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Post by justme31 on Jan 29, 2008 10:06:19 GMT
this is a long story but here goes!! i had a daughter 10 years ago and have severe pnd which started after her birth was admitted to hospital but refused to take any meds. i struggled very badly for the first 4 years of her life mainly with anxiety and intrusive crazy thoughts i thought i had lost it. things started to get better and although i dont feel i fully recovered i could cope things were k most of the time. In august i had a miscarriage and i got down everyone said oh its normal but i knew it wasnt a normal feelin down.. it was more then just feelin a bit down. Anyways in december i had another miscarriage and the symptoms i had all them years ago with the Pnd have all come back. The worse part is the thinking i get weird intrusive thoughts and picture doing crazy things in my mind this is by far the worse symptom. i feel confused and cant think straight. plz someone tell me this is ok and i aint mad. i dunno whats wrong i feel like i cant have pnd again as i havent had a baby just 2 miscarriages. sorry this is so long!
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Post by monica on Jan 29, 2008 10:54:39 GMT
Hello and welcome
I'm so sorry about your miscarriages - it must be such a diffiuclt time for you - feelings of loss, disappointment - the list is endless isn't it.
Although you did not have a baby you were pregnant and your hormones are reacting in a similar fashion following the end of these pregnancies possibly made worse by the fact you have lost two babies in a short space of time. So in short, you can have PNI after miscarriages and this probably accounts for the symptoms you are getting - intruisive thoughts etc. I lost a baby last JUly and have PNI again.
Please, please see your dr. You don't have to suffer this way. Having these thoughts is awful, distressing and so draining. With support you will feel better. You don't have to take meds if you don't want to. Can I ask why you don't want to? I ask because I was reluctant to take them when in the dpeths of PNI and in desperation I did eventually and they turned my life around for the better.
But there is also counselling, exercise. I know these thoughts are all empcompassing but do you have anything that distracts your mind from them for even 15mins? For instance, reading, TV, puzzles etc. Might be worth a go.
Have you spoken to anyone close about how you're feeling? Your partner, family friends. It often can make you feel better if you know you're not suffering alone.
Please post on here. The ladies are wonderful - understanding and compassionate.
Love
Monica
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Post by cheshire on Jan 29, 2008 15:07:00 GMT
Dear justme31,
Welcome to PNI ORG UK.
I'm sorry to hear of your loss - we have had other ladies posting who have had similar experiences to you. I'll see if I can find the thread.
Thinking of you Hopefulx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 29, 2008 18:50:54 GMT
Hi Justme31
No you are not going mad, but you are poorly hun, which is not surprising having suffered PND untreated and then the sad losses you went through too. I know you dont really want to, but perhaps going to the GP is the thing to do right now. Yes, it may mean some sort of medication, but it could aldo get you some specific talking therapy and other help?
Welcome to the site hun, and I hope you can come and offload here anytime xx
Take Care
WG x
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Post by stevensmummy on Jan 30, 2008 9:54:27 GMT
Hi Justme31
I'm sorry for your loss I know it must be hard.
A friend of mine lost a baby and felt similarly. As Monica says your hormones are the same as if you had a baby.
I am also interested to know why you dont want meds. Like monica I too was reluctant and am now taking and have seen a major turnaround in my life. I know how I felt about taking them. Fear, disapointment, failure for needing them, thought of ppl knowing, embarassment, not wanting to admit to myself I am really that bad. I suffered for 2 1/2 yrs b4 I finally gave in and if theres one thing I can reccomend to anyone is dont be ignorant like I was. I wouldnt want one person to suffer the way i did for such a long time. You already have suffered longer.
Can you bite the bullet and go? Its only a few mins of an initial app. And I assure you it makes such an immense diference.
Sending my love Sarah x
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Post by justme31 on Jan 31, 2008 9:17:20 GMT
hi and thanks for replying i feel so alone with all these mad thoughts. i did go and see a pychatrist last weekend i had to pay for this privately as i dont feel my gp is very understanding. she said that as the pni was untreated b4 this is why it has come back now and she said i will get better which i dont really believe. she also gave me anti depressants which am terrified to take.. this fear is due to my mum suffering fron schizophenia.. shes been telling me for as long as i can remember that medication caused her to be that way. so am scared to take it cos i think am gunna end up like her. In regards to the anti depressants i have been taking them since monday but i think they are making me feel worse the thoughts are worse then ever and i have a fuzzy head feel like am kinda in a dream... i find it hard to tell what are side effects of the mediction and what is the depression.
