Are you a Relative or Friend of a PNI sufferer?

[Veritee]

Hi relatives and friends

If you are a relative of a sufferer of PNI, partner parent, brother sister or even a friend it is often forgotten that you can suffer too.

That Post Natal Illness does not only affect the women who has it but also her whole family and even her friends.

This is why I say to men who write in to find out how to help their wives pr partners, that PNI is a shared experience a shared problem.

One women may actually have it but everyone in the family shares it effects and also the situations within the family the amount of support and understanding a new mum has ( or lack of it) can make all the difference in the length of time PNI lasts, how disruptive or not it is to the women her children and the family and some say that these factors have an effect on whether a woman gets it at all ( although this si just speculation as no one really knows)

So this section is for you - for partners, husbands, ( men can use the mens section too ) brothers and sisters and friends - anyone who cares about, is supporting or is affected in any way by someone having PNI.

All the best

Veritee

[karen Millwell]

I am sufferng at the moment and i get help from my HV who has read this sitae and other sites.

They all look like they are the same i thort this was for helpers or mums who are sufferring as well?
I read the pnisha site as well and they have a relatives section .this is starting to look like theres!

Its good in a way that all of you are the same as more owmen are helped but theres no choice then-
kjust my opinoons thats all.
this is a gret site and thanks for all of you who s-do it!
Karen M

[Veritee]

Hi Karen

Thanks for your comments and I am glad the site is of use to you.

This site is indeed for helpers and mothers who are suffering - but from, time to time partners and other supporters of women with PNI do ask questions or are in need of support so post on here - so i do not really understand what you are saying or asking here??

Let me know and I will try to answer your questions?

As to this new section, I put this section on because I was e mailed by someone who is supporting a friend with PNI who was a single lesbian mother and her friend is her current partner and she said that we should have a section for those who were supporting women with PNI but who were not necessarily men - as we only had sections for sufferers and a men’s section, but this did not cover other relatives and friends who are not men.

I hope you understand what I wrote as this seems a bit garbled - but I am sure you understand what I mean??

I felt that this was right as a supporter who is not male currently has no where specifically to post and usually ends up posing on the main section, which is not always entirely appropriate.

If this section does not get any posts and therefore does not prove necessary - I will delete it after a month or so - I just thought it was a good suggestion and worth trying out.

I have read the pinsha site too since it started a couple of months ago and regularly have read many other forums on this subject over the years - but I did not really register that this section seemed the same as one on another site – if it is , this was nto intentional in any way.

But I guess we are dealing with the same subject so things are bound to overlap I would guess.
- I am not trying to copy anyone and this site has been going for many years so already we could not possibly be following others - probably it is the other way round?

But just to make the distinction I will change the name if anyone has any suggestions on what to call it?

I have not seen you post on the site as a sufferer of PNI?

If you wish to use the site please feel free to use the introduction section to introduce yourself and tell us a bit about yourself and how long you have had PNI and you are welcome to become a member.

All the best

Veritee

[karen Millwell]

hi Veritee,
i am karen i have 2 sons aged 4 and 9 mothes.
I have a good HV and a Gp who is ok- ish he understands but isnt all that helpful or caring enough.
I am taking seroxete and i have a boyfirned who is working away in the army, He should be on leave in abour 5 weeks time or something like that.
i miss him.
I look on aload of sites mother nad baby ones twins ones this sire pnisha APNI and i have an APNI counsellor who phones me once a week.
I saw your site on there site so i wanted to see what all the sites said about depression after a baby.
i get consfused about all the names this has depression illness but i have ot and i hate feeling like this.
I am lucky i have help from my mum and sisterwho take G out for me in the pram so i can rest but i cant tell them all i feel.
I am writing on all the sites to see what help i need to get to be better from this if that makes sense.
APNi are great and i like the way they care about me and know what to say to help me throgh this.
I am so glad you and APNI work together like this more places should do the same.
I thought i woulds say hello but i dont want to put too much on any of the sites as i dont like thinking loads of people look in on them silly i know but it scares me.
TAke care thanks for listening. If you can tell me about the depression bit and the illness part so i know what it is but as well, the seroxets i take.i am ok on it but i read it can be dangerous so i might get new tablets, have you heard of anything about seroxete?
KAren m

[Veritee]

Hi Karen

I have tried to answer your questions here:

veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&n=1&thread=1181

in the main Post Natal Illness board as I thought it was more approropriate than in this area which is for relatives and supporters.

Please click on the link above for your reply .

