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Post by AnxiousMum on Apr 10, 2008 17:29:35 GMT
Ha Ha - can't even spell psychology let alone do a degree in it!!!!!! Its the depression - fuzzy head and all . You have to laugh! xx
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 10, 2008 21:23:20 GMT
Hi Anxious mum
How are you tonight?
It is hard when you have up and down days and this is hard to deal with. It is good that you have the family support around you though.
Do you write a diary as it has really helped me and I read back the first few and I was able to see how far I have come in a short space of time. I was also able to see patterns in the week and month and try and prevent them from happening.
Hope you are ok
Take Care
LittleLotty xx
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larsbars
Senior Member
Mummy to Daisy 3 1/2 & Jamie 2.
Posts: 415
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Post by larsbars on Apr 10, 2008 21:56:48 GMT
Hi Cokey,
I have just read your initia post and that is the EXACT same train of thought that i get. When I read it I got all edgy because it rang SO true. It's awful isn't it and it's kind of my main obsessive thought at the moment..it's the 'what's the point of life and why are we all here' as soon as i have one of those thoughts it just shoots down any good or positive times that I have had in the day. If i let it consume me I then go on to think 'what is the point of my kids lives'. God it's just horrible.
I totally agree with Scarlet. I have a higher than average IQ, a very vivid and creative imagination and I love problem solving. I have one of those brains which needs a certain ammount of stimulating throughout the day and household chores and playing with kids just isn't enough for me at times. I do recognise this but I am lucky in that I don't have to work and believe that I should be at home looking after my kids. It would probaly do me so much better to be out at work but I would feel awful handing my kids over to someone else when I don't have to (by the way this is not a criticism of mothers that do go out to work because everyone has to do what is right for them). I think that because I am not stimulated enough in the day, when it comes to evening and I'm stressed and want to relax, I can't do because my brain is looking for something to amuse it so it goes into anxiety mode. I try and do puzzle books and I am on the committee at Tots so I get to do a bt of grown up stuff there and I do find that helps a little but agree with Scarlett when she says that people with PNI have to put off finding their passion until the LO's go to school and they have time. One lady who I saw for counselling said to me that motherhood just isn't enough for some women. As soon as she said it I thought that is just me. I was a bit gutted because I always wanted to be that domesticated godess of a mother but I guess I need more. I have suffered with depression on and off for years (but never as intense as with PNI) and when I was having a bad patch I would take a few days off work, spend a couple of days in bed to get well rested, see my counsellor and do some enjoyable stuff. How lucky I was I didn't realise it at the time. If allof us mothers could do that I doubt we would be suffering half as much. I think women with PNI do a tremendous job getting through the day. Getting up, dressed and feeding yourself in the day is hard when you have depression but add to that the intesity of PNI and the fact that you have a child/children to look after. We all deserve a medal!
Anyways...I'll stop ranting now! Take care of yourself and I hope you pick up soon.
xx
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Post by Scarlet on Apr 11, 2008 6:57:59 GMT
Hi Anxiousmum,
I know it's difficult and you feel as if you are biding your time until your baby is born and your possible move abroad. I spent 3 months on bed rest during pregnancy and this was the reason that depression sent in. I became inactive and my mind wandered onto worries.
I know it's difficult to do lots of things when you are pregnant, but is there anything you could do to distract yourself? Do you have friends/family to visit? What did you used to like doing before you became pregnant? Also I know it's hard to think of the future now, but a move abroad could be what you need to start afresh, and get a new focus and a new preoccupation... when will you know for sure about the move?
Oh and also I took ADs (+ anti anxiety meds and mood stabilizers) during my pregnancy and all was fine hun, and I questioned everything before I took them, and my psych swore that they wouldn't have an affect on my LO, and he was right. So this is a possibility for you too hun, speak to your doc.
Hugs
xx
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Post by Scarlet on Apr 11, 2008 7:19:35 GMT
Hi Lara, people with PNI have to put off finding their passion until the LO's go to school and they have time.
