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Post by winegirl on Mar 17, 2010 17:57:10 GMT
Hi Hun
I am so pleased yu have felt a bit of `normality' again today. Hopefully, what shuld happen now is that you start geting these better days and they shoulod start to increase until you get better weekes, months etc..
I hope today has been ok for you?
WG xx
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Post by anon79 on Mar 18, 2010 9:34:49 GMT
Hello, Yesterday was going ok until I changed the nappy then it went a bit downhill. This morning is horrendous again. I was just looking at my child falling to sleep then a random 'voice' 'words' 'statement' popped into my head and it has knocked me for six I'm in a right state again. I look at my son and cry with despair he is so beautiful and I don't deserve him. Is this getting worse/moving to another stage/part of it all? It was the intensity of it that frightened me to death and I am beginning to think I must be some sort of monster. I had a little relief when I looked at the symptoms on the home page and saw obsessional thoughts/repetitive voices but this is new and I don't like it. I feel tormented in my head and am getting very scared I am going mad. Has anyone experienced this before? Please say they have and it isn't just me I would never ever hurt my son in anyway, all this is not normal and I'm scared. I only went to see my consultant yesterday afternoon and they upped my meds. I felt positive then but feel back to square one this morning.
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Post by bam02 on Mar 18, 2010 10:35:53 GMT
I really think with this its one day at a time and that is not easy. Then eventually things are better for longer and gradually you find its been a while since you thought these things. But it does take time and that doesn't help in the moment you feel like you do. You say your tablets have been upped then unfortunately it will take time for then to work. But in the mean time please believe we have been there and you are not alone.
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Post by anon79 on Mar 23, 2010 9:16:30 GMT
hello, I have had a good couple of days then a blip again this morning which has been upsetting but I'm starting to feel better as the morning goes on. I really cant wait for the time when all this has gone away and I am my normal self again. I'd really appreciate the support on here so thank you
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Post by winegirl on Mar 23, 2010 20:51:23 GMT
Hi hun
The mornings were always the worst time for me, and i would gradually start to feel better as the day went on, many ladies find this too..
I hope this afternoon was much better for you??
WG x
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Post by monica on Mar 24, 2010 14:55:41 GMT
Hello!
it sounds as if you're going through a horrible blip. After a prolonged 'good spell'these can feel partiuclarly bad and as if you're back to square one where you analyse your everythought and see the worst in yourself.
However, the fact you're worrying about your thoughts is a sign you have no intention of doing anything to harm your child. Abusers do not worry about that. The thoughts are very distressing but it's this protective instinct going into overdrive.
With pni it can be very much a case of two steps forward one step back which is so frustrating but you will recover from it. Hopefully once your increase in meds kicks in it will lessen the thoughts
Monicax
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Post by winegirl on Mar 24, 2010 21:23:05 GMT
How was today for you hun??
I am thinking of you and hoping that today was a better one for you xxx
WG x
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Post by anon79 on Mar 31, 2010 10:46:19 GMT
Hello, I just thought i would write to let you know I have had the most fantastic three consecutive days in a row ever and for the first time in months feel like my old self! I think it must be the meds starting to kick in. I felt really good Friday, into Sat then again Sunday but worried about Monday when OH would be returning to work and whether all this was due to me having company for most of the weekend. Monday morning came and I've never felt better! No fear of being on my own, really enjoying time with my son, it was wonderful and has continued to be so. My Dr said to expect low days again as part of the course but so far not had one and as for thoughts, they seem to have dissipated. I don't want to start thinking 'what if' it comes back or I have a blip because I am feeling so much like me again it is wonderful! just thought I'd let you know and that I feel like Im leaving the dark place I have been for so long. I understand it will still take time but am holding on to these past few brilliant days and the knowledge that things will get better! Thank you ALL for your support, and I'll keep you posted! xxxxxx
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Post by monica on Mar 31, 2010 19:32:58 GMT
So pleased you are on the up! It reallhy is wonderful to hear . Go with the flow and don't think about blips - just deal with them as and when.
yes, do keep us posted how you get onx
Monica
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Post by anon79 on May 1, 2010 18:35:45 GMT
Relapse Hello again. As you can see from the time that has gone since I last posted I've been doing great but over the course of the past week thoughts and worries have built up and the past two days have not been good. In fact they have been very frightening and I am so upset as I've had such a good few weeks that i thought it had all gone away but clearly it hasn't. I don't know why it has returned? Similar thoughts/flashing images/words and statements to before but experiencing physical elements to it far worse than last blip...totally lost appetite, fuzzy head, blurred vision, panic and fear shooting through me body like something awful is going to happen, constant pain in right side...what's it all about??? Thoughts about running away from it all, baby will be better with mum in law and dad, detachment feelings, the list goes on I am trying my hardest not to dwell and worry about all this but it is very difficult and I am questioning whether I am normal as all this is just doing my head in. I thought I'd got over it all and I think that is what is really getting to me as I've been doing so well and felt back to my 'normal' self. Past two days have felt like hell again and I've had enough of it. I'm trying to stay strong but it is very hard when you just want answers as to why this is happening to you. I will never ever hurt or harm my child in anyway ever so why is this happening? I'm tormented and haunted by these thoughts and it is frightening me to death. I hate it
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Post by winegirl on May 2, 2010 8:32:34 GMT
Hey hun
I am so sorry to hear that... Please dont think this is back to square 1. Somewhere on this forum we posted what we thought was like a pattern for recovery (will try and find it), and what was identified is it is very up and down to start with. You just have to ride through the downs to get back to the ups. Eventually the ups last longer, and the downs shorter until they go alltogether, this can take a bit of time.
Don't despair hun, you will get back up again. Please keep talking here is it helps. We are here for you if you need us xxx
Much love
WG xx
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Post by anon79 on May 2, 2010 9:12:46 GMT
Thanks for responding so quickly winegirl and for being there. Again it is the mornings that are the worst. Unexplained pangs of anxiety in my chest, feelings of doom but also intense guilt that I am an awful person let alone mother. I look at my son and he is so beautiful and deserves so much better...so does my partner. This is the most horrible thing...I hate it. If you could direct me to that pattern thing that'd be great. I just can't see a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment and I hate it. Please keep it touch x x x
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Post by winegirl on May 2, 2010 9:26:44 GMT
Yes the mornings were always worse for me too. But again its a good sign of recovery if it is easing off a bit as the day goes on... I read a book once by Dr Claire Weekes who thinks the mornings can be the worse time as your body has sort of shocked when you have woken.. made a bit of sense to me. But I was definately in recovery when I had identified the mornings as being the hardest time.
I will go and dig out the thread for you now x
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Post by winegirl on May 2, 2010 9:29:41 GMT
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Post by monica on May 2, 2010 14:48:48 GMT
Hi
I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. It sounds liek a blip which can feel like you're back to square one after a good spell but believe me in time these blips will get less intense and further apart.
I can distinctly remember having them and I would despair as it felt as if I would never get better, but I did and so will you. I too would be plagued with physical symptoms liek the fuzzy head, headaches, blurry vision as well as the emotional ones.
Try and ride it out - do nice things for yourself because you do deserve them. you are a brilliant mother and partner; when in a blip and the doom appears, self confidence seems also to fly out the window. I also found that doing physical exercise really helped - I can remember going into a step class feeling really depressed and down on myself after a month long blip and came out feeling well.
Love
Monica
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