like if it was said to you. If you still want to say it and think it is a valid point and you mean it constructively, try rephrasing it, this can really help you to say what you want to say without causing offence
We can not all like every one, so if you find you do not like someone’s approach or attitude when it directly affects you in a post specifically to you, then by all means say if you need to that you felt their post to you was patronising or in some other way not helpful, but if you can not resolve it, just realise we can try to be helpful to each other but this is all you can ask that we all try – we can not change who were are just for this forum.
If it does not directly affect you I suggest you leave it to me or the moderators as to whether anything need to be said. If you are really concerned by all means e mail me about it, but any action taken or not is up to me in consultation with the moderators.
I wish I did not have to write these guidelines – but it has obviously become necessary.
Veritee
Revisions:
Jan 04
Dec 04
04/02/05
Use of the Forum Suggestions and debate section
First of all the Suggestions and debate section will only be open for members to post - guest status will not be allowed here.
All other non pass worded sections are open to all, guests, members, and moderators
Any posts critical of either the forum, members within it even if they are not named but their actions criticised that are posted else where will be moved to the suggestions section and after consideration if felt they would be detrimental to the forum or consist of criticism or complaint rather than suggestion and constructive criticism - they will be deleted and you will be asked to e mail me any complaints directly to me.
Acceptable use of the forum
Participants on the forum should respect each other and each others views at all times.
Please remember that many who use the forum come on here first when they are in crisis and women with PNI are very sensitive and even mild criticism can have a major effect on how they feel.
You may be feeling down, sad, desperate, angry or critical but remember that those you are talking to may be feeling like this also. Try not to say anything that would upset you, to others.
Verbal abuse or even personal criticism is not acceptable.
You may not like someone’s style, what they talk about or how they talk about it .
But if you can not say anything supportive or constructive to them about this – then it is best not said on here. You do not have to respond to every posts or to everyone. There very well could be some who you never respond to - this is allowed as we can not all be all things to all people, and everyone will get a response.
I want to request that everyone who uses the forum uses it predominately, either for their own support concerning PNI or the direct support of others concerning PNI.
Please be sensible in your interpretation of this - of course you can post about your babies health or a problem with your car, sex, relationships etc, but use your discretion to make sure that the purpose of this post is for your support or to support others.
If everyone gets on with the job of using this forum for support for themselves and supporting those they feel they can support and leave alone threads and topics that are not helpful to them - then we should all get what we need from it.
Leave the job of managing the forum to myself and to a lesser degree the moderators.
Suggestions verses criticism
We are happy to hear your suggestions when signed on as members and in this section only, but suggestions and even constructive criticism is very different from plain criticism.
It is fine that you suggest that there is currently too much bantering threads and not enough formally supportive threads going on - or indeed visa versa that the forum is too serious for the form of support you need and you would prefer it to be more chatty
Or it is also fine to say you would like threads such as sex in a different section ir even o pass worded for those who want to use it. We could always take a vote on it? ( poll) if something is voted on - you must accept the views of the majority.
But direct criticism is not helpful and out of the question. Sometimes if you can not say something in a constructive way it is best not to say them at all.
Complaints
If you feel you have a genuine complaint the only way these will get addressed and listened to – is if you e mail them to me either using your member name or otherwise identify yourself.
I may then discuss what you have said with moderators or even the advisors. But the final decision is up to me.
Moderators/Administration section
I will be forming a pass worded Moderators Administration section so that moderators have a place to discuss these types of issues and complaints and to offload themselves. I may in the future open this up to Advisors, I am not yet certain of this.
Personal Messaging
I would prefer that all usage of the forum took place openly on the forum but I accept that some may need reassurance from me or others via PM, or have issues they do not feel able to yet to discuss in the forum or that they PMs can be used constructively to reassure people, send a message of good luck or support.
I am not saying that PM can not be used to get reassurance that something you said on a post was reasonable, or if something someone said hurt or upset you to discuss your feelings with someone you trust as we all sometimes need to check things out with someone you think can help get it into perspective.
But there is a difference between this and a sort of virtual ‘talking behind others backs’ and using personal messaging to form sub groups against others on the forum or using virtual messaging to say something undermining to a person.
I am not saying that anyone is doing this – but I need to ensure this does not happen.
So I would ask you to be careful about the use of PM. Ie use your discretion and common sense. This facility is not their to criticise anyone or talk about another member. I can withdraw it if I have to.
