:)Wendybell
We will never think of you as worthless and you will always be welcome - as a member a guest or visitor or moderator or forum adviser.
You do not have to 'be arsed' to support anyone else. I think it was you who asked to be a moderator ......... well maybe not maybe I asked you? but either way you do not have to be, you can just come on here for support or even just a chat - you do not have to support anyone!!!
just yourself !!Anyway you have put loads of time on here - enough for anyone you do not have to do anymore if you do not want to and you can ask for support if you want to.
Please do not add not participating in this forum to you list of what you feel guilty about - you do not have to as you have nothing to feel guilty about!! You do sound desperately down and from what you say I really think it may could help to get proper medical help, even medication -
but I know I can not influence you on this and if you got medication you probably would not take it - so all I can off is that we care and you are welcome here any time.
I don't think what you describe about your children is necessarily down to you - and if it is what will feeling guilty achieve?
But anyway chilldren do go through this type of thing without it beign anythign to do with the parents - infortualty bullying is rife in our schools - Caja went through a time in Primary school when she faced bully's - she got through it and I helped her by talking to the school reassuing her etc , I know you can do the same ...... at lest 4 friends of mine took their children out of school at some point and home educted due to bulling
And the most together woman I know has a son who still wets the bed at 11, and he is a totally fine young man - no one really knows why this persists for some, and it is more commonly boys - but in this young mans case his dad - was a bedwetter until teens, did Karl have this or any in your family, But it does nto have to be a family trait, as I said no one knows , yes it can be stress but also it can not be stress.
But if it is stress , there is always time to change things to make changes and I truely beleve that your children are not automatically harmed or altered by your PNI - that is as long as you show you love them and meet their needs or make sure if can't soemone else does .
I remember you tellign others this and it is still true.
I am sorry Karl has lost his job - but it is not your fault you know!
OK so it might have been easier for him if you had not been ill - but then it would have been easier on you to and you still have our job and you are still managing your other activities - maybe you do not feel that you are doing them well, but you are doing them - and it was you who was ill with PNI not Karl. ....
And your PNI did not give Karl Depression
I know about the care world and work in care and Karl was a manager wasn't he??
You do not just lose a job as a manager overnight!!
If he was sacked there would have been many processes, maybe warnings, capability interviews etc and perhaps chances to work it out, find a solution maybe if he was not coping an offer of less hours or less stressful employment - if he was 'encouraged' to take early retirement due to sickness - then that would not have happened over night either and for this to happen he must have been at least half way compliant with this ...
I do not know how he lost his job - how did this happen???
but you can not take this on as your own fault and your own guilt .
Where is his responsibility in this?? Is he blaming you or are you just blaming you??
Someone losing a job is never someones else's fault - there may be factors that involve you - but this is not something that you have any right to totally carry.
And I mean right - as he needs to feel his own emotions - not everything that happens to Karl or to you is down to you and certainly not him losing his job.
I am sorry this sound harsh but I have known you 'virtually' a long time so I feel I can say this.
Also there is another way of seeing it - you have both been struggling - Karl has been struggling - and not because of you or your PNI.
as he has been diagnosed with depression in his own right.
And problems in relationships and how a partner is feeling can cause someone else to suffer stress -
but it can not in itself cause clinical depression in another You could see this as a fresh start ??
I know money will be tight if not disastrous but without Karl's stressful job he will be at home more - at first he probably will do little feeling depressed and like their is no point but after a while you could both build a different world for yourselves without Karl having the stress of a job he that night have emotionally always been too much for him.
Perhaps Karl keeping such a stressful job as a manager in care was not on the cards for ever? I do not know as I have never really spoken to him or met him........ but you must have some idea?
Anyway we all love you, your children love you whatever you think now .
Please be very kind to yourself and do not do harm to yourself.
I can only ask this as a friend and tell you we care
VeriteeXX
just yourself !!