|
Post by rachelk on Jan 5, 2008 8:52:06 GMT
That is so reassuring. I would love it if they would last half an hour! Xmas Day was about 6 hours and yesterday was about 2. It is just like being on drugs or having drunk a bottle of wine or something - awful.
I will take all your advice samantha and winegirl and try and ride them rather than panicking more whilst trying to avoid them. What do each f you do with your children when they start? Both times I have been at home alone with both my kids - 4 and four months doing mundane stuff like cooking tea etc. I just hate the thought that, for that period, I cannot function as a mum and my four year old must wonder what on earth has happened to me!
Have been on anti ds for about five weeks but only on 75mg (the proper dose) for about 5 days. Before that I think doc thought it was just tired/stress so had me on very low dose. I am back at docs wed so will try and ask about management of anxiety and whether they think I would benefit from counselling/CBT.
Cheers again.
Rachel
|
|
|
Post by samantha77 on Jan 5, 2008 10:04:50 GMT
Hi Rachel,
I too am feeling a bit woozy this morning!
At my worst i used to feel in total panic for days, what happens is your body has a reaction to the adrenaline flowing round your body and this is what makes you feel " drunk or on drugs" My vision used to be very foggy and everything used to look strange. It's horrible and i totally 100% understand how you feel. Try to keep in mind that it is not going to harm you and try and distract yourself from thinking in depth about it- as this makes it worse.
As for what i did with the children when this happened, i was very ill at the beginning's and spent alot of time in and out of a&e, doctors and anywhere where i felt safe- not suggesting this for you as at the time i was sure i was having a heart attack, going mad or loosing the plot!! Which of course i wasn't it was extreme anxiety.
I too have 2 children, my eldest is 6 now and my youngest is just over 2. My mum had to come and stay with with for 4 months or so cause i could not function properly and attend to the children's needs as i was unwell. Can your partner/husband take some time off to help at home, or family? I found having my mum around was a great relief as she was there to help with the children when i needed to rest and it was also a good emotional support to talk to her when i was in a panic, which was all the time for a while.
As i am unsure of your position regards to family support etc i don't know what to suggest. I remember fearing being on my own with the children in case i went into panic.
I went to my local library and read some books on anxiety and panic attacks to help me understand what was happening to me "knowledge is power" this helped and stopped the panic attacks from escalating into a full blown attack.
My son was four when i had my daughter and first got pni, he has said nothing about me being ill so i guess he never noticed, but if he did it has defiantly not affected him in any way. The way you are feeling about your son- "wondering what has happened to his mummy" is also a symptom of the illness, the pni makes us feel guilt, which in turn makes us panic too.
It is a horrible illness but i can safely say that as you recognize what is happening you will gradually get better.
Please ask anything you wish, i will try and give you my thoughts if it helps
I was ref to my local mental health team, for assessment and they assigned me CBT, although i had to wait 6 months for the therapy, when i got there i was so much better with the panic that she sent me away. So i never had the therapy which i think now i wished i would of persisted with.
Take Care Samxx
|
|
|
Post by rachelk on Jan 5, 2008 15:42:06 GMT
Sam, It is really good to hear from you. Your situation sounds very similar to mine in that your eldest was 4 when you had your second - and got PND. My eldest is also 4, which in some ways is good as he is at school, but in others it is hard because he notices how I am.
My situation at home is good. I have a very helpful husband and my mum is also helpful. But I think they all still think this isn't very serious and that I am just stressed/tired. I hide how I feel very well and most people probably think my life is wonderful and that I am very 'together' and 'happy'!!!
I am going to take all your advice and relax and go with the flow when I feel panicky. I am also going to read up about this and learn as much as I can. I have a degree in psychology so I know some of the basics, not that this has hepled me so far!!!. I am also going to push for CBT, but as you said, 6 months would be no use to me at all as I HOPE to be feeling much better by then.
Take care and thanks so much for replying.
Rachel
|
|
|
Post by samantha77 on Jan 5, 2008 18:28:31 GMT
hello again Rachel,
Its very nice to hear back from you, and i must say you seem very positive about the pni, which is fantastic!!! It's great to hear that you have a good support network around you, u can rely on them if needs be.
Maybe as you have a good insight into human behavior and psychiatric workings through your degree, your family might think that you will deal with issues related to pni easier, or like you said you hide it very well. If you find that managing the panic's very difficult and they get any worse it might be worth talking to your husband and family about how intense these attacks are, and that maybe they could look after the children in a while so you can get some rest, as being tired always makes things worse.
Do you have any trouble sleeping?
I did it was terrible, could not sleep at night and never could in the day as i was too anxious.