I have suffered with depression on and off for years (but never as intense as with PNI) and when I was having a bad patch I would take a few days off work, spend a couple of days in bed to get well rested, see my counsellor and do some enjoyable stuff. How lucky I was I didn't realise it at the timeI think this is why PNI is the worst depression to have by far, because not only do you feel crap, you have to look after a child as well and you can't do much about it because it's difficult to do anything with small kids, so you have more time to ruminate more. And like you Lara, I don't find babies very mentally challenging... which someone with perhaps fewer expectations does (I was one of those once myself). When I had my first son, I NEVER had PNI, the reason being, we had just moved abroad and I was living a really boring life really with not many expectations and a baby gave me something else to focus on. This time however pregnancy was a total shock to me and I was leading a very active life and had many fingers in pies, then suddenly I am on bedrest..doing bugger all. Looking back I can see how PNI crept in, it was because I was inactive, and suddenly there I had a new preoccupation to think about all day, A&D and my own worries. It had become my new passion. At the time though I never realised that I just needed to change my passion, thought I was mentally disturbed. We need to be able to throw ourselves into something juicy that takes away the preoccupation with A&D, but this is not easy when you have mundane tasks to do like cleaning the house, cooking, and changing bums... how simulating is that, no wonder we go through the day with crappy thoughts in our heads. This is why PNI can last a long time, because we need to be in a position to have some time to be able to follow our passion, and perhaps for some of us this can happen around the time our kids go to nursery. That's why the time it takes to go fully varies, and we can be up and down for a while...but if it takes 2 or 3 years and even if you are still suffering 3 years later, it doesn't mean it's forever... it's self-limiting. I firmly believe this. For me, I have been able to do brain-stimulating things as well as look after my LO, and it's faded into the distance. This is what you've gotta do to get rid of it, and the hardest step is getting the motivation to actually take the step of replacing the A&D preoccupation with something else, because you don't notice benefits straight away... but when you've cracked it, then you will be well on the way to recovery. My God was that waffle, but don't have the time to amend it, as I'm off to do some stimulating stuff at the school. Hugs to you all. xxxx
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Post by AnxiousMum on Apr 11, 2008 7:39:36 GMT
Hi Scarlet,
Thank you so much for your kind messages. Before I fell pregnant I think depression had so much of a hold on me that I couldn't think what to do (pretty much like now but obviously now I'm more limited).
I do have family round me and do spend alot of time with them, however, I seem to get anxious round them too for some reason. My fear is that my anxiety is too entrenched and that I'll never get out the bit!
People always say to me that I think WAY too much about things. I do have a very active imagination, which I'm starting to HATE! I seem to be better when my husband's home - obvously he takes the pressure off.
I think the move oversea's will hopefully help and at least my husband will be getting home every night then. My main thing at the moment is - have I ever done anything to my son and not remembered, or, have I ever wanted too? I can't even enjoy going to sleep now cos I have nightmares - my therapist said not to worry about the dreams as things get all muddled up in dreams - that doesn't help me though.
I don't want to take a/d's whilst pregnant - I'd never forgive myself is something did happen. I have an app't with a homoepathic doctor on Tuesday but don't know if this is going to be any good - its probably more for mild anxiety & its expensive. I'll have to speak with my husband - I know he won't like it if I take anything whilst pregnant.
I just dont know who I am anymore! xx
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Post by Scarlet on Apr 11, 2008 14:23:02 GMT
Hi Anxiousmum, I have an active imagination as well, and I thought it was my downfall, but actually it's also helped me to recover, in that I have educated myself about this blasted illness and spoken to so many people about it now, and read so much that I'm confident that I will never be depressed again like I was. I think getting back to a semblance of normality asap was a huge step in my recovery, and it wasn't an overnight thing. Id read that you should get back to doing things that you normally do, no matter how you feel and I did this, although I didn't start until my baby was about 4 months at the time...as it took me a long time to convince myself that it was anxiety I was suffering from, and even then I had times i doubted that... lots of them. I know you don't want to take ADs during pregnancy and it was the same for me, my mind could not accept them and I became more anxious because I was pregnant, even though the doctor reassured me, I doubted everything. I took them for 4 months and then stopped and have plodded along ever since with nothing... The doc was right though, and my LO was fine, and I have spoken to others who have taken them as well. I always favoured alternative methods and am a great believer in some things, and I have taken homeopathic remedies long before PNI. Have you ever tried hypnosis? This is something I would have liked to have tried. You will get out of it hun, you need to occupy your mind with something else. I am doing some on-line work at the moment, and a few of the ladies (and myself) have scoured the freebie threads, and we have posted links in the 'Tea Coffee and Wine Thread'. Here is a great link to all the jobs at home you can do. Try and throw yourself into something you like doing if you can, I know it's easier said than done.. Boost Your income www.moneysavingexpert.com/protect/make-money#paidopinionAlso check out this forum of a friend of mine. He suffered terrible anxiety for 10 years, and he is so lovely, & if you have any questions you can ask him anything. He's written about every aspect of anxiety on his blog, and his website, with practical tips and advice. I have learned so much from him. He's fully recovered now. anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=20anxietynomore.co.uk/Have to go now, but will be back after the weekend. Hugs Scarlet xxxx
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Post by cokey on Apr 11, 2008 14:52:27 GMT
Hi ladies
Such an interesting thread and so reassuring. Larsbars we are the same person I think lol I am so like you. I obviously share the same phobias/thought patterns but I also wanted to be a domestic goddess/stay at home mum whilst not criticising those who go to work. I have always worked in analytical/strategic jobs and when iw asn't I was always creating new systems/training plans for companies. I guess its very easy like Scarlet says to then create a new passion out of anxiety.
I am really psuhing hard to re-occupy my thoughts and I have had a reasonable day today.
I personally thank my lucky stars, no matter what they flaws, for having a great support network in my family but my heart goes out to you who have no-one to turn to but us ladies here. You are the bravest of them all and I applaude you.
I hope you are okay justme - worrying about you today. Pop in and tell us all how you are.
Cokey xx
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