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Post by wendabell on Dec 31, 2004 19:36:41 GMT
thanks jennie your fantastic friend
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Post by wendabell on Jan 1, 2005 23:27:17 GMT
got a grip on reality today. felt stressed all day and down. managed to keep my cool with hyper kids,over caring mum and kids didnt go to sleep until 9pm all three.it was a struggle as here on my own with them but even though i could feel myself brewing to burst i didnt. so today was a good one even if never got the painting bedroom that i wanted to do this evening,or the ironing,or a long list of other jobs i do when kids are asleep.
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Post by wendabell on Jan 4, 2005 21:44:55 GMT
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Post by wendabell on Jan 4, 2005 22:23:11 GMT
mmn maybe if i found this five years ago i wouldnt be here today.live and learn.but then i wouldnt have met all of you lovelys..........and also i think ive grown such a lot as a person since having this.i know im not recovered yet and its still the meds talking but, i do see things in a different light now......hey veritee im seeing that light at the end of the tunnel we talked about......yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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Post by wendabell on Jan 4, 2005 22:39:51 GMT
yea like i said fran,im glad im here now as ive met the most supportive of friends anyone could have the privalidge to meet.hope we can all meet one day. five years ago was hell for me with this.the first time i nearly lost my hubby and no meds that time
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Post by wendabell on Jan 4, 2005 22:55:55 GMT
hey scrumpy, its nice to have met you too hunny, an honor.you have all helped me in recovering even if just reading my rants it shows you all care out there. thank you. you have all done more for me than the cpn and doctors.
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Post by wendabell on May 6, 2005 20:42:03 GMT
hello all who have got this far and read my past postings on this thread and not fell asleep int he process. My reason for adding to this one is that i have been using this a my diary if you like to show my ups and downs. And right now i feel i am finally im recovery.I have not mentioned this on here as at first i though i was just on an up day or two but this has been me for a month now.I havent had any meds for a month as i got the prescription but at the time had no pennies (poor me).Yes those who know me know i have battled with taking medications and sticking to them and going to see the doctor.But that is just me,i never was one for going to see the doctor and as i wrote once before when i sat there looking around the surgery at all the people with the physical illness i felt i had no right to be ther.Something i now know not to be true.As for the tablet taking again this is me.I dont even take a paracetamol unless i cant cope with a headache and as for taking the contraceptive pill...well thats another story.
I can finally cope with my mood swings but they are non existant to be honest.I dont get bad pmt now and i am feeling so positive right now.My relationship with my hubby has been put back on track and i can actually laugh without feeling guilty if that makes sence to anyone.I play with my kids and even though they would try the patients os the super nanny ot little angels experts i can cope with them ...well i do still loose it a bit but im working on it. I am happier in work and much more productive at home too. This has lead to a slight problem as i have not been on here as much of late as i have been catching up with nearly 6 years of housework dust gardening and decorating and its great.I am so busy of late i havent even been taking my little one to toddler group which was my one and only sactuary in the dark times.There is not enough hours in the days. The only other problem is i can now finally sleep better.Aproblem because i want to sleep longer than the two hours i allow myself in the morning of my night shift and longer when i nap for two hours before i go back into work as up until now it had been working fine for me with my insomnia. I am starting to remember stuff to .all the things that i had forgotten.well maybe not all but i think they are coming back. I wanted to type this on here to bring this back to the top.When i first posted i was so desperate for anyone to understand me and tell me i was not mad.Ive just been sitting here reading all my threads and i cant believe now how i was.I cried.I have missed out on so much over the years and i guess im trying to put it all right in a few weeks. I jst cant believe it.I dont mean to brag i just want you all to read this thread and maybe you are just diagnosed and in the depths of darkness but i hope this will let you see a story from start to hopefully finish. I really hope i do not crash as i had before with my other children, i hope i have nailed the lid on this one for good folks.It really does feel good. Do you know i can cry now and know why i am crying and its usualy because of a sad story on here or on the t.v.I got all emotional yesterday when i found out i had become and aunty again to another little 7 pound 2 oz boy.I mean if this had happened before when i was ill i would have gotten all agressive and angry over it and not know why .and i have to admit i did feel a little jealous at first but now nothing but love and i want to buy the world a present. I do have a back up plan though.If i start to feel bad i have a supply of calms and st johns wort and will take on or the other for a course all depending on how bad i am.Not that im planing on it but as i prefer the alternative approach than conventional medicines i feel happier doing this. Maybe this thread can be moved to the recovery page.that would be the ultimate for me to see that. I do hope this helps anyone out there. I will be around to help out still and proberbly even more once i finished playing catch up. See you all soon and giving a big hug and kiss love wendy x.x.x
