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Post by susanneb1984 on Jun 7, 2005 17:10:09 GMT
I'm not having a very good day today. We went to the hospital for our 28 week scan. It all looked great, Georgina seems to be doing really well. So why aren't I happy? Why am I still trying to pretend she's not coming?
Thea got really bored at the hospital though, but the doctor was really great with her.
Oh I don't know, I think I'm going mad.
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Post by susanneb1984 on Jun 8, 2005 12:59:30 GMT
Hmmm. I seem to be on a downer again today, just put my daughter up to bed just so she doesn't see me crying again. She asked me earlier if it was her fault, I told her that it wasn't her fault, but I'm not sure she fully understood what I was saying. My poor boyfriend, he's had to put up with me in tears again, I don't know how he copes, I feel like I'm dragging him down and I hate that. Oh well, it will be bedtime soon, at least then I can sleep and hope for a better day tomorrow.
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Post by susanneb1984 on Jun 8, 2005 18:18:40 GMT
I had a really scary moment today, I was sat at the computer, and then when I looked at the computer, I had typed a message to my partner, completely innocent, but I don't remember writing it. I have recieved emails today in response to ones I've sent, but don't remember sending them. I don't like it, now I really do feel like I'm going mad, I didn't realise I was so lost.
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Post by susanneb1984 on Sept 14, 2005 20:58:54 GMT
Wow! Reading this has brought back so many memories of how I felt just 6 months ago, so lost, so afraid, so angry. A lot has changed since starting this diary and I am very happy to say they have changed for the better. I gave birth to my second daughter, Georgina Joan, on 1st September, and although I didn't get that immediate rush of love and wonder that I got the first time around, I think things are going a lot better this time. I am so in love with my partner and two children, and although I am tired and in pain with backache and general afterbirth aches, I love living and I love life. I never thought I'd be on the up again, and didn't think my head would ever be straight again, but WOW!
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Post by bam02 on Sept 14, 2005 21:44:13 GMT
Well done I am 3 years along and only just appreciating My Sarah she had a swimming lesson today with 5 others but was so good and did as was told. My son who ismnow diagnosed as high funtiononing autistic was a nightmare at3 !!!
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Post by rainydaybox on Sept 19, 2005 21:31:17 GMT
It's comforting to read this diary as I hated my first preganancy, I went into automatic behaviour a lot - like you typing messages and not remembering them. I even put all the washing away in the freezer once... Glad you are so much better, it's really encouragin to read. Becky xx
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Post by susanneb1984 on Sept 20, 2005 15:52:26 GMT
Thanks for the messages, things aren't always easy, but it's nice now that I don't feel like I'm stuck in a black cloud....I'm enjoying my children and I look forward to the new days ahead, it hasn't always been like that. I live for everyday, and I enjoy the small things that life brings, I know it's not easy to do, but try to remember the small things, even if it's just one thing a day, keep them close to your heart.
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Post by cheshire on Sept 20, 2005 19:07:34 GMT
Hi Susanne
I know just what you mean about ''enjoying my children and I look forward to the new days ahead, it hasn't always been like that'' - and it was at this point that I thought I was starting to get better..
I will think about this too ..
''I enjoy the small things that life brings, I know it's not easy to do, but try to remember the small things, even if it's just one thing a day, keep them close to your heart. ''
..I need to do this more.
Thanks, Hopefulx
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Post by susanneb1984 on Sept 21, 2005 13:13:36 GMT
I find that it helps to write them down in a diary, then if I wake up feeling a bit down, I can sit down and read them, it helps to remember that there is good times because when PNI and depression hit, it's hard to remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
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Post by susanneb1984 on Sept 30, 2005 18:07:17 GMT
Well, Georgina is now 4 weeks old, and we are looking at putting Thea into a preschool! OMG they are growing up soooo quickly, I feel like I've blinked and almost 3 years has gone! Georgina is eating well, so well in fact that she is already in size 2 nappies and in her 3-6 month babygrows because the others don't fit! And they have asked us to go get her weighed on monday as she has put on a lot of weight and didn't even lose any after birth! lol she's smiling now, which is so lovely and loves her kisses. I was so worried because I had been so down and depressed during my pregnancy because everyone kept saying 'you'll have a fretful, stressed baby coz she'll pick up on your vibes and do nothing but cry' that was a scary thought, but she's not at all like that, she's a little clingy but having a very independant Thea, it's quite a nice change! She's sleeping very well, and I'm enjoying been a lil housewife, although I do get a bit annoyed as I feel like I'm doing everything and been 'supermum' lol, I like it! I've developed a love for my washing machine, and am even getting on with my hoover! lol All in all, at the moment, I am very happy, and although I'm tired I am very very contented
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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 3, 2005 13:53:21 GMT
Am a bit fed up today! Thea's gone to my Grandma's....leaving me and GJ on our own while Alan's at work. I've done the washing and the cleaning, and GJ's gone to sleep so now I'm kinda at a loose end! I know I should be enjoying some time to read a magazine or sleep, but I feel like I should be doing something, and I'm not! Also, I was hoping to become an Ann Summers rep to get me out of the house for a few hours a week, and I want to save up to have my boobs put back where they should be, so it's an extra income, but it seems that some unknown force isn't wanting me to do it. First, I couldn't make the training part because of mother in laws birthday, then the training party on saturday was cancelled, I was so excited as I haven't had anytime to myself since GJ was born and was looking forward to some 'mummy' time, but that got cancelled, and now I'm supposed to go pick my kit up on wednesday night so that I can start doing parties of my own, but Alan's working and I don't think anyone can sit the girls for me. So am feeling a bit sorry for myself. I put 100% into my family, and often go without so they can have, things like I haven't had a haircut for over 3 years because I've used the money for the kids, or the house. I spend all day looking after them, often not having chance to eat myself, and the one thing I want to do, just a few hours a week and it never happens because of all the hurdles! Sorry for the moan, I must sound like a spoil brat, but needed to get it off my chest before I cry!
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Post by bam02 on Oct 3, 2005 16:06:12 GMT
Oh Susanne,
It can be annoying - I always feel like I am asking too much for my hubby to stay in and as for taking time off work forget it!
Did you get to see HV. Hope you felt better about your smear test.
AnnSummers very brave !!! lol only ever been to one party. Usually something boring like candles or tuppawear in stead!!lol
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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 3, 2005 16:26:08 GMT
Lol @ AM! I love Ann Summers, and reps get a 30% discount, which will save me a fortune! lol I'll be a millionaire before Xmas with that! Urgggg, am just feeling sorry for myself!
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Post by yoyo on Oct 4, 2005 13:53:11 GMT
You're a star!
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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 4, 2005 17:25:16 GMT
Awww thanks yoyo! I'm feeling a bit better today, not quite so teary. We've bought GJ a new bouncy chair, a vibrating one. She just grins when she's in it, it's so funny....I keep winding Alan up that before he knows it, his lil girl will be shopping at Ann Summers too! lol
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