We do have similar situation, and i remember when i was ill -Dylan was at school so in the day he never really seen me ill, but i did feel awful about not being able to do things with him or my new born baby due to the illness, but thankfully my mum really helped with the house work and cooking so any spare energy i had went on the children.
But my son is totally unaware of me ever being ill now, all he cares about is football, food, playing out and riding his bike - i have to book myself in to see him.
I am currently in my second year A'levels in Health & Social care and just had my acceptance into UNI for sept to study a mental health nursing honors degree. Having this illness has sparked my interest in mental illness and caring for people with mental health problems.
Maybe in your area the waiting list might not be as long as 6 months?
I would push for it though as this type of therapy is supposed to be very good with PND.
I hope all goes well and good luck.
You will be feeling miles better within 6 months, I am sure. It just takes a little time to get your head round things xxx
Let us know how you get on x sam x
|
|
|
Post by rachelk on Jan 6, 2008 8:41:18 GMT
Hi again Sam, I do try and be positive and even went out for a meal with my husband last night whilr mum babysat.All went well until I got back and my mum said 'come on Rachel..chin up' and it just killed me. It made me feel even more of a loser than I already do. What I don't understand though is why U can't just shrug these comments off. They just really upset me for days and make me feel I have noone who understands - which is actually true!
The sleeo was bad at first and was one of my main symptoms. I just never ever slept and lay awake all night and even in day if I was offered rest. Luckily my GP put me on Dosulepin which is a Tricyclic Anti D and makes you very drowsy. You take it at night and you just go straight to sleep. They are brill cos if your sleep is broken (which it usually is!) you can get straight back to sleep. I would advise anyone with sleep probs and PNI to try it.
Sounds like some good has come from your illness if it has sparked your interest in working with people with mental health probs. I must say you write very well and explain things really clearly, which will be very helpful in that career.
Thanks again.
Rachel
|
|
|
Post by samantha77 on Jan 6, 2008 10:04:37 GMT
Good morning,
How are you feeling this morning?
It's good that you can manage to get out and spend some quality time with your husband, although when we are feeling groggy with PNI it seems to take up so much energy and effort just to get out the door and face the world (it was for me a times anyway).
I think our nearest and dearest sometimes say things with all the best intentions and don't realize how it makes us feel, my mum, when staying with me when i was in the early stages of illness told me to "stand up and fight the depression ", she said that i could not lay down and let it destroy me.......... Yes OK then if it was that easy then none of us would have PNI hey? It really made me angry cause is was in total turmoil inside, that i just not explain.
I think that particularly with PNI as it is a mental illness, people find it very hard to understand- as they cannot physically see that we are unwell. If we had a broken leg or some other illness which is quite easy to see by the eye we would get far more empathy than we do and need with PNI. Plus with us being in such away - its extremely hard to explain especially to those we are most closest to how we feel!!!! So when you say "no one understands" your right as any one who has not experienced PNI does not understand fully what it is like!
I think when we are depressed with pni we hold onto the negative of everything and it really gets to us, we are unable to shake off all the things we normally do. But be reassured cause it does get easier to see the lighter side of things eventually.
I was on Prozac when very poorly which really helped me once it started working properly- took about 3 months to start feeling better and a few occasions of upping the dose, i also had to have sleeping tablets for 3 months as well as i just could not sleep it was awful.
I am so much better now able to run my life and enjoy things again but i am still in the later stages of the illness and have just recovered from a long blip of pni- it always comes back slightly over Christmas- stress and things aggravate the symptoms.
It might be worth contacting the Association for Postnatal illness for some information, they are really good!!! I used them alot when i was poorly. I will try and find there number for you. They offer someone to talk to who has had experience of pni over the phone, they also provide and will send you information for your family to read about, so they can have an insight about how u feel and how to make things easier for you. They are open from Monday to Friday 10am to 2pm i think and if you wish you can be assigned another women who has had similar symptoms to you, to talk to over the phone, u swap numbers and the women will contact you to discuss how you feel and you can always ring her when in need. I had a lady called Jane who i talked to and i can say with great confidence that she was So helpful in my recovery, it give me a chance to offload to a real person who understood exactly how i felt. I would recommend this type of support!! It was fantastic and i gained a valuable friend too.
I hope this helps and i will send you that number asap Take Care Rachel xx
Sam x
|
|
|
Post by samantha77 on Jan 6, 2008 10:23:02 GMT
Hi again,
The phone number is 02073860868
If you type in Association for Post-natal Illness in your computer/laptop it will come up with all the details.
Just a thought that it may be of use to you if you wish.