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Post by monica on Feb 1, 2008 19:04:58 GMT
Hi
I understand your worries re: taking meds especially after your mum's experience, however, presumably that was a while a go and these days the meds are much better. It is very common to feel worse initially - I was on citalopram and felt dreadful for the first 2-3 weeks then things started to improve. I, like you felt even more if I was in a dream world especially a few hrs after taking the tablet, I also had worsened anxiety, dry mouth. What are you on, if you don'tmind me asking?
If you can do stick with it for a few weeks, but do see your dr if you are struggling; at th every least they should giv eyou reassurance and sometimes they can prescribe something for this interim period unti the meds kick in.
Do post on here especially if you feel you need someone to talk to. You'll find many ladies on here who will have probably been on the same meds as you andalthough each person can react differently, often someone will have experienced what you've been through.
Love
Monica
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justme
Private Board (R) Member
Posts: 698
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Post by justme on Feb 4, 2008 9:38:31 GMT
just came on here to ramble.. am having the most awful time at the moment my thinking is horrendous. am convinced i am mad. am worrying about everything i know i do myself no favours as i trail the net looking for things that could be wrong with me. this week i have managed to convince myself that i am schizophenic, that i have a brain tumour and that ive had a stroke!! i can deal with alll the other symptoms of depression the spaced out feeling, the confusion, the crying etc but the thoughts scare the life outta me. does anyone else feel like there thoughts dont make sense i know it seems a strange thing to ask but really random things just seem to pop into my mind
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carol
Full member
Posts: 117
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Post by carol on Feb 6, 2008 12:15:53 GMT
Welcome - You are not mad hun, so sorry to hear about your recent losses. The first two weeks on my meds were hell then everything improved. I am currently off my meds after 6 months of taking them, and taking each day as it comes. Some days better than others.
Keep reminding yourself you are ill, and these awful thoughts are the PNI and not you. Keep posting here. The support here is fantastic and I'm sure it has helped my recovery. Is there anyone you can talk to? Thinking of you and sending loving hugs. Carol xoxoxox
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Post by justme 31 on Feb 7, 2008 13:11:58 GMT
feel so crap today i just want some help with these awful thoughts. they drive me mad going round and round in my head. i cant even go out because i keep worrying that i am going to jump in the road in front of a bus. i am struggling to believe that these thoughts can b caused by depression am sure am going mad. I dont even feel depressed just anxious all the time.
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Post by stevensmummy on Feb 7, 2008 18:15:40 GMT
Awwh hunni, I know how hard it is. I can relate to much of what you are saying. I too didnt feel 'depressed' as such. i was anxious all the time. Esp the first time. I was preoccupied with someone coming to take my baby away. I felt like I had to watch everything.
But trust me hun it really does get better. i promise you that much. Hang in there Sarah x
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Post by winegirl on Feb 7, 2008 21:45:45 GMT
Hi Justme
I always felt with PNI that I wasnt depressed just anxious. But my mental health worker is adamant that anxiety is depression in another form, and this is what is causing your crazy thoughts. You are not going mad, you are just poorly right now and need to cut yourself some slack.
You will get through this and the thoughts will go, we will be here for you in the meantime, you are so not alone.
WG xx
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Post by just me31 on Feb 9, 2008 18:27:20 GMT
am tryna convince myself i am not mad!! monica am on prozac at the moment dunno if it gunna work just getting rid of the thoughts would do me for now. was just thinking about how different my life is now compared to b4 all this... its saturday night i used to be out now on a saturday night i sit and worry about hurting people and myself and am too scared to go out. this does get better doesnt it i feel like am losing hope.
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Post by just me31 on Feb 9, 2008 18:30:31 GMT
thanks wg it makes me feel better talking to you all. at the moment this site is my lifeline am struggling to tell anyone else how bad am feelin in case they think am mad. thanks to u all xx
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Post by cheshire on Feb 9, 2008 18:33:14 GMT
Hi Justme,
Dont give up hope (easy though to give up hope, I did a few times) - as it does get betterx
Hopefulx
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