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Post by Veritee on Jul 5, 2005 11:10:47 GMT
Hi Vikki
Sorry I have not been around so much and not on chat.
As I explained Barry came back so I have been spending time with him and I have had connection problems too which you might have noticed?
Anyway how are you at the moment?
I have read the above and wanted to say that so many people are scared of hospitalisation - but I do not think anyone should be as long as the people you are seeing are understanding your position and your illness correctly and their are good local psychiatric facilities (ideally a mother and baby unit would be best for all but I am afraid none let children go with you if the child is over 12 months so it has to be a mainstream psychiatric Unit)
Unfortunately psychiatric in patent care does vary so much from area to area - we do not have a Mother and Baby unit here where I live in Cornwall, but we do have a brand new unit, which has single on-suit rooms for everyone and highly qualified staff who wear their own clothes and don’t patronise you ( a real bonus in my opinion) - so perhaps we are better off here in Cornwall than most on this front? I am not saying that this is what is best for you or anyone - as obviously if you can it is best to stay at home
But going into hospital when you have PNI does provide one thing that being at home never can - a complete break from responsibility and a chance to take stock and have a time free of worries ie wondering how you are going to get your child/ren into nursery or school or how you are going to get through the day.. So it is a good thing to hold in reserve – and you are wise to think of it like this, as it is not such a drastic Idea – as long as the local facilities are reasonable.
But anyway have you seen the new intervention team much now Vikki?
Are they being any help to you?
All the best
Veritee
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Post by susie on Jul 6, 2005 7:43:30 GMT
Vikki,
I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now, let us know how you are doing today honey? take care
love Sus x
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Post by yorkslass on Jul 6, 2005 15:01:15 GMT
Hi vikki
you know if you want to talk i am on msn or ICQ
Mel
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Vikki
Senior Member
E-mail Support Provider
Mum to 3 children aged 8,7 and 4. Suffered with Psychotic PNI, now thnkfully recovered.
Posts: 313
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Post by Vikki on Jul 7, 2005 9:05:49 GMT
My contact from the discharge liason team has just called to cancel my visit, and no one will come out for another week.
I feel so let down
I have been left alone, and I dont know what to do.
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Post by newwie on Jul 7, 2005 10:32:46 GMT
Hi I understand you will feel so upset and let down i hate that when people let you down the thing that they do not understand it also makes you feel and backs up the emotion of nobody caresthats what i feel anyway and that the trust somehow gets knocked aswell. This is just what i think though you may not feel like this. But all you can do is what i am now doing take each min and get help when need it, if you need help call someone and get it. I still cant manage the gp though but other helplines etc that you may have been goven if you can though i fele like such a prick phoning them and prob wouldnt but i would advise people that can to do so. Thinking of you seems like we are all having a bumpy ride at the min newwie
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Vikki
Senior Member
E-mail Support Provider
Mum to 3 children aged 8,7 and 4. Suffered with Psychotic PNI, now thnkfully recovered.
Posts: 313
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Post by Vikki on Jul 14, 2005 20:50:38 GMT
Today has been hard.
Im worried about Caitlans operation monday, but the thing I am dreading more is my mum and dad going on holiday, they are goinbg for 2 weeks, and although i have got people around during that time, I just dont know how I am going to manage without them.
They said they would stay, but I would never forgive myself if they did, but part of me desperatly wants them to stay.
As the date looms closer, I am getting more and more anxious about it.
I just dont know what to do
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Post by wendabell on Jul 14, 2005 22:43:53 GMT
do you have anyone else you can cal on for emotional support during the op.?
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Post by yoyo on Aug 3, 2005 18:19:51 GMT
How are you doing Vikki?
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Post by yorkslass on Aug 3, 2005 23:41:41 GMT
I will email you Vikki
melx
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Vikki
Senior Member
E-mail Support Provider
Mum to 3 children aged 8,7 and 4. Suffered with Psychotic PNI, now thnkfully recovered.
Posts: 313
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Post by Vikki on Sept 14, 2005 10:09:28 GMT
i havnt been able to post for a long time, buti need some help.
i had a few better days, but have sunk back down to the depths again.
im teary, miserableand not coping at all.
My main problem is having the children, now the summer holidays are over, my mum had had to go back to work, i'm on my own with them, I also now have to do the school run, which although seems simple, is really really hard for me. Some days I debate whether to take caitlan to school at all, but if I dont that eans I have them all at home and I cant cope with that either.
I have much less support now than I did, and things are still not getting any easier.
I had a meeting with my Psychiatrist and my new key worker, to simplify my transfer from the peri natal service to the adult mental health team, I spent the whole meeting in tears, so the psych has upped my dose of prozac again, he wanted to up the dose of my anti psychotic too as I am getting some strnge things happening again, but I cant be sedated when I'm alone with the children, I'm in a no win situation.
im really just trying to wish my lfe a way, getting throught he day hour by hour.
Owen starts school this afternoon, and im dreading it, now I have to go to the school 3 times a day, I dont know how im going to manage.
And to top everything else of, Lydia is ill again, she spent all night being sick, I don't know why she is ill so much.
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Post by Veritee on Sept 14, 2005 11:00:21 GMT
Oh Vikki
I am so sorry - and sorry Lydia is sick again. Please do not worry about this though - I know it is awful to have to cope with it , for me a vomiting child is a nightmare as I have a phobia when I was ill about vomiting - but I am sure it is nothing to worry about some children are just like that , they get ill more than others and Caja was like that and she is rarely ill these days.
