rach
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Posts: 145
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Post by rach on Mar 23, 2005 1:58:32 GMT
well it has happened again! why do men make you feel its a duty to have sex!!!!! thought hubby was being to nice today, should have known, he cant just be loving in a none sexual way, he started this morning as i woke up asking if he could have his "leg over" i have asked him not to book appointments for it, and why he cant just woo me so to speak but no he then goes on and on and on, and before i know it im being proded in the back . is it just my husband who thinks that this would be a turn on and that it can be classed as foreplay? i have tried to talk to him about it but is always falls on deaf ears. i do love him, and wish that i was "more in the mood" but i don't. i have one the same as many of you have prob done the faking it, and i have done the opp thinking that if i lie still close my eyes and let him get on that he would be to embaresed to continue and this then might make him talk, but can you believe him he just carrys on. sorry to go on but he is now a sleep its 2 am and i had to have a rant. i can not sleep now!! and no one is here to talk to.
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rach
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Post by rach on Mar 23, 2005 3:46:48 GMT
well its 3 45 am and i am still sitting here
can not sleep and dont know how will cope in the morning when the little wakes as will be naked
bored and lonely
rach
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Hayley
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Hi im Hayley im 23 and have been suffering with pnd since nov 03, i have a little girl born oct 03
Posts: 86
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Post by Hayley on Mar 23, 2005 11:43:36 GMT
hi rach,
I know how you feel, my partner is like that to , i think they only think about one thing!!!!! getting there leg over...... I have just started to say no, i feel bad about it but i shouldent its how i feel. You shouldent do it if you dont want to or feel like it ,its a thing couples do and i dont understand how they cant see that. anyway this is how i feel about it
sorry getting carried away hope this helps in some way.
xx
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rach
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Post by rach on Mar 25, 2005 20:11:19 GMT
thanks hayley
didn't go to bed till after 4 am that morning
guess i just had to hve a ramble
luv rach
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supernature
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on the meds and my edges have been smoothed
Posts: 76
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Post by supernature on Mar 25, 2005 21:14:52 GMT
You know what, my hubby was exactly the same and I would do exactly the same as you, just let him get on with it, only i would start saying 'aren't you finished yet' and sighing heavily with boredom, just to bug him, sometimes it worked and he stopped, mostly not though.
men listen to what you say but they don't hear what you say.... its a genetic thing i think.
You see they are out of the child caring situation most of the time, they are either at work, or asleep, and we have to deal with it, so their lives don't really change in that respect and they feel that the bedroom scene shouldn't change either, they don't think about how stressed you have been during the day nor how tired you are because you are up looking after little ones.... they just don't know what it is like. I have a male friend, who does know because he did it as a lone parent for 14 yrs, he's the only man i know who understands....
Wouldn't it be nice if all men did. Not much help I know, but just to let you know that you aren't alone there I've been through it too with mine, my sex drive has recovered so yours will too, it's not perfect, but hey, I'm mostly a lone parent now anyway so it happens when I want which is nicer i think.
thinking of you
Jude
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rach
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Post by rach on Mar 25, 2005 21:56:22 GMT
thanks
its good to know your not alone i sometimes think im an awful person,and that im unfair to him but your right tony works 8am till 8pm and then watchs tele before bath and bed
i dont think he realises what i do, but he does not what i don't do.
he has never really helped that much and has been harder work than ethan at times, unfort he did nt do night feeds and has never got up during the night
he doesn;t even take ethan out on his own.
anyway sorry for going on a bit.
thank you again
love rach
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supernature
Full member
on the meds and my edges have been smoothed
Posts: 76
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Post by supernature on Mar 26, 2005 11:19:49 GMT
Hi, rach
Take the initiative here hun, when he starts prodding you in the back say 'no, i don't get turned on by that' then go on to tell him exactly what he has to do to make you 'feel like it' and then make him do it, give him the ultimatum, either do it my way, or we don't do it at all.
When I started to tell Malc how I felt about that and what he had to do to make it better, it slowly did happen, not to say that he hasn't relapsed, but hey it was a start, and our sex life is better than before, but that probably has something to do with the fact that we actually don't live together as much as what i said.