All the best

veritee

[aman in need of answers]

my partner is pregnent and she says she doesnt want me anymore could this just be her hormones

[Colette]

Hi

I think my sister is suffering from PND. Her 2nd daughter was born very ill, and it even took Great Ormond Street Hospital over 1 year to diagnose her illness. She spent most of her firt year in 3 different hospitals , and also had no hip sockets so spent most of her first year in a 'frog' plaster. She has now been diagnosed with 2 different illnesses and although she is a fantastic bubbly little girl aged 3 , will always need special care and medication. My sister has coped very well with her daughter and her illnesses, over the first 2 years, but is now going down hill. She works full time and her husband looks after the children, she now feels that her family would be better off without her, and can not cope with everyday life. Her daughter is very clingy to her when she is around, and she feels trapped by her situation. I don't really understand why she feels like this as she has a lovely house, no money worries , 2 beautiful daughters, a great husband, and everything she could wish for. I need to understand why she feels like this so I can help her. Do you think this is PND or just depression?

Her loving sister

[cheshire]

Dear Colette

I always think it's amazing when people write about people they are worried about. You obviously really care.
I am no expert so I am sure the next few postings will probably help you more. All I can say i sthat your sister has had a dreadfully stressful time and she has kept going because she has to , most probably , and now feels shattered. I can only draw on my own expereince as I had a delayed response to my husband being very ill, very suddenly and this corresponded with developing PNI. My counsellor tells me that responses to stress can be delayed for days, months, years - maybe this is what she is going through? Having said that, it could be PNI also, I wouldn't know. Either way, isn't she lucky that she's got you? My sister was there for me too and we are much closer as a result.

Take care and keep posting/ encouraging your sister to see GP until you get answers -
Hopefulxx

[susanneb1984]

I'd just like to say well done to all those friends and relatives who are helping their loved ones through their PNI. Your a tower of strength and it will not go unnoticed. Thank you to you all

[cheshire]

Well said Susanne, I agree.

I often think how difficult it must be to understand what is going on if you're not actually going through it ie. hubby/ partner..it must be hard for them..

[sister]

???Hello.

my sister has a daughter with her partner, they have been together 7 years and daughter was born this february just gone. the problem is that she has just announced to partner and a couple of friends and family that she does not want to be with her partner anymore, and she doent feel any thing for him.
We ncant understand it she has never been some one who shows her emotions or feelings towards him, she is a very private person but she has just bought this upon us.
I dont really know what to do or say to her, do you think this is some kind of PNI

[cheshire]

Hi

Welcome here, it's so nice that you're concerned enough to write her about your sister.

It is very difficult to know whether your sister has PNI or not - and she'd need to see a GP, maybe you could persuade her to do this or even go along with her? Or you could even direct her to this site to look at the list of symptoms and some of the posts here on the Forum?

Certainly it is common for women with PNI to feel negatively towards their partner and this can manifest itself in all sorts of ways.

Maybe if you get the chance you can let us know how you get on - ?
Good luck
Hopefulxx

[Amanda1]

Hi,

My very dear cousin is suffering from PNI at the moment. Any advice on how to be there for her? I listen to her and have had a good read at this site and tried to explain that everything she is feeling is normal for someone suffering from PNI. Am I doing the right thing? My sister in law suffered from PP and I do not want my cousin going down the same road. I am just looking for some advice on how to help her, I am sure the list is endless. DO I continue just to support her or does tough love work?
Your site is wonderful and the next time my cousin is here I will suggest she has a look at it.

xx

[cheshire]

Hi Amandar

I have said this before and I will again - I am always amazed that someone can care so much so as to come on here, if they are not actually suffering themselves. That is so lovely.

Yes please, do ask your cousin to look around here and see if it is something that would suit her. We just share problems here - it's great. Yes, going to the GP is essential, but that is 20 mins and may be a lottery as to whether they diagnose you right or be empathetic. But we are here pretty often and I found this site such a big help in my recovery

I would advise to do what you're doing - learn about the illness, listen and love. She is very ill and recovery will come - I personally don't think it can be rushed, but I could be wrong. Support is the key .

Lots of love, Hopefulxx

[yoyo]

Your cousin is a very lucky person to have you as a relative. This is something that she will never forget - the support and help you show her during this very difficult time in her life will draw you even closer even though it will be tough along the way.

As hopeful says please encourage her to read some of the postings on this site if possible - she will hopefully relate to a lot of the things that are being said and it may help her to realise that she doesn't have to go it alone. In the meantime I would have to agree that for me I found support was the key - tough love didn't really do much for me as I was too weak in mind to be able to care about much.

Let us know how things go and we look forward to meeting your cousin if she is up to it someday soon x