Tired of the thoughts

[Cokey]

Hello everyone

I just wondered if you could share some methods you use to distract your mind.

I am a bit tired at the moment and fed up of my mind and its intrusive thoughts. I hate these dark days and spend my time either scared or preoccupied with death and horrible things in the world. I also have a preoccupation with suicide and I am so scared I might lose control and not realise it.

Any shared stories would help.

Thank you.

Cokey xxx

[banana]

hey Cokey.

Im so sorry you are feeling this terrible.

The main thing I find that distracts me is talking to and playing with the bub. I know its difficult to try and be up beat and entertain a little person when you feel down but It helps me if I read to her ( even if she doesnt understand what im saying ) or have a wander round the nursery showing her her toys and stuff. I cant help but feel a bit better when she gives me a big gummy smile because she loves her mummy being silly.
Also I had a massage the other day and it made me feel wonderful afterwards, so relaxed. Listening to music helps to - not lovey dovey sad songs, but party tunes that remind you of good times out with the girls.

Sorry I havnt got a miracle cure but you should try the music thing and have a good sing along.

Take care, and please dont feel like you are alone. Most of all remember you're little ones need you, you are the Mummy!!!

banana xx

[annag]

Cokey
Not good those thoughts are they? Try seeing them out till they reach there logical conclusion. Like if I kill myself my child will be without a mother grow up disturbed traumatised by this do I want to die no. If I hurt someone else I will go to prison my partner will leave me my life will not be worth living. I don't know about you but some of mine are pretty absurd and if I really think about them I have to smile and think not bloody likely is it.
I have also used punishing exercise to try and banish the thoughts. You do get quite a feel good rush if you push yourself to the very edge of what you can bare and you can use it to send the thoughts packing.
Someone once told me to imagine a box squash all the horrible thoughts into it and lock it. Don't ever be tempted to look inside. I couldn't quite visualise this one. Also tell someone your private thoughts they become so much less real if there not secret. You can private message me if you want to do this I promise you I will not be shocked I'll share some of mine if you like.

[lisa1234]

Cokey,

I'm so sorry you are feeling down.

I really do know what you are going through, really I do.

Cokey I'm sure you will not lose control & not realise. Suicide is usually very much a pre-meditated thing and most people who kill themselves plan things & meticulously work out how to do it. I know this as unfortunately my uncle killed himself two years ago & I also spent a year as a volunteer on a crisis helpline and have talked to many people contemplating suicide.

Often we think of suicide as it seems the only alternative to the darkness that we live in. I know how that feels, I have been there.

In terms of the thoughts, it is so hard to stop them taking over I know it is. Anna & Lana have given some great ideas. What I was taught in counselling to deal with negative thoughts was to

1. write down the thought
2. Describe the moods you are feeling & rate the intensity of the mood (0-100%)
3. Write down your automatic thoughts/images by answering questions such as; What does this say about me, what am I afraid will happen, what is the worst things that could happen, etc
4. Write down any factual evidence that supports your initial thought
5. Write down evidence that does not support the thought
6. Write down an alternative or balanced thought. E.g. Looking at all the evidence is there an alternative way of thinking about or understanding the situation?
7. Rate your mood again (this should hopefully decrease) (0-100%)

This is very practical & may not work on your particular thoughts but I always found it helped to deal with my issues.

I have a book called Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger & Christine Padesky where I got this from. It is all about cognitive behaviour therapy & changing the way you think.

I'm not sure if I've been any help but I'm thinking of you Cokey.

take care
Love Lisa xxx

[wendabell]

cokey,
the thoughts thing is a big issue for me too.thinking constantly that my mum is going to die....my hubby is involved in a car crash..........my kids.....well im sure your the same.....
as a distraction though my 5 year old and three year old loves to dance and i have all the early learning centre dance cds and pop party 1 and 2 and the new dance craze cd with dvd on how to do dances like the y.m.c.a.....ketchup song.......macarena etc.....we all get up and have a good dance and a laugh...its not a cure but a good distraction.......yes i even dance the birdie song too.

[lisa1234]

ah your advice sounds much more fun Wendy

...... you don't do agadoo though do you?

[Veritee]

HI Cokey

I wrote this before the other replies and then had to go off and cook and eat dinner so I am sorry if I repeat what others have said - but to avoid typing it out again I decided just to send it as it is.

******************************************

Your post brings back the absolute awfulness of these intrusive thoughts!!
In my case playing with or actually going anywhere near my child did not help as in my case I was not worried I would lose control and kill myself but that I would lose control and kill my baby and perhaps myself!

I would have rather it had been myself but it was not because my thoughts were driven by the fear that I had brought a child into the world when the planet was dieing from the activities of humans. And that it woud be best to kill Caja so she would not go through a horrible death from global warming or whatever when I was no longer around to protect her.

Sounds so mad now – but I know now they were only ever thoughts, I survived and my daughter grew up to be wonderful!
I was never psychotic as I always knew these thoughts were unreasonable and caused by my illness, but they were just so intrusive - so impossible to get out of my head.

I do not know how I would have coped if the tsamie and the current extreme whether had happened when I had PNI as I am sure I would have seen this as evidence I was right!

However whatever the cause these are the things that worked for me


1.go with the thoughts, stare them full in the face - only do this if you feel safe ie someone is with you and you feel confident they can stop you whatever your do
( of course you will not do anything but is makes you feel safe to have someone around your trust like this.) Or you feel strong enough to do this alone.
Take your thoughts as far as they will go to the worse ending possible then work backwards to where it could have gone differently and put a different ending on them.