I think some children just take longer to build up their immune system than others??
As to the rest - I realy understand, I only had one child and less than 2 miles to do the school run and it was horrendous for me! I hated it I would panic and was often late in the mornign at lunchtime when she was on half days and the afternoon, It was very strange as at least 3 days a week I was going on to work after the school run yet I could cope with work and the drive to it - about 7 miles - but I just could not cope with the school run!
Probably the responsibility - I just don't know?
Btu I decided in the end that I would not put my self through something that was so hard as much as I could avoid it I would.
What I did was use the money I was no longer paying for child care to pay someone else to do the school run a couple of times a week and especially when I was working.
Have you got less child care expenses now - could you find another mum who could do with the petrol money and do some of the runs for you - of course after your children have had time to settle in - perhaps the morning one only or the morning and the evening? Or a retired person who would enjoy it and earn a few pennies for petrol ( I did this for a while)
After all petrol has shot up and I am sure someone would be only to happy to run your children sometimes for extra petrol money.
Because you feel like this about the school run it is hard to understand that for others it is nothing and the would be happy to get a few bob for it .
I know that it can be embarrassing to tell someone why - but if you do not want to explain fully about your PNI , you could bend the truth and say that you are on medication that while you are allowed to drive on it , it makes you feel sleepy so you do not feel safe.
Well that would not be a total lie would it ? You do not have to explain exactly what you re on it for if you do not want to.
I know you will probably say that to find someone to do the school run would be impossible - but I put a notice at the school and in their newsletter and and actually women at home with children have so little free cash they were falling over to do it!And for so little money that I personaly felt how could it be worth it to them and felt guilty abotu this as I could not afford anymore - but when you have to do the trip anyhow and are short of money for petrol - any extra amount is a bonus.
The only problem was my guilt that I was not being a proper mum if I did not do the school run - but I soon realized I was a better mum if I did not go through this stress.
Another way to get someone to do the school run is go to your local volunteer bureau - they will do it for the price of mileage and being as ill as you are will PNI you have every reason to do this as it is an illness like any other and if you were unable to drive with a broken limb you would have to do this- PNI is the same.
Well thats just a practical suggestion for the school run which I do know can be horrendous if you are ill with PNI.
But I am glad you felt able to come back on here - if we can help we will
I hope to speak with you soon
All the best Veritee
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Vikki
Senior Member
E-mail Support Provider
Mum to 3 children aged 8,7 and 4. Suffered with Psychotic PNI, now thnkfully recovered.
Posts: 313
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Post by Vikki on Sept 16, 2005 11:48:57 GMT
ivw spent the last 3 days in tears, i was begging aaron to stay with me today, I was ill last night, I think we must all have a sickness bug, and I still feel weak today, i'm certainly not up looking after children, I cant bring myself to even touch them.
i have to go to a meet the teacher meeting tiday and im in complete panic about it. he teacher already knows what an awful mother I am and know i have to face her.
i shouldnt have sent caotlan to school today as she was sick last night too, but having the three of them at home was too much so I sent her anyway.
My dad keeps calling to check im ok, aaron hasnt bothered, im in a complete state and no one can help me
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Vikki
Senior Member
E-mail Support Provider
Mum to 3 children aged 8,7 and 4. Suffered with Psychotic PNI, now thnkfully recovered.
Posts: 313
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Post by Vikki on Sept 22, 2005 16:18:53 GMT
I have finally managed to tell my GP how truly awful things arefor at the moment.
I now have the Home Treatment service again, as the thoughts of harming myself are so strong.
I have a friend taking caitlan to school for me tomorrow, as I think she realised I was struggling today.
I can't wait for Owen to start school full time, these half days are killing me.
After talking to the home treatment lady yesterday, I realised that things can't go on like this anymore, I'm so miserable, my life is totally pointless like this.
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Vikki
Senior Member
E-mail Support Provider
Mum to 3 children aged 8,7 and 4. Suffered with Psychotic PNI, now thnkfully recovered.
Posts: 313
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Post by Vikki on Sept 22, 2005 16:19:32 GMT
They also said they may be able to sort me out some childcare through Sure start, which is fantastic news.
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Post by Veritee on Sept 22, 2005 20:28:07 GMT
Oh Vikki
It is always worse when you and or your children are ill.
From what you say I think you do indeed have the sickness bug and when you have pNI when you are ill - you feel so much worse mentally.
I guess that when you have PNI you are so down anyway and have so few resources left to give - that having an actual physical illness just pushes you over the edge.
When you say you feel like harming yourself - what do you feel like doing? What do you mean by this - and overdoes or cutting yourself? I hope you do not mind me asking I just wondered what the urge to harm yourself was as you can get clues about how you are feeling and why form what you have urges to do!!
You do not have to discuss this .... And don't worry about sending Caitlan to school when she was sick in the night, as long as she was not actually sick when she went it is probably better for her to be their than with you if you are just not feeling like you can cope ( of course you can come but with PNi we often feel we cant)
I have done this with Caja and I realized that I did it much less than other mums - mums I knew who did not have pNI at all felt noting about sending their child with a sick bug to school as they did not want to deal with it ands knew they would be looked after at school. I do not thin that is right but I do think that when we have PNi we feel guilty when other mums might not and we care very much.
But thats a bit of good news isn't it that Sure Stat might be able4 to give your some child care.
Keep pushing it as this is what you need
Let us know how it goes?
All the best veritee
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