caroline
Full member
keep posertive
Posts: 45
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Post by caroline on Feb 13, 2006 23:43:43 GMT
Hi cinders sorry for not replying sooner its just things have been alittle hectic with myself not feeling great ,having to work and sort little one out for school its all go go go i am still taking anti depressants but i think im beginning to accept that im not a failure for taking these as there are many of us in the same situation it doesnt help me that on top of this i had an operation last june to have an ovary removed this was sudden and unexpected have an underactive thyroid which is playing up and now im having problems with my blood sugar so im wondering if i will ever get the old me back or if i just have to accept this is me now.Howevewr i have read that there is no shame in taking anti depressents if it helps you to cope and keeps you on track which at the moment for me this is what i need.Anyway let me know how you are doing and a big hi to everone else hope you are all ok and keep talking its the best medicine its really helped me out.Thanks caroline.
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Post by cinders on Feb 19, 2006 13:09:19 GMT
Hiya Caroline, thanks for the mailie. Lovely to hear from you. Hows things going with you? I hope you're well and finding time to relax a little? Take care of yourself and hope to hear from you soon...love n hugs Cinders xxx
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caroline
Full member
keep posertive
Posts: 45
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Post by caroline on Mar 8, 2006 19:44:17 GMT
hi cinders not doing to bad still have the ups and downs but after a while you get used to dealing with it i guess i have become an expert over the years.Hope everything is OK with you and you are keeping well let me know how things are going i know i don't get as much time on here as i would like but i try my best.Anyway take care luv Caroline.
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Post by twinmummy on Mar 20, 2006 15:10:34 GMT
Here are a few of the things I remember doing in order to help me cope with the intrusive thoughts and images I had during my PNI:- I have put them in the order I remember being able to do them i.e number one I was able to do even when really really unwell, through to the last few I could only do when feeling much stronger. 1) Telling somebody (my mum) immediately that I was having an awful thought. not the exact nature of the thought if I couldn't face saying it out loud, but just that I was having one. 2) Distraction. Getting up and making myself do something, however trivial, whenever the thoughts started. 3) Telling myself I was having a 'waking nightmare' and was no more in control of my thoughts and visions than if I was asleep and dreaming. 4) Whenever possible, I would sit in the same specific place while having the bad thoughts. Like when I was at my mums and the thoughts started I would go into the conservatory with a ciggie, open the back door and focus my eye on something. (this worked well when riding out or challenging the thoughts). 5) Giving in to the thoughts. Just letting them wash over me, not trying to fight them or alter them in any way. Just holding on tight and riding it out. 6) This one sounds silly but did work for me on many occasions. When the thoughts/images came into my head I would imagine them in a cloud then put the cloud in a box, then throw the box away/smash it to pieces...etc. 7) Taking the thoughts/images to the extreme. VERY HARD! When the bad thought came I would grab hold of it and make myself imagine the worst possible scenario. There was then nowhere else for the evil thought to go. I had already taken it to the max. It was 'me' who was in control of 'it' (however awful it was), and not something that was just 'happening' to me. This 'strategy' was v distressing and I could only handle it when I was much stronger, but it really worked in eradicating the thoughts. 8) Last but not least and only when I was in recovery , I used to tell the thoughts/images to 'F*CK *FF'!! Really truly shout at them in my mind and say 'eff off, don't be spoiling my day today'. Hope this doesn't sound a silly one. I know when I was really suffering with the PNI if someone had told me to do this I would have thought 'yeah right like its that bloody easy' but it wouldn't have worked then, only when I was in recovery but still getting the thoughts. Just wanted to share, maybe help. Thanks for listening, twinmummy xxxxxx
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badzoe
New Member
This red thing lives in my head some days...
Posts: 6
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Post by badzoe on May 10, 2006 21:27:03 GMT
I'm new to the site (i've done a message in the 'introduce yourself' section) and I had these 'bad thoughts' with my first child (she's now 3). I can't even bring myself to write down what some of them were but they all involved either me or someone else hurting her in some way. I couldn't understand the thoughts and why I was having them as they would come upon me at times when she wasn't doing something bad, just when I would be changing her nappy or something like that. I'm not sure there is really a way to make them go away I think you just have to realise that they're not really coming from your conscious mind. I would literally stand still for a moment and shake my head to make them go away. I had no other symptoms of PNI and told no-one (the thoughts were too scary to reveal to anyone else). I had never heard of anyone else having them until reading this site tonight. They did stop after a while. Unfortunately they've come back since I had my second baby, a boy, 4 months ago. I'm having the same bad thoughts about my daughter and differrent ones about my son. It's like there's a little disconnected voice inside me that sounds quite rational and normal except the thoughts are not at all what I really think or believe. It's upsetting, but you can sort of come to terms with them afer a while. Perhaps once you realise that you're definitely not going to do any of the things that come into your head. I hope mine don't get too bad this time round. BadZoe xx
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Post by ellenp on Aug 9, 2006 9:11:35 GMT
Just wonder if someone could offer me advice on thoughts I have been suffering from since the birth of my baby in May this year.
