no sex drive at all!!

[gilly]

i have no notion what so ever to have sex, i love my OH very much and we are very close, we cuddle and kiss but if he tries to tuch me i totally freak. it makes me feel so bad and he has been fantastic about it all we have done it 2 times since LO was born 17 months ago.

i have thought it may be my meds but when i asked my CPN bout this she said people on antds usually want it all the time so it cant be that. what do you think is there something wrong with me?

myOH must feel like i am scared of him or something as i feel myself jump and cant move when he touches me.

any help or advise would be greatfully recieved!!

Gillyxxx

[winegirl]

Ditto! My LO is 21 months and i still freeze if OH trys to tuch me! I have talked about it to my mental health worker but she just doesnt seem to have the answer. I thing we have had sex about 3 times since LO was born, so as you can imagine, there is plenty of frustration in our house!

Gilly if I find the answers i will let you know. I also jump when OH touches me, you are really not alone xxx

[stevensmummy]

Yeah. I reckon its a common thing. My youngest is 8m now and we've only done it a handful of times. I like you can bear it. We are loving and kiss etc but I just cant go thro with it. I dread bedtime incase he wants it!

I tried to talk to him and appologised but what do you say? I found it really hard to explain. I dont know what to say without offending him!

Sarahxx

[winegirl]

Hi have been dead honest with my OH about how it maks me feel and that i cant explain why i feel like that, but it still causes problems as he thinks that i just dont fancy him etc.. But he is very supportive really, most men would have cleared off by now!

[gizmoracer]

Hi Gilly.

I think its part of the illness. I have to say I am quite surprised at what your CPN said about it to be honest.

I was excatly the same as you have all said and if you search through the other threads on here you will see it is a very common thing. I read your post out to my OH who said yeah tell me about it. Everytime he tried to cuddle me I would jump and freeze. Dispite the feeling that I wanted him to hug me. I also used to dread bedtime when it had got to the stage that we hadn't done it for a while. I think it must be a very hard thing to explain especially when you don't know the reasons for it. Men will automatically think you don't fancy them or are having an affair (they are just as vunerable as us). But like WG has pointed out even when you feel you can talk about it, the feeling of fustration (from the mans point of view) still doesn't ease. Though I think from recent talks with my OH it is probably the best thing to do. At least then you can reassure him that you do still love him and perhaps try and find someway for showing your love for each other in a slightly less physical way.

Personally I can say that my sex drive has gradually come back as I have recovered. I used to drive my OH mad when I went though spurts of wanting it all the time to then going completely cold again once something stressful in my life happened. And certainly since he has started to understand more about PNI now I don't feel the pressure and he doen't put it on me so much which in turn has led to us being more suited in this area.

[gilly]

thank you all so much i just felt like i was abnormal or something but knowing that it is common has made me feel so much more relaxed as you say i will just have to keep trying to talk to OH and help him to understand.

thanx a million once agin.

Gxxx

[monica]

You are not abnormal in any way!

Losing your libido and and hating being touched is very common with PNI - and is made so much worse by antids, which is also very common, so I dont' know what your CPN was on about.

This may sound liek a dumb question but do you have any idea what this could be linked to? The reason why I ask is that sometimes it can stem from a diffiuclt birthor fear of getting pregnant. Also it can be quite simply a symtpom of PNI.

My bf relates any sort of touch, kissing, hugs as a prelude to sex and it can be the same for many men, (I sometimes ask for non-sezual hugs!) so that probably why you dont' liek it when he touches you.


Maybe start off by doing nice things but making it clear it can't lead to sex (if you can bear it obviously), like massages - start by having a foot one then progress, then a joint bath. This might possibly help you to relax without having the pressure of knowing it might lead to sex.

As the other girls have said, keep reenforcing the point to your oh that it isn't that you dont' fancy him anymore, it's just that you don't want to do it.

All the best

Monica

[stevensmummy]

Hi Girls,

Thats quite similar to us Monica. I keep telling him you can massage me and kiss and cuddle as long as you keep it off me lol. I still think that I make him feel bad. Most men seem to not manage to live without sex. I know my OH is similar and just now I'm ultra grumpy so it doesnt help. I seem to enjoy it when we do do it. Its justt he thought of it makes me feel horrible. Almost crawly.

Dont half make you feel guilty tho doesnt it!

Sarah xx

[gilly]

hi

i think that the thought is probably worse than the actual act!! on the one occasion we did enjoy it i thought that i was cured but the next time i could not do it and the same old feeling was back. i am really scared of getting pregnant again eventhough i am on the depo injection, but also i had been bleeding following and i had to go for a wee op to sort that but have not tried again since.

i think it is just my head is so mucked up at the minute that it is that last thing i want to do. my OH has been grate and the other night he suggested that we cuddle in bed with nothing on. it was good to start and he never asked to go any further but i started to feel wierd and like my skin was itchy so i had to get my jammies on and could not sleep after it is just so upsetting.

thank you for your continued support Gxxx

[winegirl]

Hi Gilly

On the odd occasion I have gone to bed in my birthday suit with OH I have always ended up having to put jammies on too. I think I see it as like a protective barrier or something!

I am sure we will all get there eventually babes x

WG x

[stevensmummy]

Hi guys,

I cant say i find that a problem actually. I have never thought about it like that. i never have clothes on in bed, except knickers, and have always been that way unless its really cold.

I guess I can see why you could feel like that tho. With me its habit more than anything. I might try putting my jammies on to see if I feel better about the whole issue!

It is upsetting tho isnt it. I reckon my Oh sees it as a problem although he says its not. I sometimes worry that he might want to go looking elsewhere for it. I'm prob just overreacting tho, but i cant help it.

Sarah xx

[winegirl]

Hi Sarah

I dont think my OH would ever go elsewhere for it, but understandably it is a major problem for him. I have tried to `do the deed' because i feel so bad about it, and i am sorry if this is a bit graphic, but just cant get turned on no matter how hard we try! I have wondered if having an episiotomy has broken everything down there!!

[gilly]

WG just a wee not on the epis thing if that were true when you went for your smear the other day they would have pointed that out and it is very rare for there to actually be broken down there especially cause you didnt tear which as you can emagine without going into to much detail is harder to stitch take it from experience!!!

i have tried to do the deed too but as you say it was pointless as i ended up crying and OH was upset at that thinking it was his fault. sorry again to be graphic but i have even tried myself to get turned on but absolutely nothing so if i cant do it he certainly will not if you know what i mean!!!

thanx again everyone Gxxx

[winegirl]

Thats exactly what I said Gilly, if I cant do it then there is no hope for him! Its certainly a wierd situation, i tried to put it in `blokes' terms to my OH, comparing it to him not having an erection for 22 months. He looked a little pale then but seemed to understand a bit better!

Let there be hope out there for us!! x

[gizmoracer]

Been as we're on the graphic side of things, I have a handy little solution (well it helped me to get started when I wanted to, but my body wasn't willing). Its a lube but don't let that put you off, I found 2 great ways of using this to keep the frustration down. Firstly just a small dab on yourself and you get a realy nice feeling, sort of warm and tingly, trust me it helps and secondly when your not really up for it but feel you should comply a few squirts on your hands and voila an automatic major turn on hand job. Its really good for him, take the pressure off you and shhh gets it over with quickly Take a nose at the link but by the way the discription says odourless its not, actually smells of mint. www.sinful-desire.co.uk/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=1808