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Post by shader on Nov 17, 2007 10:46:16 GMT
Hello. I'm 14 weeks pregnant. Have posted on this site before, from about 8 weeks into my pregnancy I have been suffering. I suffered PNI after the birth of my first child and it is the same stuff/thoughts which are happening again but are much more intense. I have just got out of hospital and am sort of doing OK. Still have the thoughts but maybe the meds are working as I felt I was coping generally a bit better apart from some days where things just are flat and don't seem right. Last night though late on in the evening all of a sudden I started panicking. I have had a bit of a sore throat which has affected my eating and I got tablets from the doctor which were so big there is no way I could have swallowed them. I started to think about choking and started to almost feel I was choking. Then I started to think what if you choked on your earring or a coin and it was like I had done that. I could feel the lump in my throat. It is like my mind makes me think of the worst things which totally freak me out and then I think what if you become out of control and you do that to yourself, deliberately swallow something to choke. Why why why is this happening. I used to have the same fear about big kitchen knives. I used the worry about them, about someone stabbing me or someone I love and it became so real it was awful.
So since last night this whole choking thing has taken over my thoughts. Have told my husband about it and he has been really understanding. He has work today and his folks are coming round. I have to try and pick myself up a bit but I finding it tough. His folks are fine and obviously know about the situation but I'm afraid I'm going to find today a bit much. At the moment I just want to hide under the duvet. This is awful. I seem to have lost the ability to be rational about things so the irrational just floods in and sometimes tries to take over. I know I am waffling on, it is just is this normal of this cruel illness. I so am trying to fight it. Just some days are ruined by these horrible thoughts.
thanks and sorry for going on and on
Sharon
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Post by marion on Nov 17, 2007 14:35:45 GMT
Hi Sharon
Take today and everyday slowly. Take it one step at a time. The thoughts can be so over whelming and it's hard for others to understand what you mean. I used to have thoughts about so many things and was scared to tell people because I thought they'd think I was totally bonkers but I talked to my dr's about it and they understood and I now see a psychologist who helps me.
You have done so well to confide in your husband I;m sure her can help you.
Lots of Love
Marion.
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Post by Veritee on Nov 17, 2007 17:59:49 GMT
Hi Sharon
How did your day go? - I am sorry I did not reply earlier.
I too have those horrible thoughts and panic, when one thought would escalate to another and another until I was totally paralyzed by fear. Many of my thoughts would involve knives, to the extent that at one point I threw away every sharpish knife in the house so we had nothing to cut food up with and my husband would bitterly complain when he came home ( he is a seaman away for weeks to months at a time) but I just would not let him buy anymore until I felt
It is so nasty and hard to explain to those who have not experienced this .
I found the best thing was to have people round me and if I could to try to get on with a few of my 'normal' day tasks, so that the day normalized.
Difficult though I know and sometimes it is impossible to get on with your day so if you really can not face the day, then its OK to succumb to it and if you feel better in bed, and it helps then have someone else look after any little ones and have a day in bed to yourself.
Always remember tomorrow is another day and each day brings a fresh start and you may feel better.
As you have recently been in hospital do you have a support number to call or regular support visits i.e community mental health team, CPN, crisis team, home start volunteer etc?Have they in fact put a care plan in place for you now you are at home?
If so do not worry about calling them, that is what they are there for and often a telephone conversation with someone who understands what you are going through can help a lot.
If not perhaps you can ask for a care plan or a home start visitor as with this level of anxiety and intrusive thoughts it may help especially if your husband or another you trust is not available through work etc
Anyway, you are always welcome on here day and night to offload, and while we can not be there with you and may not answer straight away - this can still help
Veritee XX
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Post by winegirl on Nov 17, 2007 22:09:46 GMT
Hi Sharon
Welcome to the site x
I like you have had panicing thoughts about all sorts. I would list them but would be here all night. I know it is scary hun, but for me it has got better and almost passed, and it will for you too.
I am glad you have been able to confide in your husband, I am sure he will be a great source of support for you, and I hope we can be too.
Take Care
WG x
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Post by shader on Nov 18, 2007 20:02:49 GMT
Hi, thanks very much for the replies.
Well yesterday I pretty much spent in my bed. My in laws visited us and I did get up for a while. They understand the situation though so the only person who was giving me a hard time was myself. I went up to my Mums today as my husband was working so today hasn't been too bad although the thoughts are still making me panic. I am finding that I want to be with people at all times. Its like I don't trust my brain, I mean I feel it has let me down so I feel I need someone around to keep an eye on me. I have an appointment with the consultant at the hospital on Tuesday so I will tell him what has been happening. Also I have an appointment with a community psychiatric nurse on Thursday. I know I need to open up with people but like you said it is so difficult to tell people these things.
Thanks again for all the messages and support.
Sharon
x
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Post by monica on Nov 18, 2007 20:52:26 GMT
Hi
Sorry you're having a tough time - it's so difficult and the thought can become so overwhelming. I dont' know if it'll help but have you tried relaxation techniques or breathing exercises especially if you feel you're about to start panicking? I fiound these useful and they took the edge of the panickly feelings. Taking slow deep breaths through your stomach and concentrating on them. Might be worth asking CPN about them.
Let us know how you get on with your consultant. All the best
Monica
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