Any abuse of PMs should be reported to me via e mail and I will talk to those concerned via e mail and try to come to some sort of resolution.
Contact via Email Phone and MSN, ICQ
The forum its self does not run any ongoing phone or MSN/ICQ support, although we do offer extra support on an individual basis from time to time using these methods by myself and moderator.
If I moderator takes on this role as part of their voluntary work as a moderator on this forum - this should be agreed beforehand and monitored
but this is and the only other contact other than the forum that is part of the PNI.Org Project is the chat room and e mail support partners , see www.pni.org.uk/form.htm
There has been much debate on this subject over the years - whether outside contact by members should be encouraged?
The conclusion we have come to is we can not stop women making friends and supporting each other 'unofficially' outside this forum via email, MSN, etc - and nor would we want to -
However we do urge that before anyone starts to get to know anyone outside this forum in any way that they get to know this person well on the forum first!
The forum is relatively safe as everyone can read everything each party says and I and the moderators can monitor what is said so that nothing is hurtful, or personally abusive, ( even by accident or said deliberately ) and no one actually tries to harm or upset another.
I know on first reading this may seem to be over the top - but this is said from experience..
On the whole this forum is a very safe and supportive place, but you only have to read other forums to find that at times not all forums are as many people go on forums to vent their anger and basically to 'have a go' and this does happen even on forums set up to support its members.
I was on another support group recently where this type of exchange happened and it is only because myself and our 'team' monitor this forum almost 24/7 to ensure that this does not happen here and when it does it is dealt with constructively for all concerned - that this forum is kept safe
and we can not monitor what happens outside the forum.
This forum in one form of another has been running a very long time and we have learnt that on the internet not everyone is who they say they are, or has good intentions and you can never tell!
Women have been hurt 'behind the scenes through links they have met on this forum and this has been deliberate not always was this intentional at all.
We have to remember that when women come on here they are often very ill, upset and distressed, angry and resentful and also very sensitive
It has happened when women who are quite ill have taken on to much and promised too much in terms for support of another, or another’s values or anger or issues have triggered a strong reaction in someone else - when this has happened women have actually exchanged angry word sand felt they could no longer even use this forum as this is where they met the other. Women were hurt!
This happened only last year twice ( different people, different incidents) within a groups of members on here who formed friendships outside via internet chat programs like MSN and e - mail and for some regular phone calls
and for some members what happened was so upsetting they left never to come back - and this does concern this forum as they would never have met without the forum!
( I am sorry if this stirs up feelings for any involved - please understand I am not trying to do this - I am just trying to explain our policy on relationships formed and continued outside the forum between those who met on this forum)
It is very hard to control what happens once someone has met on here - and while whether people meet outside this forum their business
However because they may have met on here though we unfortunately have to make it clear that our policy is:
The only 'outside ' contact - other than in the forum - that we actually can endorse and be responsible for and try to sort out if things go wrong
Is contact made through our e mail support partner’ system and in our site chat room.
General Attitudes
Please try to be courteous and polite to all members at all times, do not judge and do not patronise and try at all times to be constructive in what you say. Understand also that there is more than one way of looking at any issue and we are all entitled to our opinion.
However as you will know from your own experiences women with PNI are very sensitive to criticism and negativity, and none of us need this as we are more than capable of knocking or criticizing ourselves and do not need this right now from others.
What we all need is a non judgmental, understanding polite, warm and courteous response to what we post and that we should all ensure we give this response back.
This may seem like a tall order as we are just ordinary women. But we can try; it helps if before you say something you try to consider what you would feel like if it was said to you. If you still want to say it and think it is a valid point and you mean it constructively, try rephrasing it, this can really help you to say what you want to say without causing offence
We can not all like every one, so if you find you do not like someone’s approach or attitude when it directly affects you in a post specifically to you, then by all means say if you need to that you felt their post to you was patronising or in some other way not helpful, but if you can not resolve it, just realise we can try to be helpful to each other but this is all you can ask that we all try – we can not change who were are just for this forum.
If it does not directly affect you I suggest you leave it to me or the moderators as to whether anything need to be said. If you are really concerned by all means e mail me about it, but any action taken or not is up to me in consultation with the moderators.
I wish I did not have to write these guidelines – but it has obviously become necessary.
Veritee
Revisions:
Jan 04
Dec 04
04/02/05