He also got a little angry about it to start so be prepared for that, men think we are attacking their viriity when we assert ourselves in the bedroom, but once malc had realised that it meant sex for often for him he seemed to accept that he had to work a bit harder for it.
Try it, what can you lose, he will either try or he won't.
Hope it works out
Jude
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Jane
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The Long Time Sufferer I'm 38, had pni for 6 yrs & I have 2 gorgeous boys age nearly 4 & 6
Posts: 131
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Post by Jane on Mar 26, 2005 19:45:02 GMT
Hiya Rach, I can empathise with you so much. I suppose I'm lucky in a way that my fella doesn't prod me in the back although he is always telling me now how important sexual contact is in a relationship. The thing is mine always says the same thing "Do ya fancy it then?"(When we have oportunity!) Thats a great turn on....not! I've told him its just got to be spontaneous. But our problem is the loving in between the times we do eventually have sex. I must admit that when we do it is good, its the in between bit that goes wrong cause we don't seem to hold or hug each other so if, & when next time comes round it would be more spontaneous (does that sound right, or a load of waffle?) Don't ever think you are awful cause you're not at all. Being a mother is one of the hardest things to do, doing everything around the house as well, & suffering with PNI is harder than any job I can think of. Try what Jude says it sounds a good idea. Keep us posted, & you're not going on a bit, get it off your chest, I do, I'm terrible!! Thinkin but ya LoveJane x
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Post by time on Mar 26, 2005 23:18:26 GMT
I know one thing that men dont seem to understand is the maternal instinct. Maybe it is just me but in a lot of cases i feel as though i am a mother first and foremost. My children never asked to be born - we decided to have them (ours were all planed children) and therefore i feel that my primary responsibility is to them. Dont get me wrong i love my hubby to bits and would be lost without him but i dont think that they realise about the maternal instinct and how off putting it is when you have a child crying in the next room and that things just have to stop because your brain has switched into mummy mode. Maybe this is way off base but that is how i find things.
Time
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rach
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Post by rach on Mar 27, 2005 0:40:21 GMT
hiya
i think your right.
thank you
love rach
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Post by francoise on Mar 27, 2005 20:09:01 GMT
isnt sex the pits sometimes , i hate it , even the thought of it makes me heave ,im on the pill to but still finding excuses not to do it , just dont want to , i was reading a book on pni and it mentions depression causing low sex drive and u know putting on weight in pni is more common than losing it and yet other forms of depression are more common to lose weight , its interesting isnt it the concept of food being a comfort to us but sex being a repulsion to us
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Jane
Full member
The Long Time Sufferer I'm 38, had pni for 6 yrs & I have 2 gorgeous boys age nearly 4 & 6
Posts: 131
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Post by Jane on Mar 27, 2005 20:24:34 GMT
Fran, Your so right about food being a comfort & the lack of sex drive being related to PNI. I'm due, its bout here, so I keep tellin him I am! I'm sick of having to make excuses not to hurt his feelings cause they feel so rejected , men don't they? Love Jane x
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Post by francoise on Mar 27, 2005 20:29:24 GMT
yeah to be honest im so deep in the world of thre grim reaper and dark clouds that it doesnt even come into my head that he might be feeling abit let out , luckily ive not been like that all the time though but certainly am at mo
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Jane
Full member
The Long Time Sufferer I'm 38, had pni for 6 yrs & I have 2 gorgeous boys age nearly 4 & 6
Posts: 131
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Post by Jane on Mar 27, 2005 20:37:13 GMT
Oh Fran babe, Didn't realise its that bad at mo hun, sorry. My cloud came over other night, although its not totally disappeared I can manage to try & fight it off now within a few days. I suppose I'm the lucky one. Really hope you get some strength babe & fight this dam thing!! I'm with you, honestly. Its a battle every day to some I know, & its terrible. You're so funny & witty you really pick me up so I hope I can for you my love!! With ya & thinkin bout you Jane xxxx
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Post by time on Mar 28, 2005 19:04:08 GMT
I definately think that the lack of sex drive is caused by pni. I remember with my others that i never felt in the mood but once it started to go it was like the world was a brighter, clearer place and i wanted my hubby back. Needless to say he wasnt complaining. This may sound unbelievable but i can asure you that it will return one day and you will be glad that you are on the pill when it does.
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