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Post by wendabell on May 7, 2005 13:30:46 GMT
thank you to all replys it has made me feel so good about myself.I truely think and belive that i would not have made it if it wasnt for veritee and this fantastic forum.Im sure i would have been still in the dark about all this and thinking i was going to be this way forever.So to all that have helped me throught the good and the bad times i cant thank you enough.I would name you all but there are so many and im sure you know who you are. Well im going to stay on as a moderator if thats ok woth everyone.I hope i have enough experience of this retched illness to support many more in the future.I want to keep adding to this thread though just to monitor myself(maybe a little paranoia left) but after all these years of having it i am having a hard time believing im finally getting over it for good. anyway i hope this diary if you like to call it will help someone out there and show that it really does get better. love and light and happiness wendy x.x.x
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Post by wendabell on May 15, 2005 23:10:14 GMT
hi there, just to let you all know i am still ok ish. Well i had a bit of a down day today and i found i was getting stressed easily for some reason.But i handled it.and apart from getting a bit mad at the husband(why do i take it out on him) i kept it together with the kiddies. so im giving myself a ;D
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Post by wendabell on May 23, 2005 1:10:11 GMT
mmnn. getting irratalbe again and snappy at the smallest of things but at least i am recognising the downs now and can try to control them better.I AM NOT GOING TO GO BACK DOWN THIS IS JUST A SMALL BLIP.
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Post by wendabell on May 30, 2005 19:31:36 GMT
Never suffered it befor but think i now have pmt/s really bad before a period.Have to look into this one.Ah well at least i can time my bad days now eh ;D ;D ;D
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Post by wendabell on Jun 1, 2005 14:19:21 GMT
yea sure veritee move it no probs
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Post by wendabell on Jun 14, 2005 1:23:12 GMT
well here i go again,snappy and irritable,sex drive increased and getting constipated too. This sure is following the same pattern as last month bet i will be on soon. ah well. at least im pradictable now.
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Post by wendabell on Jun 21, 2005 3:03:54 GMT
ok here goes, at first i thought it was pms but since my last post i have remained the same. I am getting very tired all the time again,getting snappy and irratable ,have no patience,shouting at the kids and getting angry with my hubby again. Come on wendy, dont go down this is just a normal persons downness right? Been having thoughts again,bad dreams about hurting the kids and hurting me. Thoughts also about fatal car crashes in graphic detail. Panic attacks returning intermitantly but returning. try to talk myself out of them tell my self im just being daft. Paranoia,oh the paranoia, feel i am not of any worth. i never have time to be with the kids,hubby or help my mum as she does so much for me. Feel i cant visit people too. just cant. i arrange to go out but thencel with some lame brain excuse. Oh shit the more i am typing the more i can see i am not as recovered as i thought. I have had such a great spell of late i think i was expecting too much to stay this way.And as much as i tell other not to take on toomuch when they are up i do not take any of my own medicine. I have been so busy. Im struggling to stay awake at work and on pro pluss to keep me going. my hayfever is playing up too and im on piraton. Never had hayfever until i was pregnant with number three and hasnt gone away since bugger . still got a bit of my humour though. what i need is a tall muscly man wearing nothing but a pinny. Armed to the hilt with cleaning products and me watching him work around the house. then when he is finished he will cook dinner and give me a body massage. dream on eh. ok going to start taking the cod liver oil and evening primrose oil and st johns wort and see if i improve.
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Post by wendabell on Jun 24, 2005 21:02:07 GMT
ah im cool and at least i can sort of control them now and tell myself that its going to go soon. dont worry not asking for support now just wanted to keep me ol diary going. When i get like this now i can much easily dismiss what crap my brain is trying to throw at me.ok so im down yea but not like before and now i have a weap rather than get all frustrated and angry so good karma all round. ups and downs but mainly ups i just bliped again thats all. cheers for the concern though veritee.
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