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Post by francoise on Aug 11, 2005 13:26:25 GMT
hi
ive not been on because im better , far from it , its all changing into new stuff , seems like anyway when one thing goes something else takes its place , im getting such distorted vision and headaches , the doc gave me migraine pills but i had to have an eye ytest to which resulted in stronger lenses but nothing is making a difference , im so sick of all this , i cant see much atall , everything is floating about and blurred even with my glasses on , im such its coz im just to hormonal , im gonna have another baby i think and see if that sorts me out , well ill try , cant keep going with all this stuff forever ,
love fran xxxx
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Post by susie on Aug 13, 2005 15:59:05 GMT
Fran,
Its not up to anyone else to advise you on whether you have another baby or not, that is your choice, all I will say ( as you know me I can't keep quiet!) is when I was having my counselling my counsellor asked me if I would think of having another baby, I said that I maybe would and that I hopefully wouldnt let me having pni put me off BUT that wanted to make sure that if I had another baby it wasn't to try to "put right" what I felt had gone wrong with J as I can't change the past. take care honey Sus x
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Post by francoise on Aug 13, 2005 16:50:17 GMT
hi susie
yeah i know really in my sensible head that its the wrong thing to do but its very hard to cope with this and one thing goes and something equally as bad takes its place , its like i cant escape , im so fed up of it now ,i dunno what to do its not lke i get more and more good days , mine is NOT working out like that susie , ,im sure im developing ocd,s to . its just a nightmare , i know i cant have another baby , anyway i dont have sex for one thing , im gonna try counselling again i think if i can get my eyes to work abit better , i have sinus probs now to which is quite bad and im taking pills for that and i have migraine pills but i cant take them at the same time , , ive lost about a stone but thats coz i just cant be bothered to eat much now , coming off the pill done that maybe to , is this pni or is it something else susie , maybe im a mad person with a few mental illnesses , i cant cope aswell as i used to , im making do and thinking its better than nothing how much i can do but realy its all pants . im desperate to talk to someone but i just cant at the moment , counselling wil be a must though eh , i need something , or someone to explain things yet again to me
thanks susie , fran xxxxxxx
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Post by cheshire on Aug 13, 2005 20:04:07 GMT
Thinking of you hopefulx
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Post by susie on Aug 13, 2005 21:46:17 GMT
Fran,
I hope I didn't upset you earlier, I know you are having a hard time right now.
I know you are not mad or crazy, you are ill, I am not an expert but from what i have learnt it seems to me that the thing with PNI is that if you don't get the right help for you for whatever reason then it can last for ages, some people find meds work when they find the right med and the right dose and it works out, it takes time but it steadies them and they can begin to come off, others find couselling is the answer, either way if you have the help that works for you, you will start to get better.
I know its easy for me to say but I think you need to go back to your gp, tell them how you are feeling, work out an action plan and stick to it, be patient, it takes time. Hopefully too if you can get your vision sorted out that will help too.
I know it's crap when you aren't really living your life you are just "making do" i did it for so long too, i didn't enjoy the kids I just went through the motions, but one day you will enjoy it again Fran, you will get your life back, I think counselling would be good for you to build up your bond with Leon, there was a lot I had to accept from counselling in order to move on, in relation to my relationship with the children, and my images of the perfect mum, you can also get to remember who Fran is, and think about what Fran wants, the old Fran is still in there.
You know where I am if you need to talk in the meantime I am sending you a (((hug)))
take care
sus x
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Post by francoise on Aug 13, 2005 21:59:38 GMT
thankyou hopeful and susie
im feeling abit more positive tonight , i had a long chat to vee and ure answers made me redevelope my hope again thank god ,
i know ure right susie , u say it all just as i feel it , i will go back to the docs again now , im getting like i feel desperate and then i get scared which makes it worse , i did speak to vee about my eyes too , i see alot of things moving about and hallucinate alot and its all very hazy even when there is nothing moving but i think its quite common with this pni stuff eh , i have had my eyes looked at by the opticians and a doctor but nothing except migraines or sinus probs were mentioned and my glasses of course , i think its in my head because when i was speaking to vee and then i read my posts i was seeing ok then or otherwise i wouldnt be able to type so it must be ok sometimes until i think about it again , well you know what i mean eh ,
ure right to about the kids thing , its like no enjoyment there atall hardly just the actions of it all and the routines with them ,
the old fran wasnt perfect by a long shot but warts n all i want her back susie , thanks so much for understanding and thanks hopeful too ,
vee thinks counselling might be good to to reduce any excess stress that dont need to be there on top of the pni stuff , yeah its a plan isnt it
love francoise xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
oh susie course u didnt upset me hun , no way ,
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Post by susie on Aug 13, 2005 22:08:33 GMT
Fran,
I think thats right about the counselling too, often I spent a whole hour talking about other stresses that i just couldnt deal with when I was ill but they had nothing to do with any pni symptom. I remember too worrying myself sick over things that had happened and I had done or said or felt and then talking to the counsellor and she would get me talking through it all till it didnt seem so big. Personally i had to find myself again before i could be a happy person ( sounds like babble doesnt it? but its true) i had forgotten who I was, which made me feel so guilty for wanting even a coffee in peace, I didn't deserve anything.
glad you know feel like you have a plan, keep us posted
Susie xx
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Post by francoise on Aug 14, 2005 14:22:29 GMT
yeah thanks susie
i know what you mean
today is wierd again , im back to how i was but at least i know i got abit better before eh , i have been trying to get the kids to go out but they wont , i even gave them money but they say theres nothing to do out there , i said bowling , pics , anything really but nothing , full house as usual , just wanna spend time with just daz at the moment just for a little while maybe , i get kind of panicked and it turns into a dsperation to get them pout of the house for a while , horrid isnt it but i feel suffocated , its not the work its the hassle , even answering them is hard sometimes when i dont wanna talk particularly, anyway try tomorrow but i shant hold me breath
love francoise xxx
thanks susie xx
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Post by susie on Aug 14, 2005 16:21:51 GMT
Hi Fran,
I know how you feel, I felt suffocated this morning, all I wanted was 10-15 minutes peace but wherever I went the kids followed then hubby started following me to, well he said he just wanted to talk to me but it seemed like every corner I turned he was there, I felt like running out the door. It bugs me sometimes that the only time I seem to get for myself is when the kids are in bed. hope you have a better day tomorrow susie x
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Post by francoise on Aug 14, 2005 19:15:12 GMT
thats it susie , im here now and already been asked three things , it would be nice to be invisible eh at times , thanks sussie , good luck to in getting some peace tomorrow to
francoise xxxx
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Post by francoise on Dec 11, 2006 10:12:26 GMT
its been wierd looking back at this thread from the last time i was ill , must say im surprised at what i wrote and so outspoken about it to , not feeling so open this time enough to describe the feelings so graphically but its certainly an eye opener to read this and i think its helped abit to , yeah gonna keep this going so i can compare the two experiences i think
fran x
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