Cheers
Sam xxx
|
|
|
Post by samantha77 on Jan 6, 2008 10:29:57 GMT
One of the ladies - scarlet added this link on another thread, thought it might be usefull..... Have a look it really good.:-
Anxiety Symptoms, Anxiety Attacks Symptoms (Panic Attack Symptoms)
Anxiety symptoms can range from mild to severe, can include only one or all, and can be sporadic and intermittant to persistant. All combinations are possible. There are many symptoms associated with anxiety, anxiety attacks, panic attacks (anxiety attacks are the same thing), anxiety disorders, stress disorders, sleep disorders, and depression. Because each person has a unique chemical make up, the symptoms and their intensity will vary from person to person.
Common anxiety symptoms:
Body
Blanching (looking pale, loss of color in the face or skin) Blushing, flushed face, flushed skin, blushing, red face or skin Body temperature increase or decrease Burning Sensations throughout the body Choking Chronic Fatigue Clumsiness, feeling clumsy Disorientation Dizziness Dizzy Electric shock feeling Excess of energy, you feel you can’t relax Falling sensation, feel like your are falling even though you aren't Feel like you are going to pass out or faint Feeling cold or chilled Flu like symptoms, general malaise Flushed face, red face, flushed skin Heart palpitations, racing heart Hyperactivity, excess energy, nervous energy Increased or decreased sex drive Infection - increased infections, persistent infection Muscle twitching Nausea Nausea vomiting
Neck, back, shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness Night sweats, waking up in a sweat, profusely sweating at night No energy, feeling lethargic, tired Numbness Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling Numbness and tingling, and other skin sensations on hands, feet, face, head, or any other places on the body Persistent muscle tension, stiffness Sexual Dysfunction, sexual uninterest Skipped heart beats Sore or tight scalp or back of the neck Startle easily Sweating, uncontrollable profuse sweating The floor feels like it is moving either down or up for no reason Trembling or shaking Urgency to urinate, frequent urination, sudden urge to go to the washroom (similar to urinary tract or prostrate infection symptoms) Warm spells Weak - feel weak, weakness, low energy, light, soft, like you may faint Weak legs, arms, or muscles Weight loss, weight gain
Chest
Chest pain or discomfort Concern about the heart Feel like you have to force yourself to breath Find it hard to breath, feeling smothered, shortness of breath Frequent yawning to try and catch your breath Heart Palpitations – beating hard or too fast, rapid heartbeat Heart - Irregular heart rhythms, flutters or ‘skipped’ beats, tickle in the chest that makes you cough
Emotions (see mood)
Fears
A heightened fear of what people think of you Afraid of being trapped in a place with no exits Constant feeling of being overwhelmed. Fear of being in public Fear of dying Fear of losing control Fear of impending doom Fear of making mistakes or making a fool of yourself to others Fear of passing out Fear that you are losing your mind Fears about irrational things, objects, circumstances, or situations Fears of going crazy, of dying, of impending doom, of normal things, unusual feelings and emotions, unusually frightening thoughts or feelings Heightened self awareness, or self-consciousness Need to find nearest washrooms before you can feel comfortable Need to seat near exits
Head
Burning, itchy, tight scalp Dizziness Dizzy Dizziness or light-headedness Frequent headaches, migraine headaches Feeling like there is a tight band around your head, pressure, tightness Head, neck or shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness Giddiness Numbness Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling Shooting pains in the face Shooting pains in the scalp or head When you close your eyes you feel like are beginning to, or will, float upwards Sore jaw that feels like a tooth ache TMJ (Temporo-Mandibular Joint) - clenching of the jaw or grinding of the teeth
Hearing
Frequent or intermittent reduced hearing or deafness in one or both ears Low rumbling sounds Ringing in the ears, noises in the ears, noises in the head
Mind
Afraid of everything Altered state of reality, consciousness, or universe feeling Deja Vu, a feeling like you've done or experienced something before Depersonalization Derealization Desensitization Difficulty thinking, speaking, forming thoughts, following conversations Fear of going crazy Fear of losing control Fear of impending doom Feelings of unreality Frequent feeling of being overwhelmed, or that there is just too much to handle or do Having difficulty concentrating Nightmares, bad dreams Obsession about sensations or getting better Repetitive thinking or incessant ‘mind chatter’ Trapped in your mind feeling Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear You often feel you are carrying the world on your shoulders
Mood / Emotions
Always feeling angry and lack of patience Depression Dramatic mood swings (emotional flipping) Emotionally blunted, flat, or numb Emotional "flipping" (dramatic mood swings) Emotions feel wrong Everything is scary, frightening Feeling down in the dumps Feeling like things are unreal or dreamlike Frequently being on edge or 'grouchy' Frequently feel like crying for no apparent reason Have no feelings about things you used to Not feeling like yourself, detached from loved ones, emotionally numb Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear You feel like you are under pressure all the time