2. Let the thoughts flow over your - this is not the same as the first as in this one you do not actually concentrate on the thoughts but you just let them go on in the background ie wash over you.
This actually was the best one for me, If in the day time I would often go for a long walk while this was happening in the country with Caja in a front or back pack.

3. Describe to someone else the thoughts as they happen ie I am dropping my baby or walking in front of a car – with them holding your hand – you must really trust this other person. I actually could not do this with my partner as I felt as he had to go back to sea and leave me that to hear how horrible these thoughts were would cause him too much stress when he had to leave me on my own with the baby – but I had one friend who I did this with a couple of times – and a counsellor took me through them like this which really did help.

4. Keep a journal of the thoughts – either on the PC or as I did a bok beside my bed. I later destroyed it but it really helped to write them down as they were happening.

6. Listen to REALLY loud music and try to get completely involved.

7.put on music and dance dance dance

8. go down the pub – last resort really – I live in a small village and the landlord of the time really did not mind if I went in with my baby late in the evening or at lunch time. I do not want to give the impression I did this a lot and small Cornish village pubs are really quite different things from going to pubs in towns etc – but I know this is not at all possible for most and I was left using alcohol for self medication to a degree – so probably I can not recommend this really.

9. throw myself into housework ( that actually I hate)

Sorry re reading this I doubt this is much help and in essence some of them are the same in essence as Lisa and Wendy have written.

I just wanted to write them anyway to say ‘ I am with you tonight with this’

Like others I feel I have been there too.

All the best

Veritee

[wendabell]

yep lisa push pinapple shake a tree...............and the time warp.......etc oh boy what emabarrasing confessions ive come out with tonight sperm i a smear to dancing to agado

[lisa1234]

oh Wendy you do make me laugh! ;D

I'm off to watch Desperate Housewives now. Might pop back after unless I fall asleep.

Lisa xxx

[Vonda]

I don't feel qualified to answer this thread as I am not suicidal - my answer to this was always I am too busy, I wouldn't have the time!

My way of thinking is that I couldn't do that cos my daughter would never know her mother and how much she was loved by her. My husband would be a single parent with no money as he would have to give up his job to look after her. And I would never see the important things like her first boyfriend, her wedding, her first (and all others) baby etc. I have thought of this stuff only because sometimes I was convinced that I would die and they would be left behind. I have too many reasons to live and I am determined to get over this nasty illness.

I hope this helps. Hang in there. We are all here for you.

Vonda

[cokey]

Hi everyone

Thanks so much for your advice. It is funny because all the stuff Lisa went through, my counsellor went through today with me. I just pretended (to be polite) it was all new stuff to me but it was exactly the same.

I think that exercise will be useful but I also think hearing from others that they have felt the same thinsg exactly, like Veritee, helps me as much because I know it will pass with time. It is just such hard work and you feel like you are hanging on by a thread.

Veritee described exactly the way I am thinking and I know that this forum and the support it offers will give me the strength to get over this thing.

PS Wendy, please don't tell me you dance to Cheeky girls? At least not in hotpants!

I am going to a dnace class tonight to see if that knocks some of the demons sidewards for a while.

Thanks everyone.

Cokey xxx

[lisa1234]

Hi Cokey,

I copied it out of my book for you, so they must all use the same source.

I hope the dance class helps to take your mind off things this evening.

Take care

Love Lisa xxx

[Carmen]

Hi Cokey - Dance class is an excellent idea!

I promise - the thoughts will go away. I completely understand what youre going through - I was just talking to my sister earlier in the week and saying that its so good for my head to be cleared of all the crap. It was the only way I had of describing it - just thoughts going around and around and it was like I could never stop thinking. Hard to explain but I know you understand.

I didnt find a cure for them - they have just drifted away by themselves. I did find it so comforting to do yoga and pilates though but as soon as I had finished the thoughts came racing back. To have a break from the thoughts I also found doing things where I had to really concentrate helped. My sister has these hand held games that I would play. You should be able to get them over there. She has boggle, yhatzee and there is a 20 questions one where you think of an object and it asks you questions about it until it guesses. I know they all seem pretty lame but they really helped me on my worst days. I would disapear in my bedroom and play over and over again so I didnt have to be thinking of anything else.

I didnt respond to this at first because I feel for you so much and I was trying to think of something that helped me - I still do the same thing I have explained before to help get me asleep at night - I have a little story made up and keep coming back to it every time my mind starts racing.

I hope this helps a little and we're all thinking of you
Take care
Love Carmen

[wendabell]

cokey yes the cheeky girls too im afraid....cant believe what i confess to some times.....but seriously it does help and i use my kids as an excuse.......but not in hot pants ..what kind of girl do you think i am anyway ;D.......dont answer that please.... .
What kind of dance classes are they........jazzasise....or the birdy song kind.....
Thi chi is also very good for body and spirit as it is all about controlling your body and emotions....helps you to deal with things differently and its the most deadly of martial arts as the movements are so slow when they are speeded up its leathal.....like karate kid wax on wax off.....hubby told me this.......
anyway hope you are feeling better now hunny, really feel for you right now.

[cokey]

Hi everyone

I am feeling a bit better today. The thoughts are still there but I am almost at the stage where I realise they are just that. I do have moments of doubt but I am sure this phase will pass again.

The dance class was hysterical. It is dancercise with Pilates thrown in but the teacher was called Val Fontaine and she was obviously a dancer in the 80s because all the moves were like Jamie Lee Curtis out of film Perfect! It was hard to concentrate because my mind was elsewhere but my sister is going to make me go once a week. Anyway, I slept so well.

I am interested in Thi Chi, sounds really good. Do you do that Wendy?

Heres to getting through this rough patch!

Cokey xxx