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Post by justme31 on Mar 20, 2008 16:57:42 GMT
hi all... am guna sound depressive but i feel like ive had enough of the thoughts... dunno how much more of it i can take am always thinkin something daft its like my mind wont shut off........ am sure am schizo or something. it cant b normal to think the way i think if i see something on tele or read something in a book about any mental illness ill imagine all the symptoms and convince myself i have it. if i read anything violent i worry and keep thinkin im going hurt someone or myself........ am mad innit... i feel like admittin myself to the loony bin! am tryna rationalise but its hard i cant think straight feel like my head is muddled and feel like am in a dream.
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Post by cheshire on Mar 20, 2008 17:03:55 GMT
I am going to PM youxxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Mar 20, 2008 22:42:02 GMT
Hi JM
I am sorry I have not been around today and only just read this post. You ok? How you doing tonight? I know exactly what you are going through, and I know that I sound like a broken record but it will get better I PROMISE> You about tonight or tomorrow morning? I will be around if you need to chat.
Hang in there sweetie xxx
WG ((()))
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 21, 2008 8:11:02 GMT
JM hun,
I know what you mean about the thoughts hun, and at first they are constant and you wonder how you are ever going to be able to cope... it's so draining and everything looks bleak. I was like this for 3 months and then slowly I noticed a few hours of respite here and there, but as soon as the thoughts/anxiety came back...it was like they never had gone away at all. It's because you are in a negative mindset, and you can't remember a time when you felt good ...but I promise you that better times come and you will re-train your brain slowly to think in a less negative way... it happens naturally hun, perhaps with the help of ADs, and of course with any counselling you are having.
If you want to chat this morning I will be around.
xxxxxx
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Post by cokey on Mar 21, 2008 11:57:18 GMT
Hi C
Don't worry you are not alone. I have had a rubbish couple of days and feel just like you, that I have some other mental illness. I think I must be schizo too because some things that I think are just so awful but no matter what I do they won't go and I can't rationalize them. I am not sleeping. However, like Scarlet says and you know from last time, they will ease off eventually. I always get a thought and then it isn't the thought anymore that bothers me, just the associated anxirty and then after about 3-5 days my mind gets bored of the episode and I have some respite, until the next time. I only get it this time around my periods but my periods have suddenly become really irregular, so am off to docs next week to see what they say because I seem to be bad all the time at the moment.
I truly hope you feel better knowing you are not the only one. I know I felt last time I needed locking up and when I told the emergency GP last time, she said I didn't because if I was truly mentally ill (worse than this!?) then I wouldnt know it nor worry about it.
PM me if you need to talk and tell me yout thoughts. Trust me there isn't a thought out there I haven't had or heard of. Nothing phases us fellow sufferers.
Cokey xxx
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Post by justme31 on Mar 24, 2008 19:01:49 GMT
cheers cokey and everyone... its hard with the thoughts innit it like u know they irrational but that doesnt seem to help...... am in a dilemma about meds at the moment am not sure if the meds r makin me feel worse but am scared to stop takin them.. the thoughts have deffo got worse dunno if thats the meds or the illness. the shrink says it aint meds but i aint sure. any advice?
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Post by cokey on Mar 24, 2008 20:13:53 GMT
Hi JM Just PM you but meant to say about meds, how long have you been taking them now?
I had a really bad experience on citalopram and the thoughts got so bad inc suicidal ones that the GP took me off it. I think meds suit some and not others. I was on it 4 weeks by then. They decided to give me counselling instead.
I am terrified of meds now but so many people I know have done so well on them and I had them before when I had depression (not PNI) inc citalopram and was fine.
Consider going back to your GP and asking for a change.
Cokey xxx
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Post by winegirl on Mar 24, 2008 20:31:26 GMT
They can initialy make things worse for the first couple of weeks and then they should die down. Having said that not all meds are for everyone, I started off on prozac and had to come off as it made me permanently worse, so def worth talking to the Gp again x
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Post by justme31 on Mar 25, 2008 8:52:57 GMT
been on the cipralex for 3 and a half weeks... the thoughts r so bad sometimes its like am so confused its like the thoughts r so real. heres what happened with me was depressed with obssessive thoughts was put on zoloft made me feel spaced out so i came off of it.. got put on the prozac and things only got really bad from then...was agigated. panicky couldnt eat, couldnt think didnt know what was going on... come off the prozac got put on cipralex the agitation, panics and not eatin have all gone........ the shrink says that this means the cipralex is workin but i aint sure and am thinkin maybe these symptoms have all gone cos the prozac is outta my system. the thoughts have deffo got much much worse on the cipralex... i wana come off them to see if they r addin to the problems but i dont wana make myself feel worse. what happened with u when u took the citalapram cokey cos that and cipralex r the same type of drug?
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Post by littlelotty on Mar 25, 2008 9:17:32 GMT
Hi JM
I have been on citalopram for 6 weeks now and the first four weeks I felt awful and had very bad panic attacks and aggitated and felt very depressed but since they have increased my dose to 40 mg (was on 20mg) and have started to take them before bed instead of in the morning as they were making me feel spaced out. I am now in the last two weeks feeling like 'normal' again and like the old me and other people have started to notice this as well.
The panic attacks have reduced a great deal and no longer getting any real side effects. It is worth speaking to your doctor about the meds and it might be to increase them - what dose are you on?
Hang in there and things will get better once the meds are sorted - I didn't think I would be saying that a few weeks ago but I can honestly say that it is true!
Take Care
LittleLotty xx
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Post by cokey on Mar 25, 2008 10:08:21 GMT
HI JM
When I came off the citalopram, I felt instantly better but that could have been a placebo effect and in my mind. The thing I would say is that if you can hang on a bit longer then like littlelotty said the light is at the end of ther tunnel. Also this time I have had the same thoughts and feelings as I had when on citalopram and so maybe it was just coincidence that the worst bit of my PNI coincided wioth taking meds. Who knows. I also had really bad physical symptoms that I didn't feel safe though, such as my heart skipping a beat every hour for 4 weeks. I didn't think that was good.
I can't get in to docs til this afternoon but I have decided to stay off meds for now and try and get some counselling. It worked for me last time but then again, I would consider meds if I get any worse because I am at my limit now.
If it helps PM me with yout thoughts to 'say' them out loud. Trust me, there isn't a thought that repulses me (or most of us on here) because I have had them all!
Cokey xxx
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Post by justme 31 on Mar 25, 2008 11:33:30 GMT
i think littlelotty and cokey that u r probably right and i need to give it a little longer with the meds....this time i realised that the pni was returnin so got help quickly so maybe as was with u cokey the pni has just got worse and am blamin the meds when it aint. aint took em for 2 days and was having a panick attack this morn so decided to carry on with em for now. was told that they can take up to 6 weeks and that 3 weeks on em is still really early days. i decided last time to not take meds as i had a bad experience with one lot...... but the pni was quite severe and i ended up in hospital... not that they helped!! i dont wana suffer for another 2/3 years this time. it was the darkest time of my life.. i didnt think id ever get better and if it wasnt for the fact that i had kidsam sure i would have ended it all. i must say though when i had it last time i didnt realise there was sites like this and i felt so alone i remember at one stage i was ringing the crisis line and the samaritians at least 12 hours a day tellin them to lock me away cos i was so crazy!!...... this site and u guys have helped me so much thanks xxx
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Post by justme31 on Mar 25, 2008 12:08:09 GMT
in regards to the thoughts they r not about harmin or anything at the moment... i just seem to b obssessed by mental illness!! lol i do sound crazy. i look up things on the net and believe i am psychotic..if i read something is a symptom of a mental illness ill imagine ive got that symptom too. then i get the thoughts like i start thinkin u r gunna start seein/ hearin things or whatever it is.. then the thoughts terrify me. then i panick then the thoughts come more. its like am going round in circles all day with he thoughts and the panic. i just think how do i know i aint psychotic?!
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 25, 2008 16:14:15 GMT
Hi JM,
Yep I've done all what you said, I googled like crazy at the beginning, thinking I had every mental illness going, then after reading something, I convinced myself I had all the symptoms, or would get them, like the delusions/hallucinations, you name it... I thought I had it, but I am living proof it was anxiety hun..and that's what you have too. I promise you that in time you will be recovered.
Three and half weeks is not long to be on the cipralex hun, I think WG will tell you she waited a few more weeks to notice a real improvement... so hang in there for a wee while longer. When's your next psychologist appt?
Hugs
Scarlet xxxx
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Post by winegirl on Mar 25, 2008 18:25:31 GMT
Hi JM
Well hun, for a start if you were physcotic you wouldnt be sat here worrid that you were, so it is safe to say you are not! Honestly, everything you describe was me a year ago. Down to the last word!
I am on Cipralex, and yes it can make things worse initially for a few weeks so stick with it hun. If in another couple of weeks things are no better then go back to your GP who will be able to change you on to something else. It sometimes takes more than one attempt to find the meds for you.
But even though I suffered initially with the Cipralex, i am now a cipralex fan, as it really did help me get my life back.
Hang in there hun, you will get there xx
Take Care
WG x
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