Mouth/Stomach
A ‘tinny’, ‘metallic’ or ‘ammonia’, or unusual smell or taste Aerophagia (swallowing too much air, stomach distention, belching) Choking Constant craving for sugar or sweets Constipation Diarrhea Difficulty swallowing Difficulty talking, pronouncing certain letters or sounds, mouth feels like it isn't moving right, slurred speech Dry mouth Feeling like you can’t swallow properly or that something will get caught in your throat Feeling like your tongue is swollen Frequent upset stomach, bloating, gaseous IBS Lack of appetite or taste Lump in the throat, tight throat, something stuck in your throat Mouth muscles twitching/jumping Nausea Nausea vomiting Nausea or abdominal stress Numbness Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling The thought of eating makes you nauseous Tight throat, lump in throat Tongue symptoms - Tingly, “stretched,” numb, frozen, itchy, “crawly,” burning, twitching, “jumpy,” aching, sore, or swollen tongue (when it isn’t). Urgency to urinate, frequent urination, sudden urge to go to the washroom Vomiting
Skin
Burning skin sensations, skin sensitivity Numbness Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling Skin problems, infections, rashes
Sleep
Difficulty falling or staying asleep Frequent bad, bizarre, or crazy dreams Hearing sounds in your head that jolt you awake Insomnia, or waking up ill in the middle of the night Jolting awake Waking up in a panic attack You feel worse in the mornings
Sight
Distorted, foggy, or blurred vision Dry, watery or itchy eyes Eye tricks, seeing things our of the corner of your eye that isn’t there, stars, flashes Eyes sensitive to light Spots in the vision Flashing lights when eyes are closed Your depth perception feels wrong
Touch
Burning skin sensations, skin sensitivity Feeling cold or chilled Numbness Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling Pain Tingling, pins and needles feelings Other symptoms are described as: Being like a hypochondriac, muscle twinges, worry all the time, tingles, gagging, tightness in the chest, tongue twitches, shaky, breath lump, heart beat problems, head tingles, itchy tingling in arms and legs, and so many more.
In addition to these symptoms, you may also find yourself worrying compulsively about: • Having a heart attack • Having a serious undetected illness • Dying prematurely • Going insane or losing your mind • Harming yourself or someone you love uncontrollably • Being embarrassed or making a fool out or yourself • Losing control • Fainting in public • Not breathing properly • Choking or suffocating • Being alone
These are some of the more common anxiety symptoms. This list isn't exhaustive.
Anxiety symptoms can range in number, intensity, and frequency, with each person experiencing their unique set of anxiety symptoms.
|
|
|
Post by rachelk on Jan 6, 2008 12:37:08 GMT
Thank you so much. Am going to ring them tomorrow morning. At least, if they have someone I can talk to I might go easy on those around me when they don't get it right!!!
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Jan 6, 2008 13:22:04 GMT
Hi Rachel
Let us know if you feel that calling APNI helps. I rang them in my darkest hour when i didnt understand what it was that was going on with me and thought they were fab!
Thinking of you x
WG x
|
|
|
Post by rachelk on Jan 6, 2008 16:08:32 GMT
I am going to ring at 10am tomorrow! I really need someone who knows what to say to me as my mum and hub don't ever seem to say the right thing - even though they try! I am really grateful for all the advice.
Rachel
|
|
|
Post by samantha77 on Jan 6, 2008 16:23:46 GMT
Great, they really did help me put things into the right context!!!!! And having a women to talk , who knows exactly how you feels really helps, I am back studying from tomorrow but will be on line from 5pm on wards if you want to chat xx
Let me know how you get on
Sam x
|
|
|
Post by samantha77 on Jan 8, 2008 8:18:48 GMT
Hi Rachel,
Just wondering how you are getting on?
Did you manage to get through to the APNI? I know it's hard to get through sometimes as they are so busy.
I hope your feeeling ok.
Thinking of you
Sam xxx
|
|
|
Post by Scarlet on Jan 8, 2008 9:04:08 GMT
|
|
|
Post by rachelk on Jan 8, 2008 9:41:52 GMT
Hi Scarlet and Sam, Thanks for thinking of me. Ring them almost every half hour yesterday and no joy. I bet they were rushed off their feet as it was the first proper day back after Xmas.
I am OK. I started having another panic attck this morning whilst trying to get number one son ready for school. I was late, hadn't showered, number two son hadn't been fed and my usual routine had turned to chaos. I was getting very panicky and short of breath but I thought 'OK, I can cope with this, if I am going to have one, that's fine, bring it on'....and it just seemed to ease. I have taken all your advice about riding it out and going with as opposed to fighting it really did help. I didn't get breakfast or a cup of coffee but no-one died and my son wasn't late for school!!! I feel very proud of myself actually.
Today I am going to look at this web-link that Scarlet sent and just keep learning as much as I can about this awful illness. Let's hope this positive feeling lasts.
Rachx
|
|