I do have PNI though the depression seems to have got much better, it's the thoughts that I find unbearable. Mine are always of a sexual nature and it makes me sick and upset just to type this, but like so many other messages I have read on here, at some point they are so intense I'd really rather not be here anymore. I love my daughter so much, she is all I've ever wanted and these thoughts are ruining these special early weeks with her. I have seen a doctor, but at that time I'd started to feel better so she said I didn't need behaviour therapy, then a few days later I felt the anxiety coming over me and the thoughts start again. Last week I had three good days where I could think something and it wouldn't bother me, and if it doesn't bother me or make me feel anxious and upset then I feel I'm beating them, but it's a viscous cycle as I'll think of something even worse to test how that makes me feel, and if I deal with it without it upsetting me then great and I feel good, but if not I'm back where I started again.
My husband is a great support, and I tell him the nature of the thoughts but don't say what I actually think as I'm too ashamed to tell anyone.
I just wish I understood where they came from and why I keep having them, I just want enjoy this time with my daughter as on the good days everything seems fine and I get an idea of how life can really be.
I don't see to have a particular trigger for the thoughts, and my periods haven't started again yet since I gave birth, I can just make any situation trigger a thought.
Please help.
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naomi
Senior Member
Made it through the long recovery from PP!
Posts: 216
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Post by naomi on Aug 9, 2006 9:22:06 GMT
Dear ellenp
Whilst I haven't experienced thoughts of the same nature, when I was first ill with my daughter I had an incredibly high libido - my husband couldn't believe his luck(!) Hormones are very powerful things, particularly after pregnancy, and you have no reason at all to be ashamed of the thoughts you're having. If you read my story in the puerperal psychosis thread, you'll see that hormones can really mess with your mind. Please be reassured though I am not at all suggesting that you have PP. I think with all forms of PNI the hormones just affect us in different ways.
I'm so glad you were brave enough to air your worries about the thoughts here on the forum. I'm sure there will be others who've had the same who can offer you much support. There is hope though, as your hormones settle down over the next few months I'm sure the intrusive thoughts will ease. Try not to let this spoil precious time with your daughter, although I know that's hard.
We're all here for you, take care Naomi xx
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Post by yoyo on Aug 9, 2006 9:56:37 GMT
EllenP so glad you've foudn this forum - I'm sure it will help you - just to reassure you that you are completely normal and unfortunately the thoughts are a big part of PNI. Some find that they have violent thoughts towards others, others have sexual ones and others get a mixture of all kinds of strange thoughts going on. They do wear you down and tire you out, like a constant battle trying ot stop them all the time - the good news is that eventually they do pass. There are different coping strategies that work for some and often meds or alternative meds, talking therapies etc can help some to find a little relief.
Can I ask - what help and support are you getting?
Take care - tell us how you are doing x Here for you x
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Post by ellenp on Aug 9, 2006 10:48:28 GMT
Thank you so much for replying to me, I really appreciate it, I have another appointment to see a doctor at my local hospital though that's not until September, however, when I'm having an 'up' period I feel so 'normal', so much so that I don't need the appointment.
I meant to mention before, when you have a thought, do you find you try to find a reason for it and constantly think the same thought in order to get rid of it? I find that unless I can think to myself 'no, I definitely wouldn't do that' then it goes round and round in my head until I can, but then it just comes back again anyway?
The trouble is that my mind seems to get stuck and can't give any kind of positive answer, which then leads to another thought, 'well, it must mean that you would do that' etc, the I feel sick and anxious and so it goes on. Have other people experienced this too?
x
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matty
Full member
Posts: 56
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Post by matty on Aug 9, 2006 11:34:49 GMT
Hey Ellenp,
Just to say you have to be strong and you will get over this, the thoughts will go away eventually. My thoughts were different than yours, but they were intrusive and stubborn as well. They were of suicide. I didn't want to die, they seemed not to be my thoughts at all but I couldn't control them, they were just coming and going whenever they wanted to, it was as if some kind of a demon possessed me but It was not hearing voices etc. I started to get really anxious because of that. I would suddenly have the thought : I will jump from the balcony of a building, I knew exactly the place etc. In the same time I DID NOT WANT TO, I had no doubts about it, I preyed for these thoughts to go away but they didn't want to, it was horrible . They passed away in the end, but later, when I was severely depressed and very fed up with the illness, I would want to die, and that time it was my real thoughts, nothing like the ones from before, I felt the difference. I'm sure you will get back to health soon, I agree with Naomi that our hormones go really crazy whilst pregnancy and after birth. Stay strong, thinking of you
x Matty2
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Post by erinjane on Aug 10, 2006 10:18:34 GMT
Hi EllenP, I to hve thoughts of the sme nature. Its so scary isnt it. I suffered from anxiety for some time nd it wasnt untill i started etting the obbsesive thoughts that i got help, although i am still waiting after months to see a counciller and a c.p.n. The thoughts are so horrible and it is so hard to reason with them, or think of any reason you wouldnt do it. Just because you think about it you think there is no dowt tht you will do it. Although you never do it!! Its an entense FEAR that we have. I started to think that i would abuse my children, i even had visions of it happening, and it made me feel so so sick that i just wanted to die, because i didnt want to o on thinking these horrible thoughts. I know how hard it is to tell anyone to. I told my parter tht i kept seeing the kids being abused.. but not by who. Thats what i told the doctor to. So at least they new the nature of what was going on. I have been on the meds about 2 months now with radual increses inbettween and they are helping. The pannick attacks have calmed down and the anxiety, but the thoughts are still there. Not as intense no visions,just words in my head. Im prying they will go soon. Somtimes i just dont want to be near the kids bcause the thoughts seem to get stonger. I hate myself for feelin like this, and wonder how anyone is ever oin to help me. I do get stong feelings of dieing to. The thing is i dont think about doing it or how i would kill myself, just mainly think that noone would care if i wasnt here. The kids are young enough to forget me, and these thoughts go on,and scare the hell out of me.Because i dont want to die. I just want to be happy. Im sorry im not much help to you, but your not alone you can talk to me about this if you want. Maybe we can help each other. Take care love erin xxxx
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Post by erinjane on Aug 10, 2006 10:21:22 GMT
SORRY FOR THE SPELLING JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS MY GGGG DOSNT WORK WELL ON MY KEYBOARD. XXXXXXXX
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Post by ellenp on Aug 10, 2006 17:02:28 GMT
Hi Erin
I do hope we can help each other. My husband had th day off work to be with me today, I talked through the thoughts with him last night which was very upsetting but he was very understanding and tried to explain to me that this is an illness and the thoughts in a way are like a symptom of the illness, in the same way that a sneeze is a symptom of a cold - this kind of helped me. We went out for the day, which kept my mind occupied and I do feel a bit better today.
Also, I saw on a TV programme recently that if you have plenty of magnesium in your diet, it can help with anxiety and hormones, so I've got myself some to take daily (I also checked with the GP that they're ok to take while breast feeding).
I'm trying desperately to ignore the thoughts and let them wash over me as a few people have suggested but it's hard at times isn't it.
Ellen x
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Post by erinjane on Aug 10, 2006 17:21:35 GMT
Hi Ellen, ive had a bad day. Ive been in the house all day and the kids have been driving me nuts! I to feel better when i get out, its mainly when im sitting in the house. I hte been on my own, i always think its oing to be worse. Ive had the thoughts for so long now, i think i believe a little more that nothing is goin to happen. It is so so hard to let them wash over you, but i can tell that the lower my mood is the worse the thoughts are now. I did try manesium for a while and it helped with the anxiety syptoms but i stopped taking it when i started the meds, not sure if i can still take it. Are you on any meds? How olds your little one erin xx
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Post by ellenp on Aug 11, 2006 10:14:11 GMT
Hi Erin, I hope you have a better day today. I'm not on any medication at the moment - I haven't found them to be much help to me in the past. My baby is 10 weeks old, how old are your children?
I'm just about to go out now as I find that it helps - if I stay in on my own all day, my mind has got more time to think. I'm feeling anxious today, so I think the sooner I get my mind occupied the better, I agree, the thoughts are much worse when I'm feeling down.
Ellen x
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