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Post by tabbysmum on Mar 26, 2008 14:20:26 GMT
Hi all, had a really bad night, was awake all night worried sick about cot death and today feel really anxious and tense, been feeling much better over the past couple of weeks but it seems to be back as bad as ever today, not just cot death, but the usual fear about being on my own with my lo, worrying about harming her. My husband is working until 10:30 this evening so I've got a long time on my own with my mind racing, I'm so exhausted feeling like this all the time.
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Post by justme31 on Mar 26, 2008 14:29:55 GMT
hi tabbysmum i know exactly what u r going through and the thoughts r so difficult to deal with especially when u r on your own. is there anywhere u could go or anyone u could go and see as i find that distractin myself is what helps me at the moment. i find the thoughts the worst symptom of pni.. they r very real and frightenin.. we all here if u need to talk today xx
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Post by tabbysmum on Mar 26, 2008 15:17:06 GMT
Hi Justme31, if I get desperate then I can go visiting tonight, at least until Tabby's bath and bedtime anyway, I'm trying to deal with it at the minute and face up to it but it's so hard. I'm fed up of my muscles aching because I'm so tense, fed up of crying, fed up of feeling so scared and like a freak. I know the thoughts are very common and that is some form of comfort, it's just so scary, I want to feel normal and happy - like we all do I know, how can you feel so besotted and protective of your baby and then have these feelings, I wish I could rationalise it somehow.
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Post by littlelotty on Mar 26, 2008 15:39:25 GMT
Hi Tabbysmum
Are you on medication? it is good that you have been feeling better over the last couple of weeks, try to keep your mind off thinking of the things which I know is easier said than done - I usually go mad cleaning when I get like that to take my mind off it. Like Justme31 said if you can go out and visit someone even to talk I find that helps alot.
Take care and let us know how you feel later.
LittleLotty xx
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Post by winegirl on Mar 26, 2008 15:45:20 GMT
Hi Tabbysmum
If you have had a couple of good weeks and are suffering now it sounds like a blip babes. But at the time I think they can feel worse than before recovery! I know I have been going through one the last week or so, and you are right, it is exhausting!
Hang in there and know that it will pass again.
Will pop back on line tonight if you need to chat x
Take Care
WG x
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Post by cokey on Mar 26, 2008 17:35:03 GMT
Hi Tabbysmum
Don''t know if this is avoidance but I have a breathing/movement monitor for my lo so its one less thought to worry about.
The thoughts are the worse thing because they lead to intense anxiety and then depression. Just get through an hour at a time and come on here every hour for a boost.
We are all in the same boat and happy to share your thoughts if it helps.
I hate it when my dh is out at night til late, I pace and all sorts. Just think how proud you will be at 10.30 though and the more often you are alone then eventually the exposure to being al;one with lo will diminish the thoughts entirely.
Big hugs
Cokey xxx
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Post by tabbysmum on Mar 26, 2008 17:45:12 GMT
Hi Cokey, I too have a breathing monitor for my lo and it's gone off a few times when I haven't fitted it properly, I've got to the point now where I just lie there listening for it to go off and dreading hearing the noise in case it isn't a false alarm, I almost wish I'd never bought the thing but now I have it I couldn't not use it. I am counting down the hours until my hubby comes home, and I know when I get through this evening I'll look back and realise how well I coped, just like all the other times, the thought can often be worse than the reality.I will definately be checking into the forum for some support later though x
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Post by winegirl on Mar 26, 2008 17:47:58 GMT
We will be here hun. Hope the rest of your evening goes ok babes xx
WG x
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Post by tabbysmum on Mar 26, 2008 20:25:17 GMT
Hi all, just checking in, I'm watching Most Haunted Live eating chocolate and watching the clock! Only another 2 hours to go and then I start all over again tomorrow!
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Post by justme31 on Mar 26, 2008 20:45:50 GMT
hi tabbysmum hope u ok... the eatin chocolate sounds good dunno about the most haunted!! i know its really hard being on ya own with all these thoughts i remeber 3 weeks ago i would cry when my partner went to work cos i was so scared to b alone with the thoughts going round and round in my head .. i kept my kids off of school for 2 weeks cos didnt wana b by myself but am feelin way more confident now.. and u will b soon too. have u been to the gp and r u on any meds.. i got prescribed tranquilisers and they manage to take some of the anxiety about the thoughts away.
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Post by cokey on Mar 26, 2008 20:47:15 GMT
Hi Tabbysmum Hope you are okay. Not long to go and the last hour flies because you know its nearly over. God I am just the same, the ridiculous thing for me is I hate it if dh is out (especially at night) but I also have the recurring intrusive thought that he is going to kill me. So he can't win if he's in or out I have had the breathing monitor with both of mine and it is amazing, although it does go off if not switched on properly, lo moves into a corner or if lo just has a long breathing pause. In fact, it went off the other week because I hadn't switched it on at the wall and I pulled my shoulder because I fell out of bed in panic lol - not funny at the time and I was screaming in pain yet desperately trying to get to my baby!!! Your lo will be fine with the monitor but me telling you that is useless because our thoughts are totally irrational anyway no matter what they are inc. me thinking dh gonna kill me!! Anyway hope haunted live is keeping you distracted, you are brave to watch that! Cokey xxx
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Post by justme31 on Mar 26, 2008 20:50:17 GMT
lol know what u mean about most haunted cokey that triggers my mad thoughts!!!
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Post by tabbysmum on Mar 26, 2008 20:52:33 GMT
Hiya, I'm not on any medication in terms of anti d's, my gp prescriped me 28 days worth of Diazepam 3 or 4 months ago and I've still got half left, I'm trying to be very careful with them but I will have to take one tonight or I wont sleep again. I've just had an assessment with a psychotherapist and she has referred me for CBT, there's a six week waiting list though.
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Post by cokey on Mar 26, 2008 20:55:56 GMT
CBT is great apparently. They don't do it here other than a computer course you do yourself DIY style. Sounds ridiculous. Apparently CBT works a treat. Worth the wait. Just an hour and half to go )
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Post by cokey on Mar 26, 2008 20:57:02 GMT
Oh yeah and Haunted is a major trigger for me - can't watch any horror/scary/supernatural stuff- haven't been able to since PNI episode 